Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › He keeps asking what I want from him?
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December.
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December
I have been sleeping with this man for a few months. I was going through separation/divorce at the time, and when he asked what I wanted, I said just a distraction. I told him I didn’t have room for emotional relationships at the time. Things have been progressing the past few weeks, and we have seen each or spoken every day. Last night he came over to my house and again, as we started getting hot and heavy, he asked me what I want from him (unprompted by me…I did not ask anything about “us” at all). I told him I was having trouble keeping him as just a distraction and that I liked it when people mistake me for his “girl” even though I know it is not a good idea. He seemed to like that answer, but when I asked the same of him, he said “we have to keep it just physical” (without answering my question directly). I asked why that was, and he said that I know why (I really don’t…because my divorce isn’t final? That’s my best guess) and that it would be dangerous (again, no explanation on the “dangerous” part). I know he is trying to be coy or something, but I honestly have no idea if he is teasing me because he wants to keep me guessing (he loves playing games), or if he is struggling too, or if he really does think that is possible at all.
He did act distressed when he realized we won’t see each other for a couple of weeks. He wanted to know what he will do, and I said he could find a replacement for me (teasing), and he was appalled and offended that I would suggest there is anyone else. He also kept saying that there was something “different” about me last night and kind of looking at me like he was dazed or trying to figure something out.
Anyway, he is acting like a guy head over heels, but using the words of a guy who is unattached. Which should I beleieve?
Lane
Hi December.
I know exactly where you’re at and so does he because he’s most likely been where you are now—in the early rebound phase. I believe he’s “testing you” to be sure you only want the physical and not the emotional aspect of this FWB. Men are very straightforward and he’s being very clear he doesn’t want a relationship with you and you must trust him regardless of how you think you may be reading his actions—he just really likes the sex.
I would really try to keep the emotional aspect out of it as it will take you TWICE as long to start the hard work one must go through to properly grieve and heal from a divorce. It will SLAP you hard soon, so be ready for it when it comes and will tell lover boy to get lost. Been there, done that.
December
Lane,
Thank you for your reply. I took your advice seriously. I chickened out in person, so I sent him a message. I told him that I had really enjoyed our time together, but that I had developed feelings, and I would rather end things now before they got too serious.
His response, “What are you afraid of?”
I said, “You breaking my heart if I let this continue”.He asked to see me in person, but I was with family and couldn’t get away.
I assume will talk soon in person. But I assumed the response would be “If that is what you really want, then ok.” OR something.So now I face even more confusion and some sort of conversation. Was I wrong to be honest?
Lane
Hi December.
If you update a post it goes back to the top :-) Had to go back and read this to remember the specific details and advice I gave you.
Nothing wrong with being honest, but you really shouldn’t have done this over text. I understand the deep yearning to feel a connection that you haven’t been feeling with your ex, but this is just the calm before the upcoming storm. Eventually you’ll be compelled to pull back and start the hard work of creating your new identity (self) without your ex in it. The longer you hold off or try to get over one by getting under another, the harder it will be on you personally.
Mixing new emotions while still dealing while also dealing with unresolved ones is a recipe for disaster. How long you were married? What contributed to the divorce?
December
I was married five years. The divorce was a long time coming. I left the marriage emotionally two years ago, but it took this long to get to the point where I could physically leave. He cheated and lied a lot in the beginning and never seemed to see me as me. I actually have no emotional turmoil over it, minus the logistics of starting over and separating our lives. I honestly have just been wanting to leave for so long that I feel like I can finally breathe and let go.
This new guy is so confusing to me. I have given him the arguments. i told him hopping from one relationship to a new one is not good. I told him that if we continue, my feelings will get stronger. So, we had a long IM message last night before I went and talked to him in person. I was left still feeling like WTF. I know he is messing with me. I know he is playing a game.I know a smarter woman would recognize this and move on. I guess I feel like I’m aware of the game, so I’m seeing how he plays it. I just cannot figure out his end game. This is part of our conversation from last night (I sent a message saying I was embarrassed for getting emotional):
HIM: And don’t be embarrassed. That happens when ur buttons r pushed
ME: Lol..Or maybe there is a button I didn’t know about that triggers silly girl emotions.
HIM: Lol. Yes I know that button
ME: Clearly. Hence why I said if we continue, it will get worse. I thought I had control over all my buttons.
HIM: Well if ur divorce is goin through, why wouldn’t I want to?
