Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › He Invited Me on A Cruise … When should I expect him to delete the app
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Angel.
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Angel
So the guy I have almost been seeing for 2 months invited me on a cruise and I am not fully excited as yet until I see everything is booked and it’s closer to the date. And one thing I appreciate with him, he does keep his word and also his punctuality is super attractive, he has always been on time unless I have changed the time we should meet minutes before so he doesn’t have to wait…. Anyways..He did tell me about all the trips he had planned on our second date , one of which he is returning from now and the cruise was one he mentioned and he did make a joke that he might just invite me . Also when I was putting in my vacation days for work weeks ago he had asked if I could adjust them after I had submitted. Well while on his current trip he did invite me on one of our phone calls, after I told him I would miss him when he leaves for his next trip (PS. This was somewhat of a family trip with his sibling) .
Interestingly on his trip he has improved on communication, like I asked when I kinda initiated to break things off when I told him by a month I would expect exclusivity . Everything has been going well since I last posted about him.
My thing is when we just started dating he said we should take things a day at a time and we did that , then he started planning things weeks in advance and now this is months in advance . Which is honestly a breathe of fresh air to date someone who isn’t into rushing but taking things at a pace I feel comfortable with.
But when should I expect him to delete the app. The last time we were together I saw a notification pop up on his watch for the dating app we met on , to be frank I still have it and browse from time to time . But I want to focus on this guy I believe the traits he has it worth it to see what other things he has to offer. Even tho I do browse I don’t do much but talk a little then unmatch and then snooze the app.
How does it typically work with deleting apps? I don’t feel like 2 month is the right time to have the convo because for now I am ok with it. He does prioritize me, always makes himself available. But it’s odd that he hasn’t deleted the app and still chatting with people . I guess because the guys I’ve dated in the past have probably love bombed or manipulated me to come off by telling me they deleted the app typically in the first 3 weeks of us dating. To just have me all to themselves. I don’t know the protocol.
He invites me to events with his friends, work events , introduce me to people etc. I just feel like based on 2 months (will be 2 months next week) he should want to focus on me and only me. He did say he is dating me exclusively and we have gotten closer during his 2 weeks vacation. Especially with inviting me on a cruise that is 2 months always. Give me some perspective, thanks in advance.
Angel
Also to clarify the trip he is coming from was a family trip not the cruise
Tallspicy
Whenever I date and we talk exclusivity, to me there is always a discussion that to me, that means taking down profiles. You sadly are half exclusive … his words are your exclusive, his actions are longer term. I suggest you say to him.
Hey, I having that is hard for me to ask you about. I am really liking what we have going on, and I look forward to more. From your perspective, where are we in terms of taking our profiles down? His answer will tell you everything.
If he is says we are together then you say, I would like us both to take any apps down as part of that, just to be clear. He says ok. Done. Or…. It is a harder conversation and you need to pull way back and consider options.
AngieBaby
You’ve been dating 7 weeks. He’s been on vacation two of those weeks so you haven’t seen him those weeks. He’s introducing you all over the place and invited you on a cruise. How long a cruise is it? Did he offer to pay for you?
I hate to rain on your parade, but while I don’t think this is classic love bombing it’s still kind of a bit much for less than two months in. All this while not directly bringing up formal exclusivity and taking down profiles, after asking you to go on a cruise a few months away. I think you’re in a high caution zone. Guys who are all in like this so quickly often are fading or out by month three or four.
It’s interesting you are both still on the app and talking to others. Have you had sex with him yet? It kinda feels like you’re in that weird not totally exclusive place, which then leads to misunderstanding and the woman getting hurt because she has settled for semi-exclusivity and then he opts out. Seen it too many times here. He’s acting like a BF so the woman is all happy and thinks it’s in the bag, but that’s not the case. I would have expected an invitation to a cruise would come with, I’d like it if we took our profiles down.
You still don’t know this man very well. Please continue to pay objective attention to what he’s saying and doing. You want to see words and actions matching consistently for a while, at least 90-120 days, before you get to the next stage. Most budding relationships will fizzle inside of the four month mark, that’s just statistically how it goes. I really hope he is genuine and this works out for you.
