He hasn’t contacted me after we had sex for the first time

Wow. This story sounds EXACTLY like an experience I had with a man recently. Pretty much identical!!! What state are you located in? I’m in WA. Maybe it’s the same guy???!!! 😩

@Lina

OMG, you really made me laugh out loud. I’m on the West Coast too so maybe it is the same guy, haha. Ugh! Lol! 🤣

Are you the new regular Maddie responding here? Because if you are you give spot on and perfect advice and i assume you treat yourself with what you preach.
I dont think this man knows it was bad so i dont think he is hiding because of that.
Honestly im always surpirised how many ladies here talk about great sex. My experience is pretty much the opposite. Most were horrible and very little attentive. No good love making. So there must be other women encountering these men.
He acts like a coward and is rude. I would just tell him that. This is not a few dates. This is a few months investing and if he wants out he can simply say so. I would ask why he wasnt in touch. Plus you need to know about the trip.

@newbie

Thanks for your response! It’s so helpful to get other perspectives. Yes, I am new here so I think that makes me the new Maddie. I just started posting and commenting on other poster’s threads the last day or so. I’m so happy I found this amazing and supportive forum! So being new, and a little technically challenged, I accidentally posted my story twice. Once hear and the other in the Community Lounge. That one has gotten more comments and I also commented more there too. Please check it out if you have a chance since the main conversation has happened there and I gave more updates and details. Would love any further thoughts you have!

And as far as Mother’s Day, the reason it mattered and was not nice of him to not send a quick simple text, was because of the lengthy conversations we had about it and about other holidays. I feel quite certain that had the bad sex not happened, he would have texted me first thing in the morning like he always has for the past three months. The change is definitely due to the sex and made worse that he couldn’t bring himself to reach out on a holiday, which he could have easily done with no reference to the sex at all. I hope that makes sense. But yeah, had we not already established how holidays like that would be handled in our relationship, I would totally agree with you. And I followed through on those conversations myself by treating him for his birthday. All I wanted was a quick “Happy Mother’s Day. Have a great day with your kids. You deserve it.” If that’s too much for him, well, that actually matters to me because I’m looking for someone who can do that.

I am on the fence about this. Although I agree it is not cool to not have reached out, and I agree it’s even worse he didn’t reach out post sex and on a holiday – we don’t know what’s going on with him regarding how he feels about y’all’s intimate interaction, if that is indeed something he may struggle with in relations with women (maybe even his marriage), and just possibly he had low self esteem around it and feels shiste he wasn’t able to ‘service you’, ‘please you’ better.

I am making zero excuses for men. Of course the good ones know they should reach out after sex, and that it’s usually a bad omen if they don’t, BUT if everything else has been plugging along swimmingly AND you had evaluated this guys character as someone you could see yourself exploring a relationship with – why would you just dig in your heels and be willing to just toss away months of interactions and not make (just) ONE attempt to address the elephant that’s suddenly appeared in the room?

Most healthy men lead. But men are not robots and do ‘feel some kind of way’ when they feel they weren’t masculine enough, didn’t perform well, etc. And SURE this could be – he thought it was awful too, he’s pretty sure he’s done with you and now being a coward and distant and he’s going to fade away. But in my opinion, once a pattern of respectful interactions have taken place, there is no need for women to have too much pride in dating.

I say – if you would be willing to have sex with him again, to see if y’all could be more comfortable and it could be better second time around, or have sexy talk during to see if you can guide him etc. Text him saying – “We haven’t interacted much since we last met up – I hope you’re having a good week! I’m interested in seeing and being with you again :) Open to your thoughts. (Or something close to that. Not too heavy, but to the point) What does it matter if this is about to end if he doesn’t feel the same? There is no true rejection, only repelling what’s not meant for you. Of course women should maintain their dignity and not throw themselves at a man or chase them. That’s not what this is. Y’all are established and this is the first time he’s acted weird. Women should be confident in stating their desires when a man has provided emotional safety for a time period. You truly have nothing to lose. If he doesn’t pick up the ball and run with it after you express your desires – always walk away from a tepid man.

Lol Yes, its probably cultural. You know im european and my man is american so getting wished good mothersday the first time by him i found a bit creepy and made me think im really old.
Yeah its the other Maddie because i meant someone longer on here. She is quite impressive. I like a lot of her post.
And Yes im cutting down on the time spend here.
Then to Maddie: i did read the other threat. Its more informative about the sex being bad for him as well. While here i assumed you had bad sex.
Im not that impressed still. I get he can be anxious but besides some things you already listed i find his drinking a yellow flag. If you get too drunk on a date that is not a good sign.
I wouldnt know what i would do. I would try to resist any urges to revive this man as i see tendencies of you doing that already. I think you should really think about his qualities and then see how to act when he comes back. Which he will do. But i wouldnt mind ask why he did (go quiet) when you both talked about that not doing to each other.
Or just write him off. There are a lot bad sex performers. So you have plenty to chose from. I get a bad 50 lonely haircomb vibe when you talk about him

Maddie,

You can cut him a break and try talking with him as others suggest, but yes in the US people wish any woman a Happy Mother’s Day and as you two were 3 months in it feels a bit weird he did not. All his behavior put together doesn’t bode well this is a good guy who is really into you. But… you never know. Maybe he had a major freak-out and will come clean about it if you give him a chance. Just don’t expect much if you try it. 4 days after first sex and then texts of a few words screams MEH to me. I don’t do MEH. Life’s too short. If your goal is to remarry within the next couple of years, I don’t get the sense this is your guy.

I was flying once on Mother’s Day and the pilot wished all the mothers on board a Happy Mother’s Day, lol. And my friend who is not even a mother got a free carnation at the grocery store this past Sunday, because the store was giving out flowers to moms and assumed she was one (which I actually think is not a cool thing to do, what if someone were struggling with infertility, or chose not to be a mom for personal reasons). My point is the happy-mothers-day thing is pretty much an epidemic. And yes, you wish your wife/girlfriend, mom, sisters, friends, etc a happy day.

The real issue is that a man who wants to be your boyfriend would never leave this much time after first time sex. In my experience, any man who waits more than 36 hours after first time sex will most likely not ever be something serious.

His behavior should turn you off and seriously consider his fitness for a relationship, which is about him, not you.

However, I am not sure why you waited so long for sex. This becomes confusing because 3 months is when men decide if they want all in or not.