He Loves Me but He's Not Sexually Attracted to Me

I’ve been seeing my boyfriend almost two years. This is my first relationship but not his. We met and had an instant connection; we were together 8 months then long distance 9 months and now we are back together in the same city.

When we met I was 360 pounds, which is important. At that time I was going to the gym and motivated and in a life high (you know how we have those.) Over the first part of our relationship, we moved in together and dealt with a lot of outside stress — and by the end of the first half I was 390 pounds. Then we were long distance and I supported him during a lot of really hard stuff and we were good. I also embarked on a weight loss journey.

Fast forward to now. I’ve lost 80 pounds. We see each other regularly, go on some dates, hang out and enjoy time together – as well as with others. He says I’m “the One” and he loves me and I love him for sure. He’s become my best frriend in many ways. But we have not had sex in a year.

Last week we had a really intense conversation about it and he confessed that the reason is because he’s never dated a bigger girl and he’s just struggling with being sexually attracted to me. That he loves me, who I am, being with me, I make him happy and proud of me for what I’ve done with my weight loss and such but that’s just not there for him right now — even though I am much more physically there now than EVER before. He also confessed he “tried” to breakup with me while we were long distance because he didn’t want to hurt me since the problem was him. I had a hard time with this, obviously.

He suggested having an open relationship so I can go have sex but I don’t want that. He’s also said to remember “I haven’t been laid in a year, which hasn’t happen since I was a a virgin. But I don’t want anyone except you so I’m willing to wait for you as long as it takes.” He says he’s attracted to me in every other way and we are compatible, have fun, laugh, I am beautiful but it’s only this one thing he’s struggling with right now. (We do not have a number or a size or any indication of what this magic moment is when his sexual attraction lines up with everything else.)

I’ve been thinking about it a lot.

I have NO doubt that he loves me. But I do wonder a few things:

1) does he love me like his friend and not in a romantic way?
2) does he love me bc I’ve supported him through a hard time and that’s it?
3) Is he only with me because he doesn’t want to be the one to break up with me?
4) some form of all of the above?

I just feel so confused by it. Part of me thinks I should leave but the other part of me can’t imagine not having him in my life. He does want me around. I’m always sleeping over, hanging out and we do use toys so I’m not totally sexually lacking. Am I justifying staying with him like he is me? The thing he said about trying to break up with before (he insists he does not want to now) hurts too because why did it suddenly change?

So while I don’t doubt his love for me; I can see it when he looks at me. But I just don’t know if he loves Elle the way I love him. I feel like I’m on unsteady ground and I don’t know what to do or think about it.

Please help.