Angel
Reply : @Angiebaby
How long a cruise is it? 5 days
Did he offer to pay for you? I assumed since he invited he would pay, so will definitely ask that. Wrong of me to assume.
Have you had sex with him yet? Yes.
I was thinking the same thing about the whole acting like a boyfriend. But then again I was thinking he could call himself my boyfriend and still do all those things behind my back. I think my thought process is I would rather be in the know. Now he is not hiding anything.
Angel
@Tallspicy
I will bring it up the second week of March. His actions and words aren’t matching in the fact he basically says he doesn’t wasn’t looking for a relationship but he acts like he wants one or we are in one. I think Angiebaby is right. I told him I will leave if I do not feel fulfilledd, if I have to beg the or ask for being the only girl. This time I will give him the benefit of the doubt by communicating first instead of breaking up with the reason I am unhappy.AngieBaby
“His actions and words aren’t matching in the fact he basically says he doesn’t wasn’t looking for a relationship but he acts like he wants one or we are in one.”
That explains why I had a weird feeling reading about this situation. SMH. Usually we say believe the actions over the words, but in this case the rule “believe the more negative of the words and behavior” is the truth.
Angel: when a guy says he doesn’t want or isn’t looking for a relationship… BELIEVE HIM and get away, on the double, and don’t look back!!! This is exactly what these guys do. Tell you straight up they aren’t going to commit and then to keep you around start acting like they did, so they don’t lose you. Then when you start to think it’s something real, they ditch you, saying (unfortunately rightly) they told you up front they weren’t going to commit. So basically the woman is fed enough sweet talk and actions to believe she has a chance of changing his mind. But that was never going to be the case.
“I told him I will leave if I do not feel fulfilledd, if I have to beg the or ask for being the only girl.” This is why he’s now chasing you. It won’t last.
He’s not bringing up deleting the app because he doesn’t want to and isn’t going to. He’s going to have fun and sex with you until he decides you’re getting too attached or until he meets someone else. Why would you consider bringing it up because you want to focus on him and see where it goes??!!
Did he tell you he doesn’t want a relationship before or after you slept with him?
And I wouldn’t presume he’s paying for the cruise. That’s a really mean thing to do, dangle that in front of you when he’s already put you on notice he doesn’t want you long-term. My advice is if you really want a relationship, forget the cruise and forget this guy. Now. From what I”ve read of your posts that is what you want but for some reason you keep going for these unavailable guys. Time to get honest and examine why you like these men who don’t want a real relationship. Maybe you’re the one who won’t/can’t commit??
“This time I will give him the benefit of the doubt by communicating first instead of breaking up with the reason I am unhappy.” You aren’t really together!! He doesn’t deserve or need the benefit of the doubt. He already told you where he stands and where you stand. For some reason you’re choosing to ignore what he said.
You’ve gotta wise up. Why are you willing to put yourself through this for a guy who is clearly going to break your expectations??
Tallspicy
You left out the only thing that matters which is he told you he does not want a relationship. Pretty a major omission. When men’s words and actions don’t match, always believe the one that is less committed and nothing says I am not committed than saying… I don’t want to commit.
Would have saved a lot of time on this post. End it.
Tallspicy
You are past benefit of the doubt as soon as the words were uttered.
Angel
Had the conversation tonight, Tallspicy copied and paste again…. Sharing the exact dialogue.
Me:Would you say you like what we have going on so far?
Him: What we have has been going well so far. I think the communication has been good and that helps
Me :Okkie
Him : 🙂
Him:Anything else on your mind that you want to chat about?Me: From your perspective where are you in terms of taking down your profile from the ******?
Him: I can take it down
Me: Ok then
Him:Have you taken down your profile from the ******
Him: ?Me: Yes I did
Him : How do you know mine is still up ?
Me : I just do
Him: 👀
Him: 🤔Me: Why is it that you want to keep it ?
Him: I don’t want to
Him: I’m not saying that
Him: I was just asking some questions since you’re off the appMe : I asked a question so if you didn’t have the profile you would just tell me you deleted it. I believe you, you haven’t given me a reason not to. So whatever you told me I would work with.
