he said he needed space

@siya
Idk

Beth,

You need to stop waiting to move on and you need to stop contacting him. If he wanted to be with you, he would not put it off for being sick, and he would not in general avoid you and he would attempt to make it better. Right now, he is basically avoiding you.

I suggest you stop contacting him at all and assume it is over. I know that is scary, but it is unlikely any closure conversation is going to make you feel better anyhow. They never do.

If he contacts you, then just say – all this back and forth has made me rethink if this is right for me. Right now, it is not. I need to focus on myself, I am taking a step back and assume we are no longer together because we are not acting together when we are not communicating. I wish you the best if luck.

my thingt off….
I don’t know anymore-I don’t know what to do

Beth,

I know it’s not easy. I know you’re rattled and broken up based on your sentence fragment replies. I know you keep saying, “I don’t know what to do.” Ultimately, people will do what they want. We can’t stop you from contacting him, from hanging on by a thread, from building your entire identity around whether this man wants to be with you or not.

Flip the coin… he will do what he wants, and if he wants to continue avoiding you, he will. No, it’s neither fair nor right that he gave you a day to talk, tentatively rescheduled, and didn’t follow up. But it’s the choice he’s making– his actions are telling you he’s not ready to confront this. If he truly wanted to salvage this, you wouldn’t have needed to reach out and corner him on whether you are going to resolve this or not. Whether it was over from the beginning when he asked for space, I don’t know, but I’m inclined to say yes.

Regardless of whether or not you pushed him to the max, he’s not in a good head space for a relationship; neither are you.

Let’s say you reach out again, make him commit to a time to catch up, he shows up. If by some slight chance you decide to get back together, you’ll feel temporary relief, but the next time he slightly pulls away or an argument happens, you’ll repeat the same pattern and the same scenario will take place. Or you will live in fear that the same thing will happen and you’ll be walking on eggshells throughout your entire relationship, destroying any joy in the process. It will never be “back to normal”

I’m sorry to say, I think you need to accept this as over once and for all. Change your locks if he’s not going to give your key back; the fact that he has your stuff is no longer a bargaining point.

Hopefully your therapy session tonight sheds some more light. I’ve found it takes 3-4 sessions to begin to help. Please, for your sake and for your child’s, move on and work on YOURSELF. I’d avoid dating all together until you’re in a healthy place.

Not trying to be mean, but I’m sad for you because it seems you are choosing to remain stagnant in a way.

Beth, sorry I missed your questions!

STOP texting now. He is going to string you along and torture you for weeks, if you let him. He is not interested in cutting you off completely, clearly, but he is not giving you ANY consideration or compassion or anything at all. I don’t know him, but from the outside, it appears like he enjoys your turmoil.

Do NOT text at all. Do not even reply. You tried no contact, you tried being honest with him when you reached out to him, and you did it ok, your note was fine. Short and sincere. There is only one other thing left to try – YOU ignore him. If he texts, do not reply, at all. If he calls, do not reply at all. See what happens. Will he call again a few days later? Will he text again? If yes, then this is NOT over in his head…so you can take it from there…

If, however, he does not make any additional attempts, he has already “checked out” from you and your relationships. And is not even giving you a courtesy of letting you know, keeping you as a “spare” or a fallback girl, after all he knows you really care about him, so why “throw you away” just yet..

This is what I would have done at this point. I don’t know if you can do it..?

Give it time you will surely recover from this berth. Just don’t bother him with calls and text. Try engage yourself in other activities so that you don’t have to be thinking too much about the beautiful memories your created thus leading to you calling him or texting.

If he really need and want you in his life he’ll call you to discuss whatever happened between the two of you. The nagging with calls and text will will just make him see you as nagging girlfriend and needy as well as having no life without him . Try hang out with your girlfriends and or spend time with family members just to ease the pain.

I agree I need to know NOW

Beth…I agree with Lane. Look toward your appointment today as another step toward healing and something you are doing for YOU. You’ve received tons of advice here, but we can’t resolve your issues for you. You’re doing a positive, loving thing for yourself by seeing a therapist…focus on that right now.

Please take your time to work with your therapist and do post back down the line and let us know how you are getting on. See how Ms Sorrow went to Ms Hopeful to Ms Awesome as she dealt with her issues (Ending My Life post) – she did it and you can do it too. Hugs from all of us.

Kate, up to you if you want to post an email for others who aren’t in crisis. In the case of Beth or anyone in crisis, very very dangerous ground IMO unless you are a licensed therapist and offering professional help. I know you’re think you’re helping but you may very well be doing the opposite. I get you mean well, I dont’ mean to insult you. I feel very, very strongly about this, having dealt with some heavy duty mental health issues of my own this year. There comes a point when friends, concerned parties, family have to back off and let a professional handle or they can very easily winding up making things worse. I don’t have the right to dictate your behavior but please think twice before you do this sort of thing on this site for someone in a crisis.

yes Kate I get it… there is no way of knowing that is best for her, that’s all I’m saying…

I had a FB friend (who I didn’t know in real life) with a counseling background jump in and try to help me when I was having a crisis and he wound up doing me harm despite his good intent.

Hannah, I made very certain to distinguish between people contacting each other off site because they want to connect and know each other in the real world and people who are trying to save someone in a crisis. I’m in touch with a number of people off this site and I’m really glad about that. I’m not picking on Kate, I’ve seen others ask for emails and even phone numbers. Extremely dangerous territory as we are not a crisis support centre.

ok so i like a guy and he knows that and idk if he does he said he doesn’t want a relationship right now he doesn’t want to be like one he wants to talk to anyone he wants without being yelled at he said he wants to stay as friends but idk if he stares at me or someone else or he isn’t staring at me at all but i think he does stare at me but i like him alot but i guess he doesn’t seem to see that what do i do what do i ask him what can i do.