He said yes to a date… now I'm scared

I’m with Newbie re: lawyer. Girl, you can really argue a case. I would ship myself to law school asap. Out of the town. Away from the crying man. Into school.

Law school is post college. You have 11 dollars to your name, what have you got to lose? He can admire your from a distance.

Absolutely not! Why should I leave? And if all I have is $11 to my name, how the hell would I ever afford law school? Yeah you make good money as a lawyer, but you still have to pay for school. I’m already drowning in student debt from my first career choice that never worked out. So how would I ever afford moving at least 2 if not 3 or more hours away to attend law school? I’d need a new apartment, school supplies, clothes… and $11 is going to get me all that?

Please tell me how is $11 going to get me everything I need to get to even think about entering law school? Where will the rest of the money come from? The other $5000 I would probably need just to relocate and buy everything I need for school? Where would I get that money from?

You will figure it out. We all start with nothing. And some like myself have to start all over again. Dont argue over the fact that someone says something positive about you. Thats what you asked for remember. Positive reinforcement. And you even start to argue over that.

I’m not arguing, simply stating facts. Getting a personal loan is not possible due to the fact that my credit is shot by the student loans I already have. In fact, my credit was shot before that. The only way I could afford college in the first place was because my grandmother is the only person who would co-sign my student loans for me. The only one. A year and a half to go until graduation, I have a plan in place to finish the year locally, and my final 6 months remotely. This was all set up with my professors. It was a go. All I needed was my grandmother’s signature on that final loan paperwork.

The same day I sat my desk filling out my FAFSA paperwork, was the same day I received the call/visit informing me my grabdmother passed away. I had to drop out of school 2 months later because I could not afford to go, because I had nobody who could, or who was willing to co-sign my loan paperwork.

Besides, I have no desire to move. Law school is about as interesting to me as watching paint dry or grass grow.

I am already taking actions into my own hands anyway, I have applied to work elsewhere that will pay me loads more than what I am making now. I had my interview yesterday and though I have not received a definite response, they were impressed with what I can bring to the table and prospects look good. I texted the guy who interviewed me and he said by the end of the month he will work out a schedule with me (it’s a local restaurant being remodeled). It is likely that in the next 30 days I will have a new job and in 90 days I will be leaving my current job behind. So I am already taking the steps I need to take.

“I’m just going to say one thing and then I’m done with this post because we’re at 3 pages now and you don’t want to listen…all you want to do is argue. But 2 people struggling in life with the same issues, no money, no car, low self esteem, damage from prior relationships aren’t just going to come together and have a happy, fulfilling relationship! Not sure what fairy tale you read for that one! It’s like 2 drowning people trying to save each other. Even a good swimmer can be pulled down by the panic of someone who is drowning.”

Again, I *never* said any of this. I never said we could have a happy fulfilling relationship with were we are right now in life.

I AM NOT LOOKING FOR A RELATIONSHIP!

I am simply looking to get to know him better on a more personal basis. Yes wexve known each other a long time but it’s only been within the past year that we have really taken any time at all to try and get to know each other beyond just small talk.

Maybe one day, yes, we could have a happy fulfilling relationship. But that is SOME DAY. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not the day after. Hell, it might even take years. But he is the kind of person that I can see myself getting into a serious relationship with SOME DAY because we have the same goals, we’re both just stuck right now. He is a wonderful man who treats me kindly, he treats me with respect, he’s there for me when I need him. But right now, what is wrong with having crushes on each other and simply wanting to help each other and support each other?

This is what I’m saying! Who cares who said what or who asked out whom? Is it really that big of a deal?

Thank you, Franny, for your response. I appreciate you understanding how I feel and offering your thoughts and support.

I would simply like to clarify that I wasn’t shouting because the responses weren’t what I wanted to hear, I could care less about what I “want” to hear. I was simply trying to emphasize certain points that I didn’t feel like people were understanding, or that they were glossing over or accusations made. Like everybody saying I’m trying push or pressure him into a relationship- I never said that was what I was doing, I never said I was inviting him over to get a relationship going. I said I was inviting him over to get to know him better; or saying that I am trying to trap him in my “web” and manipulate him; or that I need to ditch him because he has no money and has some emotional/romantic baggage. I do care about this guy, and I would never turn my back on a friend just because he has some “issues”. We all have our flaws and baggage. I see in him, beyond all that, and to suggest I should turn my back on him is offensive to me. Or saying “You just need to get laid”. I know the author had no idea of my past, but I guess I’m more shocked by that- I’ve lived my whole life- for the most part- without sex, so it has become commonplace to supress my feelings and urges and not even really think about it. The thought of going out and sleeping with some random dude just to have an orgasm seems ludicrous to me. I can do that to myself. What do I need some random guy for? And I mean to cast no aspersions on people who do go out to get laid… more power to them. It’s just a completely foreign concept to me. And then to suggest that this is what I need to help fix me… no. Just no.

