he said he needed space

I have to agree with Thomas, and I’ve already said you need to take your power back and stop being at his mercy. At this point you are allowing him to determine your mood; that is not what any confident, self respecting woman would ever allow a man to do.

If he doesn’t want you in his life then that’s HIS loss, not yours. Stop with the pity party, you are better than this. I don’t feel like all the responses are helping here because it’s just encourage you to keep feeling sorry for yourself instead of taking progressive actions to move forward and distance yourself from a man who doesn’t want you. You don’t need coddling right now, you need to wipe away your tears, pick yourself up, and get on with your life. I know it’s not what you want to hear but you have posted on here every single day for the last week sounding so desperate and sad and helpless when it doesn’t have to be like this.

I’m not minimizing your feelings, because trust me we’ve all been there at some point in life. But I also think this is the time for you to learn how to gracefully move on from men that aren’t worth your time. You are 30 years old, you don’t need a pat on the back for going a week without contact. You really should be thinking why would YOU want to have anyone in your life that pushes you away like this and doesn’t feel happy being around you anymore? Don’t you think you deserve better?

This will likely not be the last breakup you will face in your life and you have a choice to either continue throwing yourself a pity party and learn absolutely nothing from this experience, or you can change your attitude and realize that HE doesn’t deserve YOU and take the steps to move on to bigger and better things.

He is just one man and he won’t be the last. He is not worth your tears, and like Thomas said, I doubt he’s sitting at home crying or worrying about you right now.

@ Gemini,

“You are 30 years old, you don’t need a pat on the back for going a week without contact.”

Agree, but I was trying to get her to see the positives so she can change her mentality about this whole thing, which will make it easier to move forward. That said, I’m on board with her turning this around and thinking of it as HIS loss and that HE doesn’t deserve her. Admittedly very hard to do because for Beth, it’s feeling like the end of the world. Which brings me to my next point:

@ Beth,

“Do I say to myself if I don’t hear by X–then I’ll say happy holidays?”

Definitely not. I was telling you to see if he reaches out to YOU around the time. Regardless of your status, it’s only polite to wish someone a Happy HannuChristmaKwanzakah or whatever everyone celebrates. If he doesn’t, what does that tell you about his character? If he does, I would go so far as to not respond, or respond with a simple “Thanks, you too.” Do NOT reach our first, and do not respond to anything he says with a question about the relationship.

I totally understand, we’ve all been there too. It’s not our first rodeo lol. It takes time and tons of internalizing. If I were you, ask yourself why you need to text him and initiate when you aren’t around him? Why do you need to constantly text him or reach out to him?

How does he treat you when you are together? He seemed to put up with your neediness so he did like you. It takes a lot to make a man frustrated and you may have had your limit, but it’s not the end of the world. A week is nothing. He’s out and about living his life, he feels free and not on a ball and chain. THat’s how a man feels when a woman is needy. Just have compassion that men need to think, they don’t process things the way we do they focus on one thing at a time and he needs a woman to understand that. THe more you do, the more he’ll want you around and share his life with you on his own and not feel forced, does that make sense? Communicate with him what you want to avoid necessary space/giving when the time is right. By all means please learn that you do no not need constant reassurance from any man.

when we are together he is there and present–attentive, loving, and communicative…
sweet–etc…..

I am trying to think he could have said he wanted to end everything
he was mad and could have easily said that
he did say the “give me f#$%#%# space”
IDK

I am trying because I do love him
usually in the past I would have txted or called a bunch of times by now

Beth, I am rooting for you!, I have been coming to this threat hoping you will have some news from your guy with a big gesture professing how much he loves you and how sorry he is… but you know what that happens only in the movies …I am going through some heartache myself with a guy that wont commit and have receive very good anw counseling… THUS is why I think, this will take time and the pain may change into anger aren’t you upset he cursed? That alone should let you know he is not worth of any second of your time. I am a hopeless romantic, so my advice is think you will find YOUR match and this person can not be him, the guy you are suppose to be with will not make things complicated for you and definitely will not disrespect you … so enjoy a day at a time and go out, , date online ( I am trying hindge and hppn IMO much better than tinder or match), meet friends, go for a frozen yogurt or an spa treatment whatever keep your mind away from your current status
And let him go, let that relationship die . Take time to process and when ready break up with him YOU can do it. IF it will start again let it have a clean start.

