Home › Forums › Did He Lose Interest? › He is less attentive and less open, is he done?
- This topic has 9 replies and was last updated 9 years, 6 months ago by
LauraL.
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Sara
I have been dating my boyfriend since Feb, known him since Jan. When we first met and for the first 4 months he was really into me. Called me beautiful, was pursuing me, wanted to be with me all the time. He would text, and call, and send me messages throughout the day and we saw each other or talked on the phone or online every day.
Around the middle of April I noticed he was around less, busier, and just less available. He said he was busy at work, and I think he was, but that had never stopped him before. We have had a couple of fights. Usually about me being jealous. But, for the most part it has been pretty okay. I have asked what is going on, and asked him if he is good with how we are and he says that felt like we were way too “hot and heavy” at the beginning and there was just no way we could keep that up, and that he has no interest in ending the relationship. But he is getting less and less attentive. He isn’t as open with me, doesn’t share details of his day or life. Doesn’t really ask me questions about my life as much. The sex is great. But it does seem a little less romantic.
We do have some really great times, there are days, even whole weeks where he is super attentive and flirty. But then he will pull back. I don’t know what to do. When he is in his super affectionate moods I tease him and flirt and send him flirty texts and stuff and he replies immediately and it’s fun and I feel really good about everything. But then he’ll pull back and when I call or text or ask to go out I feel like I am bothering him. He still texts back, but it takes him some time and it isn’t all that flirty and interested. He will go days where he is “too busy” doing things with his friends and stuff to even see me.
I feel like a yo-yo being pulled in close and then pushed away. He is never mean, just distant. I’ve never had a guy do this before? Is this normal? Is he losing interest? How do I handle this?
Sin
Hi Sara,
At the moment it is difficult to tell what exactly is on his mind. He could either be really busy with stuff and in a comfortable space with you or he this could be his way of slow fade. What I would suggest is that you take a step back and be so busy with your own life that you have no time to analyze his behaviour. Focus on yourself, spend time with your friends, at the gym, doing the things you like etc. and let him be. I am pretty sure he will notice the change in behaviour, wonder what you’re upto and step up! Good luck!
xoxo
Amy S
hi.
I think you need to step away from the phone and do other things. I agree with your guy that the hot n heavy stuff cannot be sustained. It sounds like you want him there for you to text/ call and see you. 24 / 7. No guy can do that for you. Work, pals, social life, rest, all that is part of your guys life too hes entitled to some down time. Pull back with all the texting and calling, let him ask you out. I don’t think hes lost interest I think you are expecting too much from him. Relax and enjoy the relationship but give him some room and stop over analysing what hes doing and worrying about his interest. He will be feeling that pressure from you and that’s why hes pulling back. xredcurleysue
He is rubberbanding. Men NEED space…the less space you give the more they step back.
They are like cats…they are very very independent and want your attention when you are not giving it. My cats literally get in my face when they want my attention…yet when I feel like cuddling they want none of it.
Let him come to you and rub your legs (oh, sorry talking about cats) I mean let him come to you and show you attention…then you can give him some…but not too much…they overstimulate on attention easily.
dixit
“Let him come to you and rub your legs” hahahah, redcurleysue, that made my day, lol! :D
Anon
Totally agree with RCS and Amy S. Get off his case a little, make him miss you ;)
CalLady
6 months seems to be one of the “make or break” points in a relationship where the guy (sometimes the girl) takes a step back to consider whether the relationship is working for them and if they want to start getting serious. The honeymoon phase is starting to end about now, and things begin to get into a more routine or real stage where the rest of our personal lives start to take over again. If he’s still initiating contact, I agree with the above comments, get on with your life and let him come to you. If you start to chase at all he could well panic that you’re pushing for more than he’s ready for. By all means show him you care when he contacts or when you see each other, but if you get on with your life, show him you want him rather than need him, there’s more chance he’ll see you as an enhancement to his life rather than a complication.
Sara
This is good to hear. I read about this all the time, giving space, letting him text or call you etc. and I DO that. I am not barraging him, I do give him the space and I totally get that he needs his own life. So, I am doing all those things.
BUT I think about him ALL the time. So, I think you guys are dead on. In the past most of my boyfriends liked me a lot more than I liked them. But I REALLY like this one. So, I am the one who thinks about him ALL the time.
And yeah, it does make sense that at about 6 mos is when things would settle into a more normal thing.
Thanks for the good insight on a situation that I was not quite seeing properly.
And the cat thing is hilarious. :)
Ashley
Try to stop thinking about him constantly because it’s easy to create problems when you do that, sometimes when they’re not there to begin with. Try to focus on other things when you think about him excessively. Listen to happy music, take a walk, browse online, watch a tv show, read an article anything to sorta re-train your mind to be more about you & a little less about him :)
LauraL
I think it was mentioned here before that woman’s minds are different than men- many women here said that they, too, think about their significant other all day…but that does lead to obsession and too much over-analyzing.
One thing that helped me was this illustration: In our minds, everything is scattered about – like a web browser with 100 tabs open all the time. But with men, they have boxes in their brain “Work” “girlfriend” “sports” etc…They compartmentalize…so when they are at work, they think about work, etc.
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