He has a soft spot for me What to do?

I don’t think this is going anywhere. After a year, he’s not in love with you and actually wants to be without you? That wouldn’t be enough for me. In my serious relationships, we’ve been talking about moving in together after a year and we absolutely know we love each other. All this guy has is a weak spot for you he doesn’t even want to have.

Keep an open mind and see what he says when you talk. If he doesn’t want serious after all this time though, he won’t ever. It will then be up to you to decide if you want to put up with an endlessly casual situation or walk away and find a proper relationship.

Gemma, if you are in a position to see a man who is clearly not serious about you for the next who knows how many months, then do it. He said “he wants to be without you”. This is worse than “I don’t know what I feel”. He knows you are not the one, very clearly, but don’t want to break it off just yet. Unfortunately men do that, it is very lame, but many men do that.

I also find it bizarre that you would just ask him “why do you feel jealous and lets talk about it”. You are not his therapist, those feelings are delicate, it is very hard to reveal them, very hard to talk about them, do you not understand it? If he asked you directly “do you feel jealous about me going on a date with another woman last week, lets talk about why”, how would you feel? I think you were trying to force emotions out of him for your ego while being quite insensitive. You are being a nurse Ratchet. LOL. You can’t find clarity this way.

Very often when people are confronting us with “do you love me” type of questions, it is almost natural to fight it or brush it off, or say something that would not be true. You can’t force someone to become vulnerable in such a way. This should come naturally, you can try and start a conversation of this nature but calling someone to “get clarity” and ask them about why they got jealous..??

Clarity comes from the situation and a multitude of factors, in your case it is clear that he does not see you as the one. This does not mean he has no feelings for you at all but it means he sees no serious future with you. He might stay with you for another year or even longer, he might be faithful during this time, most men are actually, but he will not want to marry you. 12 months is enough for him to know it very clearly.

If you want marriage then you better stop seeing him and move on. It does not feel like you are in love with him, so hopefully it will not be too hard on you.

After 12 months “He can not give me a clear answer is we are just friends of if we are still dating exclusively” What?!?!? Did it every occur to you that this man hasn’t shared his emotions with you because he doesn’t have any emotions for you? That he’s not in love with you? He can’t even say if you’re friends or dating! At a year my husband and I were discussing marriage and the future together!! And I certainly knew where I stood with him.

I’m sorry to say but it sounds to me like you are a placeholder girlfriend (maybe not even that but FWB) until he finds “the one.” Because if you were the one he wanted a future with he would be making DAMN sure he locked you down you weren’t going out with another guy instead of just getting a little jealous over it.

I know you’re used to him being there and you’ve invested so it’s pretty awful to have to deal with, but this is one of the least good excuses I’ve ever read on here. ‘I want to be without you’ isn’t even lukewarm or half-interested, it’s wanting to be rid of you.

Just, please rethink this situation. You can do so much better than someone who wants to be without you bit still wants to keep you around until he finds sth he likes better.