I did that already Thomas. Its superannoying that all posters post 3-10 times the length of good advice and all Beth does is keep going back to ‘i’m really trying’. Very slow learning curve. And for a whole week now. yeah good luck to you Beth, i’m not entertained by this thread anymore.

Beth,
What we hear… “will he call me? I thought he would miss me? it’s been a whole week… I’m trying because I haven’t texted or called… instead I’ve sat here for a whole week wallowing in self pity over a mess that I made and have not taken ownership of and have done no work on myself”.

What it seems like you hear “….”

Snap out of it.. put your big girl pants on and get on with your life. No one’s going to do it for you. I’m with Thomas… I can’t see how you would be attractive to anyone right now. sheesh

I have to say, I really think Gemini nailed it. You should read what she wrote several times-until it starts to make sense. You are not doing anything to take your focus off of him. In fact, every thought you write screams you are obsessing.

Case in point: “I am trying because I do love him” which you’ve said over and over.

This is the whole problem. You are not doing anything out of love for yourself, or out of self respect. It’s like you handed your entire existence over to him.

If you would really try to refocus your thoughts away from him, and onto something positive, it could change your entire outlook. This kind of stubbornness is very self-defeating. If you were this committed to your own happiness, you could conquer the world .

No one is saying they can’t understand your pain, but you are the biggest cause of it. You are the only one replaying and perpetuating this constantly, and refusing to do anything to move forward. And guys really do have a sixth sense about this kind of neediness, even when we are not in their vicinity. It is absolutely repellant. Just like we can sense a creep across a room.

All you are focusing on is him. That is the exact opposite of what you need to do, to be in a different mental and emotional place. Are you even trying to think about anything other than him? Because honestly this just isn’t healthy. This seem more like the behavior of a young teen. And while that would not be healthy either, it would make a little more sense.

It’s like watching someone continually bang their head against a wall to the brink of consciousness, then cry because it hurts. He may have hurt you initially, but you, and only you are the architect of this ongoing misery.

Well said Phillygirl.

Beth did say she had an appointment with a therapist though. She is just hurting deeply now and in time it will get better. It sounds like she doesn’t have a great support system and is reaching out here for some support and/or sympathy. ((((HUGS)))) to you Beth, sorry you are going through this.

Beth, call me harsh but you’re a weak link. Survival of the fittest and you’d be in the first group to be eliminated. That’s okay if that’s how you want to live your life but bottom line, YOU are your greatest adversary right now. Love is the best feeling to experience, love is life but when it becomes toxic *as in your case* it drains you of the good that life has for everyone to feed from. Yes, pat yourself on the back for NC for a week, but CONTINUE with that self-assurance, take what’s left of your dignity and say, “man this sucks, it’s gonna be a real B*TCH to recover from this one. I’ll prob cry and hate life for a second or 2 BUT you got it twisted if you think it’s gonna break me”. Understand that when you continue to fuel a love that compromises your self-worth, you’re imbalanced. We all get that it’s difficult and honestly, it’s 100% OKAY to feel like sh*t! You were REALLY into him and it hurts like hell that the feeling wasn’t reciprocated. You feel rejected and worthless and just outright blue… To feel like that isn’t the problem. The problem lies in sitting stagnant in that emotion. To gain emotional control you must strengthen your mental control and to cry endlessly like a little b*tch will keep you in that head space. It ultimately doesn’t even come down to anything more than the “relationship” with YOURSELF… Strive to be a STRONG, healthy, balanced INDIVIDUAL. That way the good, bad, ugly, wonderful, painful, lovely things that cross your path, simply cross your path and you adjust accordingly *and I’m not saying it’s always at ease, but you can handle it with your integrity and dignity in tact