ME: You said it was only physical for you.
HIM: And
ME:And I don’t want to be falling for someone who doesn’t have feelings for me. Did that once before. Now I have to divorce him.
HIM: Diversion equals physical. I’m confused
ME: Yes. It was a diversion. Then I went and got feelings for some reason I don’t understand. It took me by surprise, but I thought if you had them too, it wasn’t bad. To have then by myself is humiliating and a set up for more feelings later. If I keep going, the feelings will just get worse.
And I can’t set myself up for that again.
So ending it here and staying friends seems a better alternative
HIM: Uhmmm btw it’s too late…. U can’t unpush buttons, if you try it turns into mental anguish.
Some reason? Can’t figure it out huh?
ME: No. I can’t. Mind explaining oh wise one?
HIM: Hey u have a friend who owns a bar, gives you free drinks and u have buttons u didn’t know u had… Life is good! Enjoy it , Right?
ME: Until the day I show up in tears because you got bored and started giving free drinks to a younger prettier girl.
HIM: Lol… U got me wrong
ME: Then what is it you ultimately want from me?
HIM: Since u asked Tough to get any prettier than you, having said that, I am a brunette guy and nothing more is more attractive to me than a long haired brunette. U may have noticed that
ME: Well thanks. That makes me feel terrific
HIM: It should because obviously I broke the rules for u
ME: Why?
HIM: Your pretty
You have shall we say faceME: So what do you want from me? what is your goal?
HIM:See 3 previous text
ME: And you don’t care if you hurt me or ultimately break my heart because I’m pretty enough to break the rules?
HIM: Uhmmm… That’s to deep for me…..remember diversion
ME: Right. Ok. Like I said. We can still be friends.
HIM: So ur not up for the challenge
ME: What challenge?
HIM: Since u asked Tough to get any prettier than you, having said that, I am a brunette guy and nothing is more attractive to me than a long haired brunette. U may have noticed that
ME: Huh?
HIM: That’s called a copy & paste lol
ME: So I need to get a wig? Is that the challenge?
HIM: Lol ur funny
ME: I don’t know what you mean then. I can’t take on a challenge if I don’t know what I win.
HIM: That we are discussing this should be an indication of u Winning!
ME: OK, so, the fact that this is insulting beyond belief aside, say I change my hair. Then what? What about that would change anything about me? I’d still be the same person. So how would that make you happy?
HIM: If u only knew.
____________________________________________________________
So when I confronted him about being a shallow jerk, he said, “Well, you dumped me. So who was mean first?”I said I explained why. And he said, “ok, well, that makes it better”
Later, after a couple drinks, I said ultimately I just want to be loved and I am tired of looking in the wrong places. And he backed away and said, “ok” and looked freaked. And so I said, “not by you”. And he got offended and told me that was mean.
So….yes, this is an extremely immature and possibly toxic relationship. I am well aware of all of that. I just keep going back trying to see what he will throw out there next. Is it the unpredictibility that I am drawn to? I can’t even begin to guess. I feel like the fact that I’m aware he is testing me and trying to bend me to his will is going to protect me from the consequences.
Gemini615
You are REALLY wasting your time with this guy. You already know what you need to do, yet you keep entertaining him, or the idea of him, because your trying to figure out his “end game”? What’s to figure out? He doesn’t want more than a hook up. He’s being intentionally vague in his messages and is talking in circles trying to skirt around the issue of discussing your emotions and feelings towards him. This is purely physical for him and you’ve demonstrated that you want more than that.
Also, you should never have conversations like that over text. It needs to be had in person, or at LEAST over the phone. But you see how vague and distant he can be over text, not really ever answering your questions. It was confusing and frustrating to read. Please try to move on.
Lane
Sweetie, you just really need to end this torture. Regardless of the circumstances of your divorce, you’re so desperate to feel loved that you will reach out to anyone for it. I’m sorry, but you still have unresolved feelings with the ex, and trying to suppress them isn’t a good life strategy.
I highly suggest you be with YOURSELF for awhile and take a “time out” to:
1. Finish up the divorce.
2. Buy some self-improvement / empowerment books that deals directly with YOUR ISSUES because if you don’t fix those areas then you continue to drag them around like a ball and chain.
