Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › he said he needed space
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ItAhiA.
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Cali89
What are your needs in a relationship?
Beth
Love
Respect
Appreciatedredcurleysue
You had a life before you met him.
Men are interested in women who have a life outside of them. They do not want women to depend on them for happiness. This is a life lesson for all women, all ages, all statuses.
I know you miss him. And the emptiness you feel can only be satiated by you. You have the power to say to yourself, “No matter what happens, I will be ok, I always have been and always will be.”
Be proud that you have not contacted him. Be aware of how much strength that takes and how much more you have inside yourself. Just understand that the pain will slowly go away and you will have come out of this even stronger and experienced than you ever had been before. It will take time. Start doing something new….something you always wanted to do but did not have the time. Painting, photography, archery…the list is endless.
You are doing good Beth….really good.
Cali89
Beth I agree with the PP, you’re doing great and honestly I think you can find someone who’s a better match for you. The way he came across with “needing space” was extremely rude with the cursing, that’s disrespectful in my opinion.
Keep doing great and you’ll attract better men for future relationships.Beth
Yes the cursing was not nice but I have been backed into a corner and it does not feel good
I can understand why he was upset
I know and acknowledge what I didBeth
And I haven’t txted called or emailed which is something totally different
It does show how much i really do carebeth
todays’s a week
I thought by now he would wonder–geez she’s not texting or calling…
maybe I miss her too….
having a rough timebeth
maybe im thinking too much–I don’t know
beth
elem. special education–why?
beth
I don’t need to be scolded like a child. I’m sorry
I am effin upset and looking for supportbeth
I am not going to lose my job
I know that I am very sad and I am allowed to have my feelings…
It sucks–ok
I miss him– a lot…
Im allowed to feel shittyMae
Hi Beth,
A week is a huge accomplishment. Be proud of yourself and focus on that.
We aren’t trying to scold you in here. We know you’re hurting and we each have different perspectives that shine through in our advice.
Thomas is trying to give you some “tough love” to make you “see the light,” for lack of a better phrase. Perhaps the “be an adult” like was a bit harsh and presumptive because of how deeply you’re hurting, though. You’re most definitely allowed to feel the way you feel which is why you came here, right? But think about this way: every time you acknowledge how shitty you feel, or post about how hard this is, or how much you wonder if he’s missing you, it’s one step backward in the progress you’re trying to make.
I think you’re more strong and courageous than you think. To lead an entire classroom full of special needs children is both admirable and rewarding. I could never have the stamina or emotional strength for it, and would get fired on day 1! Why don’t you try applying the same strength you have in your career to your current situation with the bf?
Or, try replacing every negative thought with a positive affirmation. Example: If you’re thinking, “I really messed up… he hates me,” replace it IMMEDIATELY with, “Today is a new day, I’m learning, and I’m on my way to work to inspire others.”
Again, and as Maria would agree, you’re knee-deep in the hurt of it all and need to go through the motions, but if you start with little steps like these it will become easier.
One week down- way to go! I promise your perspective will start to shift for the better in another week. You’ll still miss him; you’ll still be sad. But you’ll also start to feel proud of yourself, as you should. Keep at it.
beth
no one believes that I am trying
In the past I would have called/txted/emailed..
I would have done something other than nothing–I am trying hard
I respect and love this man so much
he and his feelings are important to mebeth
do you think I will hear from him
Mae
No one is saying you aren’t trying. I just said you’ve accomplished a lot in a week. The fact remains: You may or may not hear from him. But please stop asking yourself that question. The hardest part about situations like these is learning to cope with the unknown. If we were all wired to be emotionally OK with the unknown, none of us would be posting on ANM!
If you keep wondering if you’ll hear from him, do this: Give him until Christmas. New Year’s latest. If he doesn’t reach out to wish you a Merry Christmas at the very least, then you’ll know his mind is elsewhere. At that point, you need to ask yourself if you truly want to be with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you on a holiday that’s about togetherness and blah blah blah. I personally think it would be a rotten move on his part not to say anything during the holidays, no matter how mad, frustrated, and suffocated he feels. If it helps, focus on how much of a “jerk” he is for not wishing you a Merry Christmas. I usually don’t recommend this approach, but if you’re in so much pain like this, giving yourself a reason to hate him can help you move on.
Let’s say you never hear from him again. At first, it will be torture. You’ll wonder and question everything. But it gets easier with each passing moment, hour, day, week, month.
R
I believe he will contact you once he realises you’ve backed off, he will notice the difference 100%! They always do
Mae
I forgot to ask this very important question: For how long were you in a relationship with him?
opinion
oh goodness, girl! he’s a straight up a**hole! you only got ahold of him because you CARE about him! regardless of whatever pissed him off. . walk away! scratch that RUN away, opposite direction of him, and NEVER look back! if he’s that “busy” he shouldn’t have given you his phone # so y’all could [chat/get to know one another better!] if you ask me, i’d rather deal with some tragic flu bug rather than deal with a man that could careless about me! you’re all that and a bag of chips! he doesn’t want you to care about him. . he’s a selfish a**hole whom only wants to communicate when it “fits” his schedule! kick him to the curb! you deserve someone that’ll be happy you cared enough to txt/phone em just to see what’s up in his world! if you said nothing to piss him off, he’s more than likely got something you have no idea about going on, that could be why you pissed him off. . . the “other?” chick was around? were you dating? if not, maybe he wasn’t that into you and just assumed if I be an a**hole to her she’ll take the hint and leave me alone? either way I’d dip on out of that scenario without a bye/why! what a jerk! loves crazy, not the jerry springer show! :) lol
Mae
Opinion, was your reply intended for another thread?
Rach
Guys im being seriously stupid but how do I post my own thread about my own issue?!
And Beth, try and relax and concentrate on yourself, usually if a man wants to finish things he will finish it properly. Space can go two ways, he can miss you or realise he doesn’t need you! More often than not he will miss you, sometimes space is the best thing for a relationship, don’t always look at it as a negative thing! Space can actually bring a relationship closer together in the long run if you play it the right way!
Chin up girl x
Kate
Rach,
Click on “Forums” at the top. A list of categories will come up….pick one. Dating and Sex Advice is a good, general category. Click on it and scroll to the bottom. The form for starting a new thread is there.
Rach
Thank you Kate :) x
beth
mae–met in march and dating–dating each other only since june/july–exclusive
Mae
Got it. So Beth, how about making some plans for tonight? Call up a friend. Go see a movie. Lots of good films coming out.
beth
Do I say to myself if I don’t hear by X–then I’ll say happy holidays?
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