I do understand, and realize, and accept fully that there is a chance things may not work out as hoped. And I am fully capable of accepting that if it does happen. I’m not interested in him because I feel as though I “need” him to make me happy or I have to have him to somehow complete me… I complete myself. I am interested in him because I *want* him to be part of my life.

And that’s why I wanted this date because I am curious to know how he feels- good or bad. I’m kinda getting mixed signals, honestly and I just want to find out once and for all- do I want to continue with this guy or should I abndon all hope and move on? I’d rather know now before I allow myself to become any more emotionally involved with him. If I get too involved, then any heartbreak will be absolutely crushing and devastating. Which I understand is what the advice everyone has been giving me is trying to help me prevent.

But suggesting I turn my back on him, or telling me to just go get laid… it doesn’t help. It’s not helpful advice. If I were to “get laid” I would hate myself more. I would feel guilt and shame because this not the person I truly want to be with. This is not the person I want to be sharing my body with.

Some people are comfortable sharing their bodies with the world in many different ways… I am not one of those people.

I agree with others re lawyer. Somehow it turned out to be about “turning your back on a friend”, as well as about telling OP how caring she is. I’m sure OP is wonderful, but this is not what this thread, or this website, is about. And distancing yourself from a romantic interest who doesn’t seem suitable has nothing to do with turning your back on a friend. OP, I wish you the best and enjoy your evening with this guy! But it’s not just a relationship that neither of you, and especially you, are not ready for. It’s dating, getting involved with someone in general. I say this not because you have 11$ in your pocket, but because you just spent hours defending yourself to a bunch of strangers, overanalysing a situation before even the first date, and portaying yourself as a victim. I understand that posting on a forum like this can trigger a lot, but instead of arguing, you could actually get something out of it, as, by how it sounds, it would do you good to become a bit more… disillusioned and down to earth.

Just as a reminder – you’re actually not in a position to turn anyone down, at most you could decide not to chase somebody. And in case if you missed it, I specifically said that it’s “not because” of financial reasons that you are not ready to date. I also wished that you enjoy the evening, no suggestion that you should cancel it. You’re playing a lawyer again, instead of at least trying to give some thought to what people who are trying to help you have to say. I won’t reply to this thread anymore, but again, all the best to you.

Holy crap. I’m not even sure it’s worth replying anymore, since you clearly going to debate anything anyone is telling you.

Yes, it’s normal if, *in the course of a conversation*, someone suggests you try something– Chinese noodles, watching a movie, whatever – and you try it based on their suggestion. That’s not what he’s doing. You are not having a conversation and making suggestions to each other. He’s passively watching your FB page and then just copying whatever you post. If you can’t see the difference there, I don’t know what to tell you.

You said he follows you around and watches you constantly. Sure it’s normal for a guy to steal glances at a woman he’s attracted to. But a healthy guy who wants to date you wouldn’t just “steal glances” and follow you around for (is it 8?) years. He would initiate some kind of interaction, conversation, or date.

If a woman were doing the things you listed to a guy (watching his FB and doing whatever he says he’s doing, following him around, saying she does not like whoever the guy doesn’t like), we would say she’s semi-stalking him and to cut it out.

I’m not saying he’s a bad guy or a crazy guy. He sounds like an incredibly passive guy. A guy with low self esteem who has been abused. How can he be a good partner to a woman if he is so crushed under the weight of his own insecurity? That’s all I’m saying. It’s not turning your back on him. It’s valuing yourself enough to want a guy who is not an emotional basket case.

I feel like you are going to deliberately misinterpret anything anyone says to you, so again, I don’t really think it’s worth engaging much. No one said you shouldn’t date because you’re poor. In fact people are saying the opposite. You refuse to hear that. No one said people with baggage shouldn’t date; we all have baggage. But we need to have our baggage reasonably under control before we can be a good partner to another person. Anyway, good luck with the date and I hope you get whatever you want out of it.

Dear Lord how is this 3 pages long! Why are you on here arguing with complete strangers! Just have him over and see how it goes! I dont see how this is such an issue