3. Create a new single life and embrace it by learning how to love yourself by rebuilding your your self-esteem, self-worth, confidence and happiness. The one thing I learned from mine is that I am not responsible for anyone’s happiness but MY OWN. I suggest getting out and going to the gym (great for mental and physical well being); start engaging in old and new hobbies (do you like sports, cooking, art?) by joining local groups. I used “Meetup” and still do today as it offers so many things to do with like minded people—so start filling up your calendar with FUM activities that brings you internal enjoyment.
4. Only until you feel CONFIDENT that you’ve tackled your issues, start dipping your toe into the dating pool (with NO SEX) to see how far you’ve come mentally. If you aren’t in a good mental place, then men won’t be attracted to in the way you want and need them to be.
If you’re mentally strong you wouldn’t fall into these traps so easily. A woman with a strong mind a body wouldn’t feel this vulnerable, weak or out of control. Once you get yourself into a good place you will start attracting the right kind of men who want you for ALL of you, not just a romp in the hay. I know its hard work, but trust me, you will feel so much better when you’re whole again :-)
Harley
Hi december.. all Gemini615 said is true so please take it on board.
WELCOME BACK GEM !
Ivy
Dear December,
RUN FAST !!!! This does sound emotionally toxic!!!
It sounds to me like you are emotionally sharing in a very vulnerable and honest way (which is admirable) with a man who is basically enjoying the vulnerability but ultimately telling you in a roundabout way that he wants a purely physical relationship with you and he is trying to convince you to set your fears aside and engage in a purely physical relationship with him. He doesn’t sound like a very “good man” to me because a really “good man” would realize that you are being vulnerable and he would cut the ties and go for a woman who can engage in casual sex without emotions. I think it seems that you are very drawn to this man and he is using this to keep you attached to him, he does not express any real “feelings” or vulnerabilities towards you. Realize that some men who just want casual sex will enjoy it more with a woman who cares about him or could, rather than the equally detached woman who just engages for sex alone. My thought is that they get a bigger ego boost, they get some emotional investment without having to give any and I think it’s a thrill for some dishonest men. Realize he isn’t telling you straight on but rather playing with words. Just imagine a man who plays with words how he would play with your heart.
Best of Luck!!!!
Ivy
Some of my message got cut off but was basically what Lane said, Realize that you do not need a man in your life right now, spend time with yourself, fall in love with yourself. You can feel and experience love without being with a man.
“Love yourself first”
And if you still aren’t convinced just imagine going through what you are going through with this guy for another month, another 2 months, another 6 or a year, where do you think you would be emotionally then. And he’s a string a long guy so he will keep you as long as you let him, that is my thought. Cut that string and cut him loose!!!!
Anna
Totally agree with Gemini, Lane, and Harley….
You deserve better than this!!! I am ALL for diversions and romps in the hay but this is not even that…..it’s just torturing yourself…..I don’t even think he’s particularly an asshole but this SITUATION is just so obviously unpleasant for you…..
Personally, the times in my life when I’ve been drawn to UNPREDICTABILITY (i.e. attaching to someone who wasn’t attached to me, different than the natural open-endedness of life…) were always when I wasn’t dealing with my own issues or creating a life for myself of fun and fulfillment….
Lane’s advice about dealing with your deep issues and creating a life for yourself is great….we ALL have to do this no matter what our relationship situations are…..once you have done that you will be soooooo utterly BORED by situations like this that they won’t even be an issue for you…..
I think it’s great that you were completely honest with yourself about the fact that this was no longer merely a diversion for you…..unfortunately it’s not his responsibility to deal with your feelings (nor does he have the capacity to) and attempting to resolve your feelings through talking to him is just a recipe for further heartache and confusion…..honestly, having been on BOTH sides of this situation…..I don’t think he is being a shallow jerk, I think he is just being as honest as he can be about the fact that he is attracted to you but isn’t interested in a relationship……that DOESN’T make a guy a jerk….MOST people we are attracted to we shouldn’t be in relationships with!!! Yes he could have more gracefully handled this but ultimately it is up to you…..getting mad at someone for not wanting to be in a relationship with you is just not the way to go….everybody has a right to choose…..what you DO get to choose is how you engage with someone based on their decisions….nobody owes you a relationship just because you have developed feelings…..(and I say this having been both the one thinking so-and-so was a shallow jerk AND having been called the shallow bitch for not wanting more…..) but YOU are the one who owes yourself love, and no matter how much you think your awareness of the situation will protect you from consequences, it still REALLY sounds like this is causing you massive amounts of pain….and therefore is not an act of self-love to continue…..LOVE YOURSELF enough to choose things that make you happy, rather than sticking around to cause yourself more pain. I
know it was hard for you to leave your marriage but then what a relief it was when you finally did….maybe this is a miniature version of the same thing? I think you will be VERY relieved and feel SO much better when you leave this behind….
