He said he wasn't ready for a relationship or commitment

I agree you should call but please know that this happens a lot. And at least he sent you a text, a lot of guys just ghost. You have to know that a lot of guys leave between the 2-4 months, and a lot do it without warning. This is not an excuse, what they do is cruel and inexcusable, but it still happens all the time. He was probably planning on breaking up for a while, so it really didn’t come out of nowhere. Guys think about it and treat you normally and once they decide to pull off the band-aid they just do. Take some solace in the fact that a lot of women are in your spot, and that you will recover with time. For the next guy you will know to guard your heart.

I’m very sorry this happened. As horrible as this feels, at least he didn’t ghost & actually told you he was ending it. It hurts far worse when the guy doesn’t tell you he plans on disappearing on you, the agony of being left wondering what is going on is torture. I agree with redcurlysue, he picked up on the vibe you are serious about this & felt like he should get out now. I know it still makes no sense to you, but men can enjoy your company very much but just not want to take it further or “serious”. But be glad you know so you don’t waste more time on him. You’ll meet someone better!

I’m so sorry this happened to you! It sucks!! But I agree with everyone has written. Just want to add — as crazy as it sounds — the courting he did is what a lot of guys do. It’s not that men are bad but evolutionary wise or whatever the hell they need to do — I would say most men display even MORE loving behavior than they actually FEEL towards a woman in the first 3-5 months to win her heart. THEN when they know things are progressing steadily and they are sure of the girls feelings — they at some point ask THEMSELVES — is this what I want? It sounds crazy. And sounds shocking. But it happens all the time.

It’s a woman’s job to ASK what a man is dating for, pace the relationship and guard their heart until a man locks her down. It may not sound fun — but it really can be an enjoyable experience just meeting new people, getting to know them, STOPPING the expectations (no matter what comes out of their mouth about how much they like you, who they introduce you to or what future they talk about with you) A man who truly wants to be with you will not hide it and will be consistent.

This guy was probably upfront with you now because he might have realized — “oops we never had the talk that I’m not looking for a relationship and now we let our mouths run away with us and she’s all involved” (I have no idea if that’s what they actually think or if it’s even conscious) but be glad he was a gentleman and ended it properly and follow the steps of asking what they are looking for, pacing and guarding your heart and you’ll find someone eventually who never wants to leave you :-)

Your thoughts are not in the right place.

The moment you think you are not good enough, it means you need to invest in yourself to make it good enough instead of relying on a man to fall in love to validate your goodness.

So spend sometime on my own and ask why you are not good enough. I will run immediately if the guy thinks he is not good enough. That is low self esteem, please fix it.

Put on the profile- look for a man ready to serious relationship and ask in real person just in case if they don’t read your profile.

That is a glimpse of how to survive in this online dating atmosphere

There’s no way to know why he did this. Even if you ask him, he probably won’t tell you the truth. Forget him. There are a lot of idiots doing online dating. Try not to take it personally. This guy is a total flake – big mystery why he is single! (I’m being sarcastic here <<<)

I’m so sorry. The exact same thing happened to me last week. He was a wonderful man to me, pursued me hard, then just went cold, eventually texted me saying he didn’t want a relationship right now, and flat out ignored me after that.

It still hurts, I find myself thinking about him throughout my day, but I’m also angry too. Angry at myself for getting myself hurt, and angry at him for being such a jeek about it.

All I can say is I’m sorry and I know your pain. It blows. :(

@Cindy – you nailed it with that recipe! Laughing (and crying, lol) because I don’t think I’ve read truer words on here.

You’ve gotta have a sense of humor about this whole man/woman thing or you’d go crazy.

Y’all are so awesome! And I agree with everything y’all are saying. Cindy I lol’d at your analogy lol. After I’ve got a clear head now I know I deserve better than this. This weekend we were supposed to go out of town with ALL his friends then today was going to do his sons Birthday party (where his friends, family and parents would be). I was freaked out by that myself. I think it was too much to fast for us. I keep waiting for him to miss me and text me. Although I will not wait I do hold hope that he will realize what he did wrong. In all of my years of dating I truly felt like we had something special. I don’t doubt he wasn’t a good guy just one who took the easy way out. I’m giving dating a break and next time when it moves this fast I’ll make sure I take a step back and slow it down. Crazy how much heartbreak can really hurt! Guarding my heart more next time for sure!

Why are you dating men that don’t interest you? Why WASTE their time and $$$ if you know your not interested in them romantically? Goodness its like no one today has any ethics or morals.

Honestly, I think you need to take a break from dating. What you experienced is known as “mad love” (intense infatuation) where the chemicals are running the show and all rationality and logic is suspended. It really is like being doped up on drugs (like heroin) but eventually the chemicals starts to wears off and can no longer maintain that level of intensity, to the point one is compelled to pull away from it.

It happened to me once, we even got engaged, but eventually as the chemicals started to wear off I was able to see a side of him that was hidden in the chemical fog and it saved me a whole lot of pain and suffering down the road once my rational part of the brain was able to expose it.

True love is CALM and takes TIME to develop over many months–its the opposite of what you experienced. Sure there are some chemicals involved, but they aren’t heightened so it allows you to use your logical/rational part of the brain to communicate, listen, observe, and properly vet each other to determine if your truly a good match in most of the areas that truly matter (honesty, integrity, communication, resolving conflicts, beliefs, sex, finances, parenting, ___fill in the blank___etc.)

What he said is true—you were moving way to fast and those that move fast burn out of gas super quick.

@Lane, you’re probably right. It’s funny, with the guy who broke it off with me, HE was the one that moved quickly… I remember thinking after about a month “Whoa is this is kind of fast, I wish we could knock it back a notch.” Then shortly after that he began to distance himself and I went into panic mode.

Dating has been pretty awful for me over the last 6 months… largely because the last two men I’ve been with were both fresh out of LTRs. Perhaps you’re right… maybe I shouldn’t date for the time being. I will seriously consider this. Thank you.

Hi Nancy,

I’m a guy and the same thing happened to me recently as well. I made it very clear from the outset that I was looking for a relationship. After about 6 weeks of dating and constant communication, I asked if we could be exclusive and she freaked out. She gave me the, “I don’t want a relationship right now” line, and I believed her because she was fresh out of a 10 year relationship that she had been in since she was 15. We went on a couple more dates but things never got back to normal. Now I know to run the other direction if I ever hear that line again. I feel like an idiot. So it happens to both sexes! I’ve been single for 5 years, although most of that was self-induced because of heartbreak. Sorry you’re going through this, I can tell you first hand it’s the absolute worst.