Home › Forums › Break Up Advice › He played a double game : a professional manipulator
- This topic has 4 replies and was last updated 2 years, 8 months ago by
Riley.
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Hi everyone
I dated a guy for 3 months – it was the most intense and beautiful 3 months I have ever had in my life. I was always in his place and he even asked me to move out in his country (Greece)! He talked about me to his parents, we laughed so much and after 5 years of celibacy I was happy to finally meet someone I felt happy with and get on.
The guy was super nice with me, texted everyday, was always available for me, cooked for me, was super understanding with my work (because I work a lot 13 hours a day), didn’t seem to hide anything because his phone was always on the table. Sex was great. But only one thing made me feel suspicious : he seemed to be addicted to sex and was looking at girls in the street. Each time I was talking about faithfulness he seemed to be too open minded about that. To him “it happens to be unfaithful and it’s better to lie than telling the truth”. This is was made me feel suspicious.He told me he didn’t have a lot of friend and the only person who was calling in front of me was his mother !
We celebrated Christmas together and i had a strong intuition that something was wrong (since 2 months and already told him about that but he convinced me). While he was sleeping, I checked his phone. What I discovered was really violent… He was sextoting multiple women (an ex, women he doesn’t know from other countries). He was sending videos of him masturbating, videos of his dick… he was also “harassing girls” and asking them to send videos of them dancing. He even said to one that he will celebrate Christmas with his friends and asked her to come in his place. I spent the night translating the text from Greek to french (because he was talking in Greek to them). I discovered that his ex told him he is a sadistic person and because of him 3 girls suffered including her.
We were in holiday and I asked him to leave and I stayed. I am still chocked. He was always showing me that he has values, doesn’t respect his friends who cheat on their wives. His phone never rang while I was there.
I was happy to discover it because seriously it wasn’t easy to discover…I am still in pain and in shock. Was this guy a narcissistic pervert or manipulative ? How can I recover ?
ginny
i was in a similar position. And mine was 3 year long relationship. I know how you feel. But your versions are contradictory. On the one hand you say, he said he would rather liethan tell the truth…then you say he had values. These two things don’t align. Anyway, whatever it is, just drop this loser is all i can say. reading your texts makes me see my situation too from a third eye view…but i see mine with a little different lens still. maybe with time i won’t…time is the best healer and teacher. i have learnt not to attach any importance to men till you end up marrying one. none of them are serious untill then. chances are ofcourse there that they mihgt not be serious after that as well….but you just won’t feel aas foolish for trusting a man that marrided that you versus the oone that didn’t…
Zoya Bukatava
Thank God for letting you discover all this early on. The day you did is the best day in your life. You are worth so much more than this. Start dating other men
Tread
Thank you but I’m really depressed. Since then, I can’t go out of my bed, answer people and I can’t go back to work next week.
It made 5 years that I was single and I told him that it was because of my ex (same thing happened but less terrible, a girl sent her pictures). And I told home that it was a chock for me and I didn’t want to date after that.he reassured me and said that he loves me.
But he did worse. He wanted me to move out to Greece, he even told me that “he will be a monk when he’ll go back to Greece”. I’m shocked that he manipulated me like that it is really scary..
Riley
Having been manipulated in the past, these people are extremely good at giving nice, well-intended people false hopes and very intense feelings of love. It’s love bombing, and normal people just aren’t super capable of this. I’m sorry that this happened to you, but be so thankful that you discovered all of this now and had the chance to walk away from this guy. Know that the beauty of what you felt between you was and still IS within YOU; from his end it was likely fake, but don’t let that rob you of your capability to love and feel that intensity of love with someone new who is deserving of it <3 You will heal with time, block him on everything and don’t go back.
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