He maybe didn't feel a spark, but accepts a third date, HELP? should i set it?

Thanks for your answer.

I want to note the first thing he asked me on that hike is why my mother hasn’t worked for long (I had mentioned it on the first night). I chose not to go in there, not to go that heavy directly into the beginning of the hike. But in the end I didn’t say it at all.
I live in a country where culture is to be more direct (often) so maybe he expected I would reveal it. When I said kind of no, he meant it would be a long hike, so we’d have time. In the end I never said anything that deep, while later on he talked of his depression.

We also connect on the fact we like to do stuff outdoors, hence the hike.

Do you think he could have said “yes” to a third date just to be nice? I’m basically a foreigner in his country and I don’t know “many” people. And it’s even more difficult due to corona..
or there could be some more interest that still motivate him to say yes.
the second date he planned so quickly (but he wanted it for sure, and we directly agreed) while he hasn’t mentioned anything for a when for a third date.

Let’s say I don’t know if I should try to push a bit or not, I don’t want to miss a chance with a nice guy, or a connection. Some girls do push and it works, with me I have never been successful, but at the same time I don’t have a good example to refer to and motivate me that it may work. So everytime I wonder what I should do.

I can wait for thursday/friday, but what if he goes on another date with someone else? I would hope not, but again my bad experience speaks up for itself.

I’m not sure why you are bothering with this. You both said there was no spark… it feels really forced from how you have written about things.

The purpose of dating is to see if there is a connection to pursue. You didn’t feel one then he said he didn’t and then you’ve decided that you want to see him again. Why???

I wouldn’t put too much stock in the fact he was open about his past mental health- some people are just open and some just have no boundaries these days.

I would move on and go on other dates- I’m confident he is!

I will wait until thursday/friday like Lesley says and then try.
One might change opinion about someone, I may have changed mine here, and that’s what my message here wants to demonstrate. I don’t really believe in a one-time connection, especially with me, so I’d rather give others more time and chances. And I hope to get them as well.

Hi Mary
I agree with the others that you should wait and see if he connects with you. I also feel that your letting your anxiety take over the “fun” of dating and getting to know someone. The fact that your concerned about revealing personal information with someone you just met is a concern. You do not have to reveal any information that you feel isn’t the right time. For him to confess his recent depression is fine like someone else stated he felt comfortable with you to give that information. I think as women we feel like we “have to” do certain things instead of doing what we want/feel at the moment. Be yourself no need to try to be someone else just to please him. I also feel that you need to work on your self confidence and going to therapy is good. Explaining to him your reasons for not having a spark or feeling a certain way so soon in my opinion was unnecessary. Meeting someone twice does not necessarily confirm a relationship is on the horizon. You get to know them as a friend and then let things develop organically. As long as you know what you want and take his actions into account you will see where the relationship is going. I feel it was “too heavy” too soon. Enjoy the walks, the conversation, laugh and ask questions, talk about your self when you’re comfortable. No reason to make it so heavy/deep so soon. Your first dates are about getting to know him and enjoying the moment with no expectations.

You have got to sop thinking you are so burdened with ‘dark family stuff’. Really like i said before if you have good job, a good brain, nice job, decent income, nice house there is nothing dark about you. In fact you are super priveleged. If you had a mental disease or were broke or homeless it would be a different situation. So you are the one accountable for how you date. I have never even been on a few dates with the same guy where i got deep questions about my family besides what they do, are alive and how many brothers and sisters i have. My mom died as an alcoholic but i never saw that as my baggage but hers. Stop using family as an excuse.
Its really you who has to learn how to date as a breeze instead of acting like you are a family member of the Adams family. Yeah if you were part of that familly or the daughter of Ted bundy or any other serial killer i would get the reserves

Newbie I know I’m not in the worst situation ever. I’m aware of that. However compared to the people who surround me in my work, and life there’s often a gap. Often I feel they are rich kids.

I definitely prefer more simple people who are comprehensive, accepting and worked on themselves. And this guy was shining with that and it made me happy.

thanks :)

Hmm, no, actually not that much anymore… because I’ve been meeting people who lied about “having no problem and a regular life”. I definitely prefer authentic people, and also via talking with the psy we decided there’s one topic we want to address “shame”
Since i’m a kid, the problem is more the shame (how are other people going to see this?). So I think for me meeting someone I feel very comfortable to understand maybe some feelings I’ve been through, is more important than meeting someone with a clear empty psychological history (but of course I also see a difference between a depression who was temporary for him and the illness of my mother, who she will always live with)…

Yeah i understand shame. Its very connected to feeling youre a conartist and are about to be exposed. I have had issues with that on other areas. Well, let us know any follow ups if you want. Good luck

Yes, another thing I’d like to ask, I’m very bad to pick up on signs. Like he is planning a huge holiday hiking trip this summer, as far as I know alone?, and he told me this got approved by his work.
And then shortly after that, he asked if I have plans this summer. I just replied no, because I don’t think he is trying to say I could go with him, right? Despite location and activity is really what I like too, and I would say he knows.

So basically I never know if he is trying to include me in things or not. But it was the same with other people. What can I say that makes me sound interested but doesn’t make me sound like I want to include myself and push it?

Since we may meet again this weekend also…

Like angiebaby says you have to stop overthinking. You had two dates, which is a universal blip and 1000 possible hick ups this will end at some point for example because he wasnt sure about any sparks. It would be kind of insane if he was asking you for the summer holiday

thats so sweet ss and i so agree, even when you felt the need to say it twice.
Lol something is off with your acount