He liked his ex’s pic on social media, should I be worried

I mean we’ve only had a few dates so I feel it’s too early for me to say anything. I was just a bit surprised because he said he hasn’t communicated with her since the breakup, so what’s the point of liking her post? I get it was a Mother’s Day post but still it’s not like he was super close with her mother, he told me he saw her family 2-3 times while they were together.

Honestly the only reason I looked was because I am a bit leary of him since he doesn’t seem fairly fresh out of a somewhat serious relationship and he’s still following her on social media. I don’t follow my exes on social media. I just don’t really want to continue with him if he’s not over her.

Oh I didn’t realise you’d only been on a few dates. But I deleted my ex when I split from him. Maybe men are just different and don’t think. I would see how it goes and just enjoy it. Maybe you’d need to have a chat about whether he is ready to move on? It is early days.

At a few dates, I suggest staying off social media – it’s too easy to read into when a female friend writes Happy Birthday <3 or some girl likes all his photos etc. I only really think it’s a good idea once you’re exclusive in each others’ lives – by that point you’ve met each others friends and know who’s a threat (hopefully nobody) and who isn’t. I deliberately didn’t add my BF on FB for a while partly for that reason – I didn’t want to stalk him and overthink every time something might happen, and I’ve seen too many friends agonise over every time a girl goes anywhere near their crush’s or man’s wall. Now, I couldn’t care less what happens on his wall and never bother to check it.

You’re right, it’s risky dating someone who’s only just broken up. But he wasn’t with her for very long, either. I personally think a no-contact situaiton after breakups is best – it stops lonely pining when people check up on their ex, and it avoids the temptation of hooking up with them when dating someone new. But we don’t know that one offhand ‘like’ of a photo was anything serious for you to worry about. It’s really not enough information for us to know how ‘over’ they are. Perhaps you could have a chat with him about how he feels dating with you is going, and if he needs to go slowly or has reservations because he’s recently broken up. If you don’t want to take the risk of staying with him, you don’t have to.

It could be perfectly innocent, thuogh I really think it’s excessive to stay in contact or like mother’s day photos for an ex of only a few months. When you become exclusive, that will be the time for you to discuss things like exes with him, and boundaries.

Social Media and texting is the devil! Seriously, you don’t know him and already stalking him is not the best way to kick it off. I refuse to add a guys I’m dating to social media. Why? Because it takes all the fun out of dating! There are two words that makes dating fun: Mystery & Intrigue. The ‘not knowing’ is far better than knowing too much because it changes how you interact, communicate, and behave with people. Now that you know, he’s going to feel a different ‘vibe’ coming from you because you are no longer going to be authentic, you are now hiding something from him, and that’s not a good dynamic to be dating in.

BTW, my ex husband wasn’t even divorced yet when he pursued me, and we were married over 20 years, so its a crapshoot. Trust me, I was acutely aware and super leery about his intentions because of this but he never waivered, was absolute, continued to show and prove it to me over many months that he was over her an in love with me, and that’s why I was able to let my guard down and trust that he wasn’t jerking me around—this was around 12 years before social media came into existence, so its nothing new.

I should also add that we actually met last summer and went out a few times but nothing came of it. He reached out to me a few weeks ago and friended me on Facebook (which I found weird since he didn’t friend me back in the summer). I guess that’s mostly why I was leary of him.

It sounds ike you already had suspicions.. Well done for talking to him about it and getting clarity.

Snooping on social media might be useful if you’re convinced a guy is cheating on you, but if you’re doing OK, the only thing it does is reveal things best left to be found out organically. I deliberately don’t add guys at first because I want to find out who they are through them, not through stalking their FB!

And yeah, as I said, I’ve seen friends get really insecure due to offhand comments or likes from other girls on the guy’s social media – it’s very easy for people to take stuff out of context or read too much into it. Whilst sometimes these have been sleazeball guys, it’s also perfectly possible for comments or likes to be innocent, platonic interactions. And even if they aren’t – as long as the guy doesn’t rise to the bait, then it doesn’t really matter.