He left all that we built to be a bachelor

I dated my ex for ten years. We had such a strong bond until I suffered a deeply traumatic event. Even after the traumatic event we were still close and loving, but we were going through a rough time career-wise in our respective fields. We were both in a rut and were burning out on life in general because our career building hopes and dreams were not working out despite our efforts. I was not feeling like myself and was working through it all with the help of a therapist. He was also burning out, but he did not communicate this well with me until it was too late. He also was not seeing a therapist even though I asked him to. He told me that he was having a hard time connecting with me emotionally, but he waited to tell me that until after we broke up. I was never given a chance to work on it with him. It was absolutely fixable.

He used to be a science nerd and very sweet and attentive to me. He said that having me in his life helped to silence his inner demons. We had such a special bond. He is a first generation American, and his parents put a lot of stress on him to conform, but he never wanted to conform. So he changed his career from science to work in a brewery in our city. Once he started to work there, his personality started to change. He was around people who were “cool” and he was becoming cool for once too. I felt like they stroked his ego big time.

Was I a perfect girl friend? No. I wish I could go back and be better with compromise about a few things. However, I was truly not aware that he was as stressed with his life as he was because he did not tell me. He admitted to not telling me the extent of his unhappiness. He said it was mostly due to work stress, but I do wish that I had been able to conquer myself better at that time in order to be the best girl friend possible. I am normally very good at picking up on when people are hurting or upset, but he is a master at hiding emotions.

Anyhow, he ended things abruptly over something very stupid and out of nowhere. He said he wanted to be alone and focus on his health and his happiness and hang out with his friends. He did not want any outside help that I begged him to try. Also, I am almost positive that he was emotionally cheating on me and is friends with benefits with the girl to this day. He lied about her to me.

I am upset because I feel abandoned so that he could become a free spirit and bachelor. We had dreams together. TWO MONTHS before we broke up, on a day when I was feeling defeated after work, he told me that he would not want to accomplish his life goals with anybody else other than me. And that we would continue to work together to become successful. And that this time in our life was temporary and that things would get better. The thing is, I think that I am the only one of the two of us who has drastically improved their life since the breakup. He said he wanted to make all of these changes, but he hasn’t. And that stings to see that his reasoning for leaving me (to work on himself) really feels like it fell through. I have changed a lot for the better though.

When he did break up with me, he said that he was devastated by it and the last time I saw him was the first time in ten years that I saw him cry. I have a therapist and it is helpful, but I still sometimes get choked up thinking about how everything happened. He left me and he isn’t even staying serious about the goals that he told me he wanted to focus on by himself. So basically he just wants to screw around hanging out with his “bros” and do whatever he wants. It feels like he reverted into a frat bro or something. Any insight into this or unique perspectives are very welcome here. I just need to process my feelings and this is the only way I have available to me today. Please be kind. Thank you.