Home › Forums › Did He Lose Interest? › He ghosted me after the first date
- This topic has 2 replies and was last updated 2 years, 9 months ago by
Maddie.
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SummerFlower344
Hello :)
I met this guy 3 months ago on a dating site. At first we just messaged eath other back and forth, then he suggested a date. But i was abroad for 2 weeks. We kept talking daily abouth everything. He told me about his job, family and the desire to find a woman, who will travel with him and share the life.
I was excited to meet him, similar hobbies, the same preferences and expectations. He also told me that he doesn’t like discussions and would rather give in than argue further.
The date went very well in MY opinion. He picked me up, we ate at the restaurant and afterwards he suggested going out for a drink. He told me a lot about himself, showed pictures of his family and said that when he is no longer so nervous in my presence, he will show me pictures where he had a funny hairstyle.
We said goodbye and I thanked him for the nice evening. He said that he thought the evening was great and that he enjoyed every minute. The next day his message was so “Halllooooo:=)) did you sleep well:)?.. I replied to him and asked back…. After that nothing more came. 4 days. I asked if everything was ok with him, he wrote 13 hours later. “No I have unfortunately very much stress at work, (he is self-employed) and must now do everything alone.I did not answer anything to this.
After 3 days I wrote him the following “I have a bad feeling gearde with you”.
He replied again very late “I do not know why but I must accept it”.
I told him the following “I find interest very sexy and from your side I don’t see any right now, everything okay, have fun on vacation :* (he flew away)He didn’t write anything back.
I just want to know what happened, what’s going on in his head. What is a man thinking?
Im very sadRaven
Well @SummerFlower344, you really weren’t ghosted cos you only had one date with this guy…
It’s ok to feel sad. Who knows what’s going on in his head.
Keep dating…
Maddie
Sometimes people on online dating are only looking for pen pals, no matter how nice their words sound about seeking a relationship. He was attentive until things got more “real” and you actually met. Sure, it’s possible he didn’t see the date the same way as you and he wasn’t so interested after actually meeting, which happens. Not everyone is a good fit or as interested as we’d like. However, since it took 3 months to meet in the first place and it sounds like it took over 2 months for him to suggest a date, I don’t think he was serious about dating anyone in the first place. He likes the attention and companionship but can’t really handle or show up for anything more. If you’d stayed only “pen pals,” he’d probably still be messaging and you’d be wasting your time. Be happy you found out so fast.
“He also told me that he doesn’t like discussions and would rather give in than argue further.” I also find this to be a red flag… he is very passive and will not share his real feelings but may give in and be quietly building resentment instead. This means bad communication in relationships and not knowing how to deal with conflict maturely.
In general, try to meet in person sooner next time you meet a promising date online so that you don’t build up this artificial connection that may not actually work out with reality. I never had good experiences with men online who wanted to talk a lot and didn’t start to ask to meet within the first week or maybe two unless there was a very good reason they couldn’t meet yet (it was okay if one of us was traveling, sick, or there were long distance reasons… but even during covid lockdowns, we could make plans to first “meet” over video and that was still more informative than texting). Most of those men who waited and waited to ask to meet weren’t looking for anything seriously.
You will be okay, it will start to feel better soon! Hang in there.
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