Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › He is very needy…..how to deal
- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 3 years, 6 months ago by
tammy.
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Corrine
So I have started hanging out with a guy I use to go to high school with. He is lovely and we have nice dates/days out together. The only thing is, he is quite needy.
I have a very demanding job where I need to concentrate a lot throughout the day. The subject of my work is also very emotionally draining, so I need a lot of time to process this and get back to being myself.
He messages me throughout the day, and if I am not chatty he always asks if something is wrong. He asked my yesterday “are you ok?” about 6 times. I have told him my work situation, but he always says things like “as long as you don’t hate me, or sorry I am annoying”. I even have to remind him that I am sometimes doing things like housework, so I can’t always be messaging.
The thing is, this is starting to be a turn off. He is very confident and funny in person, but through messages he is super needy. I know he does have some issues, but even with accepting that it is becoming difficult.
I don’t know what to do. I have tried telling him but all of this is starting to make me not want to message or hang out with him any more.
Raven
Needy people are not confident…
Honestly, He’s not the guy for you…
Maddie
Neediness aside, he’s not respecting your boundaries. You told him you’re busy during work and he keeps ignoring that and making it all about him. Big red flag. He is allowed to have issues, but you should not date any man who takes their own issues out on you. He needs to be taking responsibility for himself, not making it your problem (or endlessly needing your validation) before you’re even officially together.
It’s perfectly okay to get to know someone better in early dating and decide it’s not the right match for you, that is what dating is for. If you’re feeling put off by his behavior of ignoring your boundaries plus not believing you or addressing it when you’ve tried to discuss it with him, listen to your instincts. They are on to something.
T from NY
Men who act like this are not emotionally healthy. They either have neurotically low self esteem therefore they will be emotional vampires trying to suck too much energy from you, secretly have hateful feelings towards women and try to provoke the woman rejecting them so they can then blame it on her, or they are trying over time to erode your boundaries so they can later control and abuse.
The first time a man didn’t respect my clearly stated boundaries (about something small such as texts or phone calls) would be a GIANT pink flag. Then, if they did it again, after I pointed this out, they would be gone. This guy sounds like bad news.
Erin
I think you should just tell him straight up that hey, I’m busy with work during the day and I can’t return texts.just switch off your data if you don’t need to chat.
tammy
just tell him very clearly that your busy during your working hours and can’t chat during the day. if he can’t get that than that’s his problem. not yours. if he still messages, just ignore and only respond when your free after work. think he would get the message.
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