he said he needed space

I think Beth’s thread had been hijacked again lol… I feel badly, she’s quiet and I think we all know what that means. We are here for you Beth.. there is not a woman out there who has not felt what you are feeling. It can be crippling. I had my heart broken so badly a few years ago and I found great solace in my children. Doing projects and movie nights with them all cozied up on the couch, helped me realize I am happy and loved with or without a man in my life. Men come and go.. and we survive in spite because we have irreplaceable girlfriends (in person and here on ANM) and family. It is the holiday season, I know it wil be difficult but I hope you can count your blessings rather than mourn what was not meant to be.

Nothing personal.. But y’all are so interested in what you have offer our ms Beth checked out.

I agree.. I haven’t heard anyone on here qualified to counsel her and she is seeing a professional.

It’s not working

Beth has actually been trying to reply but is having a tech issue…her comments aren’t posting (she was concerned she’d been banned but I seriously doubt that). She said she is still here, went to her therapist again today and plans to continue once or twice a week for now (which is great, IMO). That’s all I know, but I’m sure she’ll be back when she resolves her computer issue.

Can’t sleep

IDK anymore

Beth,

At this point, most of us think you need to take Lane’s latest advice seriously. Hugs and best of luck to you.

“Beth, I think you need to detach from this forum as its keeping you in a state of emotional despair whereas some of the advice may not be helping you at all and is keeping you STUCK which is not healthy for you or your daughter. I personally believe YOU need to know where you stand with this man NOW—no more delays as waiting around in perpetual LIMBO is not helping, only making you weaker and more miserable as each day passes by.

Ladies, we need to allow the LICENSED PROFESSIONAL to take it from here as her issues go far beyond BASIC dating/relationship problems. We need to remember we are NOT PROFESSIONALS and once a licensed professional steps in we need to step out.”

How are you doing Beth? I read through your thread and just wanted you to know that we are here for you and with you. I hope you can feel that this is a safe place for you and you will not be judged. I know how hard that can be when you are already immensely suffering. Sometimes as outsiders people feel that you are not improving but I think if we have empathy and try to put ourselves in your shoes, those of us that have been there know what it feels like. I know that when I was suffering like you I would repeat the same thing over and over and could talk about what others may consider nonsense for hours. In fact I had to just vent and be heard. Sometimes nothing said to you will help at the moment but do remember that first it is just pure survival and do remember that we have ears and shoulders here even if only virtually. Just knowing that there are people here for you can help.

I would suggest that you repeat two things to yourself. One is that you are loved. Yes you are loved. Your girl loves you, your family loves you and we are also genuinely here for you (most of us at least). I think that trauma in your life makes you feel unloved and unlovable and this is absolutely not true. This feeling only hinders your ability to have a successful relationship but therapy will hopefully help with that.

Secondly keep telling yourself that you are strong. You are really strong for already showing as much strength as you have.

I know that nothings seems to help now. I have been there. Through anxiety when I could not sleep, eat or even cry, just suffer. This is not your fault. Do not blame yourself. It is also possible that this man was not right for you but also tell yourself that it will get better, it always does. Even when you think it cannot, it will.

Remember that for a few days or even weeks sharing, therapy and survival are your priorities, then you can start opening up to the world. Some of us are ready after the first few days but some of us are not. Some of us simply suffer more deeply. We are not created the same.

Again I can only feel for you and with you as I have been there, every break breaks me but there are always new beginnings, this relationship has begun too somehow.

Sometimes you never get an answer as to the status quo and the why-s, all you can do now is to close this limbo in you as it is now your choice to end it in yourself. Forget about your stuff for the moment, this is irrelevant.

I am really hoping that therapy will help you but I do know that it is not enough by itself as you can still feel really alone, this is why we are here and you can come here several times a day when you need support.

I do wish you could open up a bit with us. I think it is even harder because you are internalizing most of the pain and I think you feel almost immobilized. Keep us posted please. I will be looking forward to updates from you.

I’m still here
Idk what to say

Also Lane, I agree that NC isn’t always helpful in all situations. It’s up to Beth and her therapist to decide on whether she should contact him, but I suspect the therapist would agree with you.

Whatever you do, do not contact him. Give him space. Let him see you living your life and make him want you and want to be a part of your fun life. If you act needy you will just make him more desperate to get away from you. If you give him space maybe one day he will want to see you again to see how you are getting on without him.

If he does, play it cool.