Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › He Keeps Avoiding the Question
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Lena.
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Fashionista
After a guy that I’ve been dating long-distance called me his girlfriend, I haven’t been so sure about where we stand because we never discussed it. I asked him last Monday and he told me that he wants to be with me, but he wants to be with me now and asked me to give him a few days to think about it. He told me that in the meantime, I would be his girlfriend, and that as soon as he had an answer he would let me know. I could understand his reasoning, since he just moved to Japan and will be there for the next 3 years in the military. So, I agreed that I would give him a few days.
On Saturday, he sent me a Snap and since then we have been communicating, but he did not answer my question about his thoughts on an exclusive relationship. So, yesterday when we were Skyping I asked what his thoughts were. He told me that he had completely forgotten about my question even though he remembered telling me that he would give me a response within a few days. Shortly after, he told me that he had to go because his phone battery was at 10%. I find this hard to believe, but told him okay and that the next time that we talk I want to discuss this. He agreed.
At this point, I don’t really know what to do because I feel like he’s avoiding my question, even though I told him that although I prefer a relationship, I’d be okay with whatever he says. Should I ask him this question again if he doesn’t bring it up in our next conversation?
Fashionista
I would really appreciate if someone could give me advice on this.
redcurleysue
He has been chucking and jiving.
He does not want to be exclusive for the next three years. That is obvious.
So the question is what do you want to do with this guy?
Paige
He didn’t forget. He just doesn’t know how to tell you that he doesn’t want to be with you.
kaye
You feel like he’s avoiding your question…because he IS avoiding your question! He didn’t forget, he was hoping you would forget. From reading on here it is clear that men don’t do well in LDRs. They need physical contact to establish/maintain that emotional bond. Phone calls, texts, skyping just doesn’t do it for them. Three years is a really long time to maintain a LDR. I’m not surprised he is having doubts about it. I agree with the others that he is having a hard time telling you he doesn’t want to be exclusive for the next 3 years. I think he probably still wants to talk to you and see you but be free to date others and he’s probably afraid of what your reaction is going to be.
Fashionista
@Kaye: That makes sense; three years is a long time. But, when I first brought up the question about where we stand, I also told him that I would fully support and be okay with whatever he said. That’s why I just don’t understand why he won’t give me a straightforward answer. I want to still talk to him to because I enjoy our conversations and respect him as a person, but I don’t know how to express this when he’s avoiding the conversation altogether.
Maria
Instead of looking at the situation from the point of view of what he is doing, avoiding or not, think about yourself. Do you want to wait for 3 years without any guarantee that after those 3 years things will develop further? Will you be happy all this time alone? skying? and meeting once or twice a year?
Three years is way to long, it is better for you to move on. LDR is something to avoid at all costs, if there were 6 months or even one year, then it is possible, but three..so many things can happen in three years. Do not tie yourself down mentally or emotionally, it is better to let go.
Raven
Anything but a Yes… Is no.
Question for You… Why do you want to be in a LDR with a wishy-washy guy for Three More Years?
Lena
I think that you need to keep it open and see other guys – 3 years is so long and why tie yourself and be alone?
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