Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › He restricted me on Facebook, am I overreacting?
- This topic has 18 replies and was last updated 8 years ago by Erin.
-
AuthorPosts
-
Erin
Hey guys, I’ve posted here before. Today something happened that I would appreciate some advice on.
I’m currently doing a play at a local theatre. One week of rehearsal the director flew in a special coach to help with the play. He was cute, nerdy, and attractive, and during a break the first night we were all talking about our relationship statuses. During this conversation I mentioned I was single.
Second night, after rehearsal is over, said coach asked me out for a drink. I was tired from a long day, so I said I’d go out the next day after rehearsal. We went out and hit it off right away- common interests, both interested in each other. And we went out the following two nights and it was great. I knew he had to fly back home and that made me sad, but he had my number and so far we have been texting every day since. He’s also tried to call me twice, and has left lengthy voicemails when I didn’t answer (was in rehearsal but since we are in different time zones it’s okay). He even asked me earlier in the week what size I wear, which makes/made me think he was going to get me a Christmas present. And I have been hopelessly crazy about him.
Cut to today. We are facebook friends and it said on my main page he had three new posts. I clicked on his profile picture to see them…and saw nothing. And I realized the only posts I could see were public posts, the ones with the little globes by them. Immediately red flag popped up in my mind. It didn’t fit with his behavior- all the calls, the texting, the (more than likely) present inquiry…but there I was, restricted.
I got upset and decided I had been an idiot over him. And I texted him apologizing for such. He didn’t know where this came from (we had been joking via text about how cold it is where both of us are) and I calmly explained what I had seen. In my experience, when a guy says he likes a girl but restricts her on his facebook, he has something to hide.
It’s only facebook. And maybe I am letting past events cloud me (my ex restricted me on facebook the week he flew up to see his now-current girlfriend, back when we were dating), but at the same time…it doesn’t fit. And at the same time, I’m scared I’m overreacting.
Haven’t been able to see if he’s replied to my text yet. But ladies (and gents?), advice please? I did not resort to name calling or insults, I just said what I saw and how it hurt and made me feel stupid.
AmandaYou shouldn’t have texted him. Then you shouldn’t have told him why. Sorry to say but you killed the chase if there was any. Try to take this as a learning experience. You did overreact because it was his business what he does with facebook. I mean you have only been on a few dates with this guy. That said, he almost is certainly dating other girls which is why he restricted you. If you want something casual and this guy is willing to give it another go then have fun. But you live in different time zones. This is not serious thing and he clearly is not treating it as one.
In the future know that a lot of calls and texts does not mean a guy is serious. Only taking the time to get to know you on a regular basis and then asking you to be his girlfriend means a guy is serious.
JenIt sounds like a short fling.
You only knew him for a few days and know nothing about his real life. limiting your view on Facebook suggests he is married, has a gf, or just likes to keep his casual dates at arms length.
redcurleysueYou are angry because you ran down the road with your emotions ahead of him. After a couple of dates and some texting you figured you were on your way to a relationship…but that was on your end. He did not ask you to be his exclusive GF….you assumed.
I am also sorry that your ex treated you badly but you cannot use that experience to color your world. That was that man…this is a totally different man.
Look, you got excited and ran ahead….that was the problem. It will be a problem in the future too if you do not grab the reins now. It takes months and months to get to know someone, who they are…what they are about….do not assume anything at all. Slowly get to know a person and grow to like them over time….there is no fire…if a person is good for you today they will be good for you months from now.
Slow down…take breaths….and do not get upset with a man if he is not where YOU think he should be. Let each day reveal to you where he is…and let him lead.
AshleyDon’t waste any more time worrying about it since he’s shady. He probably has a girlfriend
NatIt is a very bad that he restricted you on FB for sure. But before jumping the gun you should have called him and asked about it.
However, if he did restrict you, it wouldn’t have mattered. So don’t kill yourself over your reaction. Do not be too trusting with men if you don’t know them well, you immersed yourself into this guy too soon. Guard your emotions. Be less available, he took you for granted. Many men would interpret your kindness and politeness as a sign of desperation and “low” value. Those are not very smart douches because when they find a woman who is NOT kind to them and who uses them, they cry about how she treats them poorly and unfairly. But when a woman is nice to them they take her for granted and act rudely and cruelly. You dodged a bullet with this guy. This is how you know he is a douche, so be glad it happened so soon.
