Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › he said he needed space
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ItAhiA.
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beth
Thanks everyone—-(not Thomas)
beth
my little one knows I am sad…
MnMs
Just go back under your bridge Thomas, we are tired of your trolling.
Cali89
I’m glad to hear you have plans this weekend Beth! I hope you enjoy this weekend and FYI, this thread offered great advice, one of the best threads I’ve seen on here.
beth
looking for sat..Im trying….
Mae
Are you close with your family? Parents? Aunts? Uncles? Cousins?
Kate
Hannah…thank you and I’m not upset, though I worry how Beth will feel about it.
I’m personally grateful that we have the ability and freedom to speak our minds (to a liberal point), without fear of retribution or censorship. And honestly, whether we agree with someone or not, the world would be a boring place without a myriad of opinions and ideology.
I know who I am and I stand behind my convictions and if someone takes exception with that? So be it. My grandmother once said, “Never explain. Your supporters won’t need it and your enemies won’t believe you anyway.” True that.
beth
my family is small–my sister and I do not get along–I have tried…..
my parents and I are in different states
2 of my aunts are in nursing homes and there is not much other family
my mom is getting ready to go on vacation and I am not going to talk to my father about this…..beth
I don’t want anyone to get in trouble….
Hannah
Beth don’t worry, no one’s done anything wrong so no one will get in trouble.
I didn’t realise before kate said that you were a mum. That must make things harder. I’m sure they can pick up that you’re sad but what can you do? You are sad. Try and be as positive as you can butI’m with Maria on this. It’s only been a week. Of course you’ll be in a mess.
You’re doing all the right things and that’s all you can do. I know this is totally out of your comfort zone but remember you’re stronger than you think. I bet you couldn’t imagine managing to cope this long without reaching out to him at the start could you? Well you have!
beth
I am trying to keep in mind that this will only help things– by giving him this space
but right now I feel like I am going to crack and crumble..
I want to call him so badlyMae
Do you know his number by heart? If not, deleting it will help with this temptation.
beth
yes I know his number
Hannah
Beth have you heard about that 30 days no contact thing? Maybe it would be worth you trying it?
I had a horrible sudden break up where I knew nothing I could say at the time would help. I felt like I was going out my mind I was so upset. Everything I read said leave it 30 days, then if you still want to get in touch. So that’s what i did. It was hard but having an end date really helped me. I stopped thinking “I’m never going to hear from him again, I can never contact him”, just “I need to get through 30 days”. It was hard but got easier after about 2 weeks.
Rach
This is going to sound silly maybe but has anybody ever read the book ‘the secret’ by Rhonda Byrne.. All about positive thinking etc. It’s an interesting read and can help you think positive in all areas!
Beth I’m only on day 3 of no contact and it’s so hard but you’ve done a week! That’s good going so be proud of yourself. I know it’s hard and it hurts like hell but it will help in the long run no matter which way it goes!
Lane
Sorry but this thread is going off the rails.
As my debate coach said “attack the message, not the messenger”. If you have an issue with what someone said, fine, counter it with your OWN but hurling insults at each other is not the way to go about it.
Thomas has every right to post here and since he’s a MALE he can provide a different perspective than a woman, whereas he’s baffled by this behavior which is what separates us from them and why women struggle so much with dating/relationships.
I do believe using “ANM” in the email is a potential trademark violation without authorization from its owners. They do have rules posted against using “email addresses” as I believe it has to do with security issues which is Eric’s domain.
I have no issue with someone reaching out beyond ANM and helping someone out, like a friend would, but I do believe you need to be careful as you don’t know who these people are or if they have medical issues (such as manic behaviors) that could come back and bite you.
I don’t believe a simple “he suffers from depression” is any different than he’s “an alcoholic”,or “bi-polar” “ADD”, etc. because without this BASIC information its hard to help someone out. My ex became an alcoholic, I a co-dependent, and also a divorce from a long-term marriage and through these experiences I’ve been able to help out a lot of women. I do believe they need to remain ANONYMOUS though–no names, locations, or identifiers. Men can access computers and look up their history and put 2 and 2 together so I do believe the OP’s (original posters) do need to be careful when posting anything on a PUBLIC BOARD.
Maria
Sure, Lane, Thomas has the right to post here, and we have the right to tell him what we think about his posts. His comments were misogynistic in nature, and he was disrespectful in attitude towards Beth and other women here (“hormonal”, “crazy”, etc). Did you not see that? If yes, then why is it ok by you?
Maria
Beth,
Week TWO will be harder, not easier. Get ready and stay strong.
Mae
Lane,
Good to see you chime in on here :)! Yes, I agree that Thomas has a right to be here. In fact, I even cited some of the points he raised as valid. Examples: That we didn’t know the back-story at first, that he should proceed with caution if he enters into a situation like this, that he does bring up good points about HIPPA. And I do appreciate when a male chimes in from time to time.
My issue with some of his wording, however, was that he was using this thread as an opportunity to make rash generalizations about women as a whole (read up if you have the time). He even lumped me in with, “women!” and rudely stated that I seemed to “know it all” within those generalizations. That’s exactly the type of behavior and attitude we try to to eradicate here in women- and maybe we need to call it out more since this is a predominantly female site! That negative, preconceived, generalized attitude that all men are “jerks” is equal to Thomas’s attitude that all of us are “dramatic” and “hormonal.” I feel like those mindsets are destructive and unproductive for both men and women. Make sense?
Lane
Maria, you call guy’s all kinds of names/adverbs like “jerk”, “idiot”, “dumbass” so how is that any different?!?! It isn’t and like they say when you point a finger here are THREE pointing back at you. Its hypocritical to call him out and not yourself.
Lane
Mae, I not defending him but he has the right to speak just like the ladies do on here. Women do the same thing on here, making broad generalizations against men that they’ve never met or known. This is what he’s obviously WITNESSING in his life, he’s baffled by it, and trying to figure it out no differently than how women are trying to figure out why guys do what they do.
I agree its not ALL WOMEN, but reading these threads could easily make a man believe we are lol
P_Asohka
Don’t you have any friends you can hang out with? I doubt he is ALL you have? IF so, I’d encourage you to find some friends. Not sure about your mom but my mom would hear anything from me regardless of her going out of town, she would talk to me for hours on the phone if she wasn’t able to in person. Just saying I’m pretty sure if you have a great relationship with your family they will never turn you away, or at least they shouldn’t.
Mae
I think we should all stop with the broad generalizations- no matter our gender!! That’s what gets us into trouble! Maybe it should be written in the rules, as it’s proven to be unproductive. :)
Gemini615
What is the point of this thread anymore? Beth is getting outside help from her self appointed counselor Kate, and she’s too “scared” to post details on here.
The rest of you are getting your panties in a bunch over gender generalizations and going at each other over absolute nonsense. Enough alreadyz. Jesus
Beth
Mae
I’m on day 8
Not having a
I’m having a rough time -
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