he said he needed space

I see that
No it’s not because of him
It’s for me…..
I do care for him, I’m trying to give him the gift of space but that is hard

feeling discouraged–trying to keep in mind that not hearing from him may be super bad–I know its been since weds
I just wished he missed me

I understand that and I’m trying
I went out with my friend Catherine on sat and my second job on sunday
but I am still totally thinking of him and it is hard–I am trying to do things and all and like I said I am at work but he IS on my mind.
I have not seen him since the weekend before Thanksgiving…
I wish I knew if I was even a blip on his radar..if hes even thinking of me
It sucks…he hasn’t asked me to come get my things but I had a dream that while I was at work he came over and dropped off all my stuff
when I walked in my apartment it was sitting in the middle of the floor
I am just feeling very unsure about everything right now

was that about txting your ex back or how to get your ex back?
I was not on my computer this weekend–I only logged on here on my phone so no–I did not
was that what you are talking about
I still having that vision about going home and seeing all my stuff there..
it’s not a lot mind you…
maybe I am thinking too much right now
IDK
right now I don’t know if he even likes me anymore
he said “it’s supposed to be fun and mutually rewarding and it’s no longer”

I know no one believes me but I am trying
I am trying….
This is not easy—

how to get bb?
I am lost

I typed “bb” and “tt” so that the system allows me to post the names of those resources. Try to figure out the names and search for them.

omit those “bb” and “tt” and you’d get the names

ill look Maria

Beth,
I think some frustration that others are having with you is that you keep focusing on how hard it is and what you can’t do.

That alone limits you from making an attempt to get past all this.

We get it now its hard try, changing up you words and make it more positive.

When I am having a difficult time doing something I acknowledge it and then say to myself I’m going to do my best to work around the difficulties I am having. That alone changes how I view a said issue.

Ugh. I wrote a long reply but something in it was blocked, so it didn’t post. Second time this has happened. I didn’t put up a link or use profanity- what other words are banned, anyone know? For a second, I thought Eric banned me :(

Beth, we are all echoing the same thing because we all care. You are focusing on the completely wrong result. You are not making any progress and continue to look outside yourself for happiness, which is very concerning. This is why many of us are suggesting therapy. Please ask yourself, from the perspective of someone else, would I want to date me? Answer honestly. My guess would be, no. Not being mean. Again, I have been where you are but circumstances were a bit different.

You want him back when you need to be wanting yourself back.

You wonder if he misses you when deep down you miss the part of yourself you cannot get back.

Instead of having an overall game plan to work on yourself, you lament about how hard this is. Yes, it is.

You need to accept it for what it is. That it may or may not be over. You need to change your entire mentality around and realize this is about you. Not him. I don’t think you will. I think you will be eager to take him back if he even acknowledges you in the slightest. How does that make you feel?

I’m glad you have reached out to a counselor. Please be honest with them, and with yourself. You’ll start to feel better.

Hi Beth,

Your fear is what’s keeping you focused on how much you miss him, how hard all of this is and it what’s causing the pain you feel. I understand it and it can be nearly impossible to let that fear go. It’s usually ingrained in us at a very young age and becomes a part of who we are. The resulting pain can feel like it’s going to explode from your chest like that creature in the Alien movies and eat you alive. I know it because I’ve felt it. It absolutely sucks. Unfortunately, as much as it sucks, putting yourself through it is the only way to possibly salvage your relationship.

I’m glad you’re going to therapy as I think that’s the best way to help yourself right now. However, you need to perform one very important task (and maybe the therapist can assist). You need to do a cost/benefit analysis of your situation. This is what your bf did when he told you it wasn’t fun anymore and he needed a break. He decided that the cost of accepting things as they were wasn’t worth the benefit of continuing with the relationship. He must still see SOME benefit or he would have just broken it off and given you your things back. But there wasn’t enough benefit to continue without taking some space from you to figure it all out.

You should try to do the same thing. Honestly, truly, is the pain you’re in right now worth waiting to see if he wants to work things out? Is the mere possibility (and that’s all it is…a possibility) that this person will call and tell you that he wants to try again worth the agony you’re experiencing? Do you think that walking away from this painful state of limbo would possibly feel better and that you might begin to heal? Because you won’t start healing while you’re “waiting” for him to come back.

I know you feel powerless right now but you still have the power to say that it all hurts too much and isn’t worth it. You have the power to end it if the cost to you outweighs the benefits. You wouldn’t even have to tell him…you could just make up your mind to let it all go, see the therapist and start dating again when you feel stronger and more capable. Wouldn’t that feel a little bit like a relief? Does it feel like a relief to know that you don’t HAVE to wait, but could choose to be the one to walk away at any time?

Beth please keep us posted here on how you’re doing. I’m concerned.