Feeling good about YOU is the truly the only way….then you can freely accept attention and attraction with all kinds of people, and fully enjoy their company and physicality, but CHOOSE to invest only in relationships that are worth it to you, and in which both of you are completely on the same page….and you DESERVE a happy and fulfilling life…..
xoxo
Anna
and with Ivy! our posts overlapped…
December
Wow, thanks so much for all the replies and support. I didn’t expect so much!
I guess the frustrating thing is that I know better. I would tell any of my friends the same thing. I tell myself the same thing. Daily.
Then I talk to him and everything gets so confused again. So I ignore him and he texts me a million times and shows up at my house at 2 in the morning and acts so distraught over my disappearance that it convinces me he really cares. So I tell him I feel things and he tells me that isn’t a good idea. So I tell him to leave me alone, and he acts like that is not an option. I even said I can’t start a new relationship and he said, “that isn’t your reality”. I said it should be, and he said it was too late for that.
He seemed to enjoy last night a little too much. The more I drink, the more I confess. He just kept refilling my glass with straight vodka. And asking leading questions. He wasn’t tired of the conversation at all. He was enjoying every minute of it. He kept it going even when the topic changed.
celesteannv
December,
I can only echo what other shave said her.. my heart is aching for the ploys this man is pulling. It was fine in the beginning when you were both on the same page, but to feed you little bits of hope when you have said you are falling for him.
As was said above.. a GOOD man would not try to string you along like this.
Step back and take time to heal from your divorce. i get that it feels good to be loved., but until you are stronger, you will fall prey to this man and others like him.
Huge hugs!Anna
yes, i change my mind about him not acting like an asshole after what you just posted. this behavior is just plain immature and bizarre.
do you even like him? as a person? apart from the interest he shows in you?
December
Anna,
That is a really good question. Sometimes I do. Sometimes he and I hang out and have dinner and talk for a couple of hours, and it is a lot of fun and I feel like he really is interested in everything about me. He remembers everything I tell him and knows when I’m being evasive. He makes me open up in conversation and won’t let me get by without pulling out every detail. I’ve never had someone who listened so closely to what I say and forced me to open up so much. And sometimes he is open and shares about himself (i’m not quite so pushy in my questions), and I can see why he is the way he is. We also have a lot of fun together hanging out at his bar, singing, dancing, drinking. We’ve spent more time out of bed than in. And the sex is intense and crazy and exhausting, unlike anything I’ve ever had before (and I have had my fair share). And sometimes he seems a little romantic and tells me things like, if I ask him to, he will close the bar down just to take me out somewhere or that he thinks there is a reason we met and that we are not in each other’s lives by accident.
But then he says it is just physical. But we do so much more than sex. So…I don’t understand how it can be. And I get confused. When he isn’t playing mental games, he acts like a boyfriend. But as soon as he starts probing me for my feelings for him, it turns into a game.
Anna
I think…..things are rarely so black and white as “physical” vs “serious” relationship. MOST relationships are somewhere in between…..
My impression is that he really does like you as a person, but that his “just physical” comment is both to make it clear that it’s casual, lighthearted….and MAYBE to tease you a little bit and get you to reveal your feelings about him….I think we have put guys in a very bad position where if they EVER admit to it being more than just physical suddenly they are expected to commit to you for a lifetime…..so just know for yourself that simply by enjoying your company he is expressing his interest and appreciation of you….simply as your relationship is now…..not necessarily looking for anything further, but definitely enjoying the now….
IF you enjoy the relationship as it is …. I would just tease him right back about your feelings and don’t get overly serious in talking about them…..BUT if you feel like you NEED this to be a serious, committed, definite relationship for you to feel okay about it, then I would step back…..I think he does like you and enjoy your company but that’s different from wanting a serious relationship…..to me the BEST casual relationships are where both people respect and love each other as people…..these are the kinds of casual relationships I personally most enjoy…..
