he said he needed space

Beth, the issue is he already ended it . there was no reason to think about him responding because you should not have been contacting or waiting for him to contact you. Best of luck.

Beth

I am so sorry you are in pain, but this is now self induced. This situation is not working on any level, yet you still are not done with it. You are suffering because break ups suck, but you are not broken up with because you refuse to see the signs and he is appeasing the situation to not look like a jerk, stroke his ego and avoid hurting you. Email him and just say this is not good for either of you, you are so sorry and best of luck. You will feel much freer….

I a, going to therapy..
and trying to work on things

Beth! No one said it’s EASY!! It’s DAMN HARD. Heartache literally hurts. Every single person on the planet has felt exactly what you are feeling. You are not alone by a long shot.

For heaven’s sake, and for your sake, please please please get out of poor me mode. We are all on your side!!! The thing is, you have the power to choose if you’re going to follow with a thought and a feeling that doesn’t feel good or if you reach for something even a little bit better. Just posting here that it hurts over and over for 6 weeks now is not going to help you get on and move forward. We are all standing with you and there is much love for you here or you wouldn’t have so many posts and Eric contributing too. Thing is, at some point you have to accept what is and pick up and go on, even though it hurts. When you just post that you’re in pain in a one liner over and over, there is just nothing anyone here can do for you!!

OK, then what is there to say right now?? Every thought and feeling doesn’t need to be given validation by voicing it. When you keep saying it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, you keep it going!!! Youv’e got your therapy, you’ve got the email addresses of two women from here, and presumably you’ve got some family, friends, etc. So you’re addressing the issues. Good.

You don’t have to stuff the pain, but you don’t have to let it run your life either. “This hurts right now… and tomorrow it will hurt less, and eventually I’ll be on the other side of this.” That’s how you get through it. Another thing that works is to give yourself one full day to be totally sad, angry, miserable, whatever. (When your daughter isn’t around.) Play sad songs, cry, write everything down, make videos of yourself, whatever. And then at midnight, rant time is over. If you want to laugh then look on YOuTube for funny videos about break-ups. Amy Young I think her name is, she’s very funny. That will help you move on. OK? Just random posting “it hurts” here is keeping you in self-imposed agony.

he has some stuff to get sorted out as well.
and stuff to work on too…
I don’t know if he will be in a better place in a month–I don’t know if he will be more relationship ready—
regardless–I still need to work on me—
therapist thinks him and I are in different spots–he has a lot going on and may not be able to give me what I need right now in order to take care of thinhs for himself

Beth, instead of waiting on him, why don’t you take control in your hands?

From the outside, it is clear that he is done with you. By meeting in a month and talking again you are going to reset your withdrawal clock and start your pain yet again. By clinging on this fake hope you are denying yourself healing. Instead of making this a 12-month long and painful breakup, just cut it off YOURSELF.

Why? Because you are NOT happy. Because he is NOT giving you what you need. Because he is not treating you right.

It will be hard, very hard, but 12 months from now it will STILL be hard.

Open your eyes and stop being in denial. You DO know.

From the tone of your writing I can sense that you are moving in the right direction. My wish for you is to NOT drag it for months and months and months. Take charge, it will be easier this way. When YOU do it, it is easier.

Good luck to you, Beth!

maybe he’ll get some of his crap together this month–who knows—and will be in a better spot-for him–for me –for us
I don’t know–

Beth, if I were you I would re-read this whole thread to see if you are improving. Sometimes going back on things since may help. These 30 + pages of your feelings and the great advice a lot of these women are giving you will be good to re-read once in awhile. You’ll see if you feel the same way or differently then when you first seek advice. Just a thought.

Do you take anything for your insomnia? I see a neurologist for my sleep disorders. I find that a mix of natural herbs helps work over time. As hard as it is to eat, you have to force yourself because if you’re not well physically, you won’t be able to think straight. Make stuff that’s easy to eat and start there- smoothies, pasta, soups, then work your way up to bigger meals. Please take care of your body.

Beth I really hope that you realize everyone here is trying to help, it’s not to gang up on you.

But I don’t think it can be said better than Lane did at the top of this page.

It really doesn’t matter what he has to work on. It’s over. As long as you keep holding onto another conversation with him, another date at some point in the future you are staying stuck. This is creating a toxic environment in your mind and body, because you are aren’t really moving on. Hope is a dangerous thing when it means you are reliving heart break over and over due to an inability to fully let go.

This back and forth is the absolute worst thing to do to yourself. Now I am no therapist, so of course ask them about this. I certainly don’t put myself on par with a professional but some of this is common sense.

When you put your mind on two simultaneous paths, seeing two completely opposite and distinct futures it is torment, because you can’t fully embrace either future. That is the point everyone is making here.

This man has either broken up with you or attempted to break up with you multiple times. That is all anyone needs to know at this point. If it were me, I would not want or allow someone to keep breaking my heart over and over. No one is saying they don’t understand how much this hurts. We do. And I definitely do. I doubt any of us here are strangers to heartache of the most heartbreaking degree at some point. But you are keeping yourself stuck. And you are allowing him to.

He’s told you over and over he doesn’t want to/can’t be with you. That is the only reality that matters.

I say this with all compassion. Please stop tormenting yourself, and regain your self-respect (it’s right there within your grasp).

Let him go and fully mourn the loss so you can be healthy and happy. And everyone here applauds you getting help. Yes, this process is for you. Not for him or anyone else, except of course your daughter. Because our children pay attention to everything. Even when we think they aren’t absorbing what they see, hear, and feel. They are taking it all in. You are her role model and her superhero.

Put on your cape (it says MOMMY in a big red heart!), and go take care of you and your baby girl.

Love and hugs to you.

I’m trying to get out and stay busy I’ve been to two meet up over the weekend and had 2 blind dates
I’m trying to stay busy but yes I still want to talk to
Him next month
I see therapist on weds

Instead of wanting to talk to him, you should focus on NOT wanting to talk to him. You will feel like you deserve more if you first ACT like you do. You’d feel better if you no longer WANTED his attention. If a guy treated me the way he did you, there is no way on earth I’d want to see or hear from him again. This is the attitude that would do you well to uphold. You would feel confident if you practiced this as opposed to holding on to a thread of hope for this guy.