he said he needed space

I know it sounds easy–but it is hard……when all I want to do is reach out to him–its a battle of my head and heart

I suggest you read articles on the fade away break up.

I want to and plan to back off…..
I just wish I knew what he was thinking

“but I just want to fix things”
Great, like the ladies said, “Leave Him Alone”. That’s how you’re going to fix things.

“should I ask to exchange our things?”
No!!! You’re making up things in your head that are going to go against what he’s asked you not to do; Call/Text. How are you going to exchange things? You’d have to call or text maybe? Didn’t he say DO NOT CALL OR TEST ME?

Drop it.

I have a feeling Beth you are not going to listen, you are going to do as you are pleased, because it is “hard” not to.

You keep on saying things “but I WANT to know what he is feeling, but I miss him, but I don’t want him to disappear”…..of course you do.

BUT you can’t FORCE things onto people. It is not all about you.

Have respect for others and learn self control. He asked you to leave him alone how are you going to “fix” things by doing the opposite? When someone leaves us it is always hard, very hard, but people go through worse things in life.

If you continue pestering him, you will make it EASY for him to break up with you and get over you, the breakup will be easy, he will not miss you, he will be annoyed and angry at you for not respecting his requests, and it will make it easier for him to move on and start dating someone new, someone who has more self control.

I just want so much to see/talk to him
I just miss him

Beth,

I don’t have a lot of details about your relationship up to this point, but have some advice that can not only be applied with this man, but any man you date. Something that needs to become a mindset.

There is a reason that people don’t enjoy being in prison (actually many reasons, but I’m focusing on one) or trapped in a crowded elevator and there is a reason why animals don’t enjoy being locked in a small cage or why a butterfly will literally beat it’s wings against the sides of a jar until it dies. All of these situation involve a loss of freedom and freedom is paramount to our happiness, especially for men. The only way to have a healthy relationship is to NOT have a strangle hold on each other. You must each grant the other freedom…to both be in the relationship as they are, to take space when they need it and even to walk away if the relationship no longer adds value to their life. And YOU have the same freedom if you’re consistently unhappy. Knowing this, allowing this, and knowing that despite any pain you WILL be ok if one of you chooses to end it allows the other person to breathe and feel free and often makes them want to stay. This isn’t about allowing them to cheat, lie or abuse (because that compromises YOUR freedom), but about allowing them to show up in the relationship as who they truly are and feel safe, not strangled, and knowing that sometimes who they are is going to conflict with what you want…and being ok with that.

He is feeling claustrophobic, strangled and stressed. Think about how that must feel for him outside of how it feels for YOU. Have compassion for it and love him enough to give him what he needs, even if it isn’t exactly what you want. Also, know that if it gets too hard, it is within your control to walk away too.

If you squeeze a lily tightly in your hands in an effort to possess it, it withers and falls off the stem. I know that you’re hurting and I know that it’s both a mental and physical pain caused by the fear of losing him. It feels unmanageable and like it’s going to tear you apart. So letting go feels counter-intuitive. You feel like you should grab on more tightly…BUT, the only thing that can save this is releasing your grip on him and the relationship and allowing the air back in. Meditate, talk to friends, go get your hair done. Invest in yourself and instead of ruminating over wanting to call/text him and “fix” this, tell yourself that you are giving the man you love the gift of freedom and breathing room and let yourself feel good about that.

Good luck…

Without knowing more, I kind of agree with Hannah. It sounded as if he was pissed when he told you, again, that he needed space. If he wanted to just end it that would have been the perfect time. He is probably trying to figure out exactly how he wants to proceed, or maybe he just wants time to focus on his issues. Either way, how you behave during this time could very well determine the fate of your relationship.

Listen to Kate! I’m a firm believer in the idea that if you really love someone, you set them free!

I know you want to talk to him and know what he’s thinking but you have to take some control. Distract yourself with friends, family, anything! I know it’s hard.

Here’s an example. If you’re looking at shoes, Do NOT think to yourself, “I wonder if he’d like these on me?”. Instead, find a guy in the store, get THAT guys opinion. Do NOT mention your boyfriend. Maybe he’ll talk to you a bit. Maybe the attention from the guy or guys in the store will help ease some of your tension.

I appreciate everyone’s advice
I know – a bunch of you said that you understand/ know that what I want to do
And yes this does make me what to grab on more tightly and question and everything which makes sense – but also confusing to me at the same time since it does seem so opposite that letting go and stepping back would be the most helpful thing
What happened after I txted him
And he asked for a few (camly and nice) got uber upset when I txted him after 3-4 days didn’t work out for me how I wanted it to
So txting him now would only make him super duper pissed

How long has it been since you’ve communicated? And what was the last thing you said to him/him to you?

Beth,

He might not reach out soon, but you still have to stay away and not contact him in any way

Give him a chance to miss you, right now he is suffocated by you, this will not go away quickly, it might take a couple of weeks and THEN he will start missing you and THEN he will start wondering what you are up to. And THEN he will think why is she not chasing me?

If you keep chasing him, if you are instantly available to him, do you think this will stir his dying interest? Why is this counter-intuitive to you that you need to go silent? If you put yourself in his shoes it will be very intuitive.

If he reaches out to you – do not reply right away. Be a little hard to get. You are dealing with a man. Their egos is their main vulnerable spot. If you are not chasing him, he will get his ego pinched and will get MORE interested, not the other way around. If you do meet with him later on, show no eagerness, be light, playful. And do not have sex with him right away, make it a little more valuable for him. His will only appreciate it more.

You have a lot of work to do if you want to salvage this relationship, read up the resources we recommended. Reread this threat carefully.