Sooooo……I would do some thinking about how this relationships is working for you now, AS IT IS…..IF you can handle him probing/teasing about your feelings for him and give it right back, then maybe you’ll have a great time with it and enjoy….IF it really just feels too painful for you I would step back and say, ok, this was fun but not what I need right now……
I think even casual relationships can be beautiful and magical and important…..but you DO have to be clear with yourself about your expectations….be able to enjoy it for what it is, completely in the moment, be ok if it disappears tomorrow…..not an easy place to get to, or at least it took me a long time before I was centered enough to appreciate these things for what they are…..IF you feel very attached to the outcome of this relationship, I would step back and focus on you…..IF he is great company and is just being a bit silly about these “what are your feelings” conversations…..I would just STOP taking him so seriously when he says those things and just tease him right back…..appreciate that you have a real connection and enjoy it ….BUT….if that just feels dishonest/painful to you, I would step back and focus on yourself and come back to the whole casual relationship thing when you truly feel ready to enjoy it….
how do you feel about the relationship as it is now? assuming that nothing changes (apart from maybe your own attitude toward it), is it something you want in your life or not?
hope that helps
xoxoDecember
Anna,
Thank you so much for the thoughtful comment. I had not thought that he might enjoy teasing me. It makes sense.
I have no problem with the relationship as it is (has been). I was wanting to keep it where it was and see where it went. I only got concerned when he told me to keep it physical after bringing up the whole “what do you want from me?” thing. Before that he kept saying, “there is something about you tonight” and acting very romantic, which is why the whole conversation threw me for a loop. I’m ok with leaving things to chance or leaving them unsaid. But acting the way he does and then saying something so completely opposite out of nowhere was so unexpected that it made me question everything. Before this I wasn’t really thinking that much about it.
The funny thing is that I really had no long term hopes or plans. I really did just want to keep enjoying it. I just couldn’t figure out why he suddenly felt the need to say that when before everything felt fine. I never mentioned the future or love or hopes and dreams. I mentioned how much fun it was that it was our little secret when people came into the bar and tried to flirt with one of us. Whether my feelings were on my face, I have no idea, but I certainly hadn’t thought I’d done anything to prompt the stern reminder to keep it physical.
Anna
To me, it sounds like he’s teasing you to get a sense of your feelings….not necessarily because he is ready for something more but just because he is curious….and maybe a little insecure about the fact that he is developing feelings for you….the comment about just keeping it physical honestly sounds like a reminder to HIMSELF….my intuition is that he is developing SOME feelings for you but has no idea what to make of them and is trying (by poking you like this) to figure out where you stand…..then when things did get a bit heavy very quickly he kind of freaked out and backed off…..
If you enjoy his company just as it is, I would honestly NOT worry about his comments….I think they are semi-typical guy ploys to get a sense of your feelings….but you do NOT owe him any explanations or soul-baring confessions at this point, no matter how close you are….just be light and gentle and tease back….IF he sits you down and confesses feelings for you and that he wants to take things further….THEN you can be serious too and really think about these questions…but until that point just keep it light and don’t engage with his questions too seriously…..it’s totally fine to keep him guessing a bit about how deeply you actually feel about him in this stage…..HE should be the one to step up and say something…..right now I feel like he is uncertain about his feelings for you and trying to get YOU to say something definite….but that’s just a silly trap…..I would honestly just keep enjoying the relationship as it is as long as it makes you happy…..JUST keep a big smile on your face and your tone lighthearted whenever he brings up the “what do you want from me?” stuff…..keep it flirtatious…..IF he wants to get serious, he can do so…..but don’t let him get you to start talking about your feelings for him FIRST….. IF he starts talking about what he wants from YOU, then it’s fine to open up a bit more seriously IF that’s something you want…..but until then I would honestly just go with the “it’s just physical ;-)” right back at him, with a knowing twinkle in your eye that suggests that there COULD be much more, but YOU are still debating that….which is actually an honest response too as that is pretty much where you’re at and definitely the healthiest place too :-)
hope that helps
xoxoDecember
Anna,
Wow, you really have helped me see this a lot more clearly. Thanks.
Now I am not sure how to deal with the fact that I made a huge deal out of this already.
Anna
Ah good question.
MOST important thing I think just forgive yourself for getting all worked up about it, keep a sense of humor about the whole thing and realize that it’s not the end of the world even if you did freak out a little bit. Sounds like he is still pursuing contact with you like crazy so no need for any major repairs……just a shift in tone that gets YOU feeling better about the whole thing.
A couple of ideas (but do what works for you and what feels natural to you when you’re feeling good):
1) just wait til the next time he starts up on the subject and tease him right back.
