Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › he rescheduled the date last minute
- This topic has 20 replies and was last updated 9 years, 7 months ago by
Marie.
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Barb
I’ve been texting this guy for a week. We’ve been meaning to meet up but i came down with the stomach flu so we waited a few days. He had texted me yesterday morning asking how i was and if i had any plans that day. I told him that i had to work. So he suggested that after i get off we can hang out by a pool and uhave some drinks. I agreed and told him i get off at 6. I texted him at 6:30 sayings i was off. He didnt reply until an hour later saying he was on his way back from somewhere with his friends, and said that if it wasnt too late he would still like to see me. By then it was 8 so i told him don’t worry about it we can hangout another time.
Would i guy who was interested do this? Is this ok to excuse? Shoud i agree to another date if he offers?
Btw: so far he hasnt texted me today and he never replied to my last text last night.
Alexis
Hm this is really tricky. For me at least, I need a date, time, place confirmation. To me that is a date. I could be reading this wrong but it looks like there was no follow through from both parties about your meet up. It looks like there was just a miscommunication.
In your text last night what did you say?
If he isn’t confirming things with you and making halfass dates he seems kinda of fair-weathered. In my book…he is allowed one more chance. If he effs up again it’s bye bye!
Khadija
Hello Barb,
You only have been talking to this guy for one week. Do not sweat him and what he does at all.
A guy who properly wants to date you will be considerate of your time.
If he does ask to see you again, that hanging out by the pool and drinks will not fly. That is not a date and it’s too intimate of a setting for a first meeting.
Unless you are down with that.
Keep in mind most guys are just not worth the hassle, give it a few days and if you still hear nothing from him NEXT!Barb
Alexis: ok thats true there was no time or pplace. My last text: “don’t worry about it we can hangout another time :D”
Khadija: ok so where sshould i meet him?
Khadija
1. Meet for coffee
2. Dinner
3. Drinks at a trendy bar (no more than two drinks or one that is too loud)
4. Bowling
5. Miniature golfingNO,NO’s- His place, your place,a friend’s place,the movies….
I agree with Alexis, you need a time, a place, and a day.
Suel Bee
Khadija- Just curious, why a no-no for the movies?
Khadija
When you are in a movie you don’t get to talk to the person.
On a date I want to be active and have conversation. My objective is to get to know the man and vice versa to see if we are compatible for each other.Suel Bee
Makes sense now that you say it like that. Thanks Khadija.
Vanessa
Yeah, the pool was just a “hang out” and very ambiguous. Make plans in advance in a phone call so there is no miscommunication…not “after I get off” or the same day. He was just looking to fill up his time and then he found something else better to do when his friends called. To be sure you’re not just a backup plan, have him ask you out days out like on the coming weekend.
Vanessa
And kudos for not agreeing to meet with him when he texted later that night!
Jeannie
Hanging out by the pool with drinks is not an all out flowers and candlelight dinner date. It is just a casual meetup. And you only said that you got off work at six. There was no actual meet up time set so he had no reason to know that you expected him to be there at any given time. From what you said it was only presented as a “When I get off work” type of thing. That could mean anytime that evening.
I would give him the benefit of the doubt and to understand that if he was with friends, he may not have been the one in charge of what time they got back and again, not knowing that he should have been back any sooner. He did text you back once he was on his way home and he still wanted to get together. And the response to your last text to him would likely have been a simple “ok” and a lot of men don’t bother to do that. I wouldn’t worry about that. lol
I think this is just a case of bad communication and not setting up a firm time for it to happen. Easily prevented in the future. Don’t automatically attach a lot of meaning to it. If you like him, go out with him. Just be more specific. :)
Amy S
Hi personally I think what he did was quite rude. I wouldn’t be texting him again or making an effort until a concrete plan is made and if he messes up again hes clearly a timewaster. Maybe im just harsh in my old age but guys are just so blasé these days imo x
Ophelia
Don’t get me wrong, I’d be annoyed too. But I feel like “yea let’s meet after work by the pool” was just sort of a maybe-hang out and not real solid date plans. It was a “yea, after work let’s meet up”, which honestly my friends and I will say all the time and it just never pans out. Because it’s not solid “this time, this place, this date.”
I say give him one more chance. Make solid plans though; dinner or drinks in a bar, bowling, mini golf. Something where you can actually talk and enjoy each other’s time.
If he pulls this again though I’d say bye-bye.
Ivy
I second Jeannine’s advice, I think that is spot on but I will add a possible perception if you look at it from a man’s perspective.
This guy could also question you because you put off seeing him cause you had the flu – reasonable but what if he was thinking you are putting him off, then he was all up for an 8pm plan with you which is still early and you also rescheduled that which seems a bit odd as well, cause you had a plan and didn’t say what time, you get off work 6.30 he wants to meet at 8 and you say no, another time. So who is blowing who off here?
I say if you would want him to give you the benefit of the doubt then give him the benefit of the doubt. If not, you won’t even get to the first meeting stage.
Sanni
I think Jeannies advice was spot on and I couldn’t have said it better. :)
Next time just be clear and firm with plans. Date, time and place. Men are simple like that and need a clear answer. Vagueness will only leave room for confusion, miscommunication and disappointment.
:)
Jeannie
And I agree with Ivy. lol I was going to say something about that too but I *cough* tend to be a bit lengthy with my replies so I left it out. ;)
But yes, he may feel that you’re not that into seeing him because of how things went and how things were said.
Men have worries about rejection just the same as we do so that is definitely a great point! But it’s also easy to prevent in the future. Texting is a pretty lousy means of communication so it’s a good idea to call when you’re trying to get details nailed down so there’s no confusion. It can be confirmed with a text just so that you have something to look at to double check the time/date. :)
Barb
Thanks everyone! Yeah i need to be firm when planning a date!
How do i get him to call and not text? Should i just ask him?
And he still hasnt text me at all today is it okay if i text him?
coolgirl2898
First I think you should wait for him to text or call you first. If he doesn’t text you that means to me that he doesn’t care. If he texts and asks to go on a date or something like that, tell him to you or just call him.
Mindy
I’m sorry — but “hanging out by the pool for drinks” is not a date.
I’d be vert weary of a guy if our first “date” was drinking at/anywhere near (pool at an apartment) his place.
Sounds more like a casual hookup, to me.
Rose
He sounds flaky. Let him plan the date, confirm the time and place, if he’s interested enough he will be happy to do so. If he doesn’t step up he was not that interested.
Marie
He’s into you enough to keep you as an option, but you’re not a priority. However, if you hang out, he may change his mind. Hang out with him once and see how you feel. If he steps up his game afterwards, good. If he does this again, ditch him.
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