KellyI don’t see this man is a bad guy. He spent his free time, while in town and had you for a dinner mate and company.
He didn’t promise anything, based on what you write.RavenBeing restricted on FB does NOT warrant a phone call…
KhadijaHe probably has a girlfriend or something.
Don’t put anymore energy or time into a guy you barely know.
Next time be more selective and cautious about whom you let your emotions out to.
You got emotionally involved way too soon.
Best wishes to you.AlgoI think calling him out out of the blue was probably a bit forward and OTT considering you’re not really dating, you just went on some dates. But that’s okay, next time you might want to just vent to a GF, calm down and move on without calling the guy out. If you don’t really have a relationship going on, you can’t really have conversations like that without sounding like an emotional overreacter. Better to move on in silence, he can always try to get back in your life if he so wishes. Though the distance thing is not a good sign. It’s hard when there is a real relationship already established, just dating at a distance seems almost futile.
That said, I’m not even on my BF’s facebook because we work at the same office (different departments) and he refuses to socialise with coworker outside work so he doesn’t want anyone at work to be on his FB. So fb isn’t always a telltale sign about what’s going on.
FlowerGod! People get so worked up over fb and similar..!it blows me..so what, who cares what he does with his fb, email, téléphone..that should be considered a privacy, and you are not even in a relationship! Your reaction to it is a red flag to him, if he cares to notice it, it reminds him he did well to restrict you, if such was his intention..people frequently put new fb friends in groups..i do that all the time without a thought, just to have it organized. I mean if you get offended by such things..you took the fun out of the encounter. Anyway, as a future advice, if you wanna know if he s got a gf/wife, ask him that before going for a drink together, like this you ll know. And, don’t look at fb;)
NewbieHi erin girl, i missed you and always wondered if you were able to break up with the guy who wanted a kidsitter and couldnt chose. So youre back into dating. Yeah you jumped the gun but it happened. Are you sure you are restricted? For some reason i cant always see all posts on the iPad but i can see them on the phone. Fb is a mystery to me. If you are restricted then i would call that a red flag.
JamieAre you sure you are restricted? He might just have all his posts public. Some people don’t restrict at all and have the whole page open. Just because you see the globe doesn’t mean anything other than that particular post was public. They may all be public.
I wouldn’t go by that Facebook “3 new posts” thing either. I personally don’t know what counts as a new post…in the last week? Month? Day? I don’t think it’s accurate.
I would say you overreacted, but at the end of the day, if you had that great of a connection and he liked you as much as you like him, then it won’t matter. If this was just a fling to him or just a diversion then it always was anyway so you have lost nothing.
ErinHey guys, thanks for all the replies. I’m pretty sure I did overreact and I apologized(and boy do I feel like an idiot). We did talk about it last night and I think we are good now. I think I just got in over my head because of the way he treated me that week and how his actions and words matched up and the contexts of the voicemails and the fact he got me a Christmas present. And that we had quite a bit in common. I don’t see him as a bad guy either; I knew that week what I was getting into as far as limited time but that still didn’t slow down my emotions. Lucky me.
Common sense finally came around and he said that we’d date if we were closer, but obviously that’s not possible right now. And even if it were, I’m so busy with my two jobs and the play I’m doing that I would not even have time for a face-to-face boyfriend. I’m okay with all of that and just being friends. At this point I’m keeping with what I was doing to begin with, letting him text first (which is one of my standard rules unless it is a relationship).
Just need to learn to slow down and calm down. I realize I tend to get way too emotionally involved- anyone got any advice on how to fix that so I don’t repeat my past mistakes?
LYou don’t have time for a “face to face boyfriend?” what else is there?
ErinL: Long distance relationship? I’ve tried those before and they never worked out.
jenLDR? Waste of time. That’s not a real relationship. That’s a pen pal.
aliaSome of your excitement has to do with your fantasy and active imagination. Those are not bad things, but they can get you in trouble in dating. It helps to be skeptical in dating and rather be pleasantly surprised than work up your expectations that will be impossible to meet.
Erinjen: Exactly. They never work out.
alia: so so true. Good advice, thanks.
-
AuthorPosts