Gosh this was time consuming to copy and paste 😅 .. anyways we know I saw the app off his watch but I’ll keep that to myself . Don’t want him to act too cautious etc
Angel
He did say when he originally joined the app he was not looking for a relationship and that I had him reconsidering but if he were to do the relationship thing based on things it would be me . That was before sex and 3 weeks into dating . I disregarded the last part ( this part that I had him reconsidering but if he were to do the relationship thing based on things it would be me) because in mind in the moment of hearing him, I am like this guy is telling me what I was to hear. He has been consistent .
AngieBaby
Angel… this community gets annoyed and frustrated when people who post A) don’t include all the relevant information and B) don’t take advice and keep making the same mistake over and over again. As Tallspicy pointed out, you left out some major important information. It’s not fair to expect us to take the time to answer when we’re missing the whole picture.
I have no further advice to give because clearly you’re going ahead with this no matter what anyone here says. You’re too willing to take a man and what he says at face value and as the truth before you really know him. 95% chance he will fade or ghost before the cruise or shortly after and if he says anything it will be I’m not ready to be in a relationship because <fill in the BS excuse because he was never serious in the first place>. I really hope I’m wrong. But nothing you’ve said about him and this convo you’ve shared – did you really do this in text?? BAD idea – don’t point to a guy who will give you what you say you want.
Wish you the best of luck.
Tallspicy
1. No important conversations should ever be had by text
2. So he took it down, but you asked about the symptom, the profile… not the disease… is this a relationship.I said my peace on this. Good luck!
Angel
Never again will I come on this platform and not listen to you guys. Everything played out exactly as the advice gave . Not that you guys need props or anything . But I was too eager to believe things
AngieBaby
Angel – thanks for the update. I’m sure I can speak for all of us who commented to say we take no pleasure in hearing it went the way we thought it would. I’m very, very sorry. Hugs. Every single of one us here has no doubt been too eager to believe what a man was saying. The bright side is it’s a learning experience and you will handle it very differently the next time. You will ask questions, wait and see without getting too involved or you’ll just walk away when you see these behaviors.
Angel
You are welcome and thanks especially for your advice ‘ #940695’ that’s the advice I was saying played out, he never deleted the app etc . Thanks tho I did learn and things were obvious to me but I chose to ignore them because I wanted to . Which I think it’s loneliness. Everything ended and he was so cold which is kind of the most annoying part about all this . Anyways thank you again so much .
Ewa
as soon as I saw his reply: I don’t want to I am not saying that I know this guy won’t be there for long . For the future , never ever delete the app if you are single , you don’t have to talk to other guys or meet them but if you are not exclusive with someone, you can have the app on your phone.
Angel
You are totally right Ewa about keeping my options open and not deleting the app. I am over the apps this time for good. I was over the T app after a bad experience and now with the B app I am done. My mom says these guys never delete the app and in some instances it’s true which in this case he was still on it, even had up a pic I took of him.
I think someone said that I thought I could change him by showing him how amazing and loyal I am (doormat) and even tho I felt strongly he was still on the app and seeing other people I was almost willing to settle. I ended things before finding the app because I wanted a relationship and he said why I couldn’t wait a little, and he wasn’t saying it would take a month or another 4 months and that during that time he would still be ‘single’ which was interesting after he said we were exclusive. But he said he wasn’t unwilling to have a relationship with me. This guy even said I am been dating you exclsuively and spending my time exclsuively with you lol.
It was 2 weeks of this conversation in the air ( in which he was convincing me to stay a bit until last week he was like whatever you decide I will accept), andI guess enough time for his true colors to come out. Even tho I should be proud that I was able to put my foot done I tried to give him room to at least try to come back and he said all the right things that made me say to myself ‘ok let’s make it work.’ Until I saw his profile the following day.And part of me still wants for him to reach out (why ?I have no clue, maybe ego) After seeing his profile I did lash out and now I regret doing that because what was the point.
Anyways I say that to say I allowed to get played because I knew everything from month 1 and I have no right being emotional and this upset if I knew all along. Someone said there is a reason I go for emotionally unavailable guys and I think so. So going to therapy because I obviously have issues. Conflictiing issues. So definitely going this week and see what childhood or what’s causing my poor decison making.
Thanks again, you guys really are amazing.
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