2) say something like “I’m so glad we’re just physical, I don’t know what I was thinking earlier…..it’s so much more fun this way” (no big further discussion of what you are or are not but just as a light offhand comment)
3) (playfully) “you know you’re totally not my type either”Basically when in doubt just mirror his comments back to you…..and don’t take him too seriously…..if it feels like he’s interrogating you again just treat it like he’s making a hilarious joke that you’re happy to play along with….
Sometimes all this joking and teasing can actually be fun and a lighthearted way of feeling out how you feel about each other and simply enjoying it…..the trick is just to play them at their own game (by playfully playing along rather than taking them too seriously). He MAY get serious at some point …..but that means he will tell you how HE feels not try to get you to say it. I have gotten into a serious tangle about this kind of thing before……laughing it off and playing along is honestly the easiest and most straightforward way to handle it I think…..plus it’s more fun!
Xoxo
Anna
Ps sorry for the wildly varying responses on my part over the course of this…..I think it took me a little while to fully get a sense of what was going on!!
December
No, I don’t mind at all. It all has been great advice and I am gladto have had it. I wish I would have talked about this yesterday before my embarassing night. How willing are men to forgive drunken neediness? I have also sent two messages to him today. Stupid. One this morning that was teasing about our previous night’s conversation (trying to lighten the mood). And a second one that let him know something important that had happened that had nothing to do with “us” but he needed to know about. He hasn’t responded to either. I really think I freaked him out. Now I feel like I want to explain,but I know that is not a good idea. So I will give him space and let him contact me if he chooses.
Anna
Sounds good!!! I would give it a little time and just remember that he was acting a little ridiculous/idiotic…..it wasn’t just you!! So maybe he is a little embarrassed too!
I would go with your intuition as to further communication – if you were SUPER harsh in the way you said “but not you” I might apologize for that/clarify somehow…..IF it seemed like he was hurt by it in a real way. Depends how likely he is to take it as a total rejection vs just a semi-drunken argument…..or by taking a lighthearted tone to the whole night just as you did to implicitly say that….
To me the important thing before giving space is to make sure I’ve been clear about my actual feelings rather than leaving things on a weird/misinterpretable note…..ie making sure it’s a welcome opportunity for the person to write back if they want to …..
But I know that I DO err on the side of over-communication (as you can see by my overly long posts!!!) if I feel like I’ve said something that came off other than how I intended it
I honestly think the followup texts were not a bad idea ALL…..one of the few times when I think a followup text is not a bad idea is when there is a big misunderstanding like this….THEN it’s better to be clear if/when you’ve calmed down so that it’s clear the door is open to communication if/when he’s ready…..
What do you want to explain to him? IF it can wait, I would wait……but if you think based on everything so far he will radically misinterpret where you’re at then a quick, light, neutral followup is not a terrible idea ……not that you want to keep texting him but you do want to leave it on a good note….
I once said something pretty hurtful to the guy im seeing (about how I didn’t know if I wanted to see him anymore)……I probably DID send an overly long text afterward saying that I still did……and it took him a day or two to respond but for me it was more important to be kind, honest and clear in that situation rather than strictly following the rules about not texting…..because I knew I had hurt HIM……
I think his semi-idiotic behavior brought what you said upon himself but at the same time I think any relationship that you want to continue, it’s important to give people the benefit of the doubt…..I DO think he is insecure about his feelings for you and how you feel about him…..not that you have to indulge him in that but it might explain a lot of his otherwise confusing behavior…
It sounds like your texts today were pretty good indications of your overall feelings and left space for him to respond in his own time…..a little cooling off period might not be bad…..gives you both a chance to calm down and pick up again from a good place :-)
Ok this was very long and very random!!!! I WILL be better about this!!! In the meantime…..let us know how things go!!
December
Anna,
Thanks for another thoughtful reply! I did end up sending another message hat said, “Sorry for the crazy of the last few days. I think too many late nights have caught up to me. Taking a couple of weeks to clear my head might be good.”
He responded, “No problem. I’m here for you.”
So Saturday I had a terrible day with the ex (trying to sort out who pays for what and he lost his temper and said awful things to me).
I messaged the guy and asked if he was around for a quick hug. He said of course, so I saw him for a few minutes. He was really happy to see me. Gave me good advice (He has been divorced and knows what to expect). Gave me a hug. Invited me to come see him any time I want.
Later he sent some messages asking if I was ok and giving me encouragement. So I guess whatever I said has not bothered him that much?
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