He says he doesn't want a relationship but actions say otherwise

try not to get too hung up on the title, just enjoy spending time with him. I know it’s hard but try and be in the moment

You say his actions say otherwise, but all I’m seeing in your post is words and not actions.

“He talks to me about meeting his mom and what she’s like, and his grandparents”

“he’ll say or date ideas he wants to go out and do vs being at his house”

He talks about you meeting his family, but you haven’t yet. He talks about taking you on dates instead of just hanging out but he hasn’t. So, really this amounts to is that he likes to have you around, likes to talk to you and wants you to stay over after sex. Which could just mean he’s lonely and wants the company of a FWB. You will read on here all the time about FWB who act like boyfriends. It’s incredibly common.

So bottom line is if a guy tells you he doesn’t want a serious relationship he wants to date casually, BELIEVE HIM!! It sounds like he is still young and isn’t ready to settle down or even compromise to give up his freedom right now.

It’s a very dangerous game to sit there and wait around for this guy to have feelings for you if you are wanting a serious relationship and he doesn’t. That’s a good way to get your heart broken. But if you’re just looking for fun and casual dating then enjoy it.

First of all,

Hi Samantha, I’m new here. Unfortunately, I’ve been in this situation and like you I hoped he would ask me out but he didn’t. I was attracted to him and he told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship and want to focus on his career. I believed him, even our friends convinced me he did like me. I told them that he broke up with his ex but they replied that it was ages ago, he