He said he's got too many things going on and he can't balance it

Let him go.

Be messed up. Reflect your lesson learned while you will be messed up. Then you come back to the forum – advised the ladies not do get involved with separated man. It is unwise the most cases.

Most men are not equipped to handle to much and complex emotion that is why they like simple things and for most part of themselves being simple.

If you need to hire for someone to do a job that requires exceptionally high emotional intelligence. You know for sure at this point you would not give him the job because of his situation – he lacks capacity to engage fully and emotionally to do well on the job you listed. If you hire him for the job – he failed as expected, both you you will get fired. Think about it – you are boarding on a sinking ship if he is hired.

Now – be strong. Leave him now.

I would personally not even give him a chance for first date. I have seen so many women sucked into separated/ divorce men. End result is everything about him but they would say life not the same without you to keep reeling you in. You can spend years unhappy if you stay.

It is not worth it. Because NONE of his action shows anything worth you time.

Take the hit and be painfully for a few months. You come out to be stronger , more confidence and better person if you take this route.

Due to his circumstances, you were an “escape”. Someone who made him feel free from his troubles. Now he is back in reality. Hopefully you will not get involved with separated men anymore.

I agree with the other ladies, let him go. First off, it takes time to deal with a divorce and I always question a person’s wellbeing when they jump straight into a relationship after ending a marriage. I grieved the ending of my marriage for 2 years before finally making the decision to end my marriage (taking 2 years to accept that my marriage was over). It still took me another 1 1/2 years before I was finally healthy enough to have another relationship. He needs time to procees him emotions and get to a healthy mindset.

Second, his excuses are just that, excuses. If a man wants to be with you, he will do whatever it takes to be with you. My boyfriend has been dealing with health issues, a stressful and crappy job, and his dad having open heart surgery. He has a lot going on! However, he still makes time to spend with me, to be a part of my life and present with me when we are together. We both acknowledge that our time together is precious, so we enjoy each other as much as possible. You are worth that much. If this relationship isn’t meeting your needs now, chances are it’s not going to get better unless he can realize what he has.

Third, don’t let him define your happiness and self worth for you. Walk away with your head held high knowing you are worth more and you deserve better. There is a man or there who will give you what you need if he isn’t the one. Love yourself enough to know the difference. Be happy with yourself no matter your status.

Yes, let him go. I hate to say it but he is still in love with her. For a guy to be cheated on, that is the worst situation for them. He is looking for a rebound and it will not work. I am sorry you are dealing with this. But as a suggestion when you meet new men who are divorced find out when the divorce was final. I would highly suggest not dating a man going through a divorce when you meet for the first time.

They will always be connected, you might take some of the heat of his bad moods initiated by her and sometimes they don’t give up that feeling of being in love with their ex. I am sorry.

Hi Lost

Going through a divorce is one of the most painful and difficult experiences one can go through and it takes a very long time to fully HEAL from it. There are seven stages of divorce and until he surpasses the last he’s emotionally ill equipped to deal or handle another relationship and sadly you were the “rebound girl.”

I was in his position when I went through mine where eventually you are FORCED to pull way back and DEAL with the grief, loss and pain of losing that person—its literally like going through a “death” even though the person is still alive. His heart still belongs to her and until he’s had enough time to fully disengage and be away for her for a long time he’s incapable of moving forward with another.

I liken divorce to this. You are united as one like a whole sheet of paper and then that paper is suddenly ripped in half and the others side now torn into tiny little pieces (like a shattered window) and you need to go through the process of putting all those pieces back together again until your a WHOLE sheet of paper again (without the spouse in it).

It is NOT an easy task, especially if there’s a lot of pain and heartache involved where these kinds of breakups/divorces can take YEARS (took me over three) to fully recover from depending upon the factors involved from low (better friends than lovers) to high (length, kids, dysfunction, addictions, abuse, infidelity, etc.)

Please learn a hard lesson in this and STAY AWAY from those recently separated, going through a divorce or not fully divorced for a MINIMUM of ONE YEAR! Heck, I wait until after two years because I’ve been there and know what it takes to go through that process. I highly suggest you end it with him NOW because his heart is shattered and will take time to fully heal before he’s capable of giving it another woman again.

Ok I must add one correction to what I said above; I meant that this applies to men in general, I think that women can be different, I would like to add my perspective. For me my marriage was the rebound relationships after a huge love/engagement. It turned out that my husband was the totally wrong type of person, abusive, a liar, thief, etc. I wanted him out after six months and was already over the whole thing, it took one more year after that. In the meantime I fell for a friend. I did not start anything until months after him moving out but I did start a relationship with him three months after that when I felt entirely open emotionally. First I closed my big love completely by meeting him again and realizing I had loved a bad person, then I was fully open but this was a very short time after the separation and before the actual divorce. It is still hard because although there are no ties and my ex husband cannot see me, there are many battles which can burden a new relationship. But just to state that there are some very rare circumstances under which one can be open even during divorce. That said I do not think that this mostly applies to men but it can when they break off a marriage because of another relationship. Not that it is a nice thing but some people have experienced success during that. This seems to contradict what I said above but I am still standing by my opinion above and stating that exceptions probably amount to something like 5 % of the cases.

Hi you say you love this guy but im only hearing judgement. If you truly loved him you would be supportive, loving and less selfish. The guy does have a ton on his plate and he is messed up but hes not actually telling you its over is he. You are saying you are not his priority and no you are not rightfully so as kids and his whole life, work, transport etc they do have to take priority over you for now. But your a grown up so you can take care of your own needs. If i was you i would tell him you are stepping back for now to give him room, that you love him and are there for him if he needs you at this difficult time of his life but he doesnt need the additional stress of your demands as a partner right now and you are going to let him be, give him total space and he can get back to you if and when he feels better. Be a friend and give without expecting to receive and he will admire your strength and in the future it may work out. This is better than ending it badly and breaking your own heart. Meantime date others and let him be, dont put your life on hold. If its going to happen it will. xx

2. Most messed up men would not choose who had seen him being a hero.

Options 2 said it, he is crumbling. The initial dates were him savor in his freedom enjoy his fantasy of dating anybody he wants, but as soon as your relationship started to become a reality he freaked, and you saw a glimpse of him losing his footing. He will never come back to you, because you have seen him broken. Walk away now and go NC, put your heart back together. Also please look into why are you accepting his poor behavior. Why do you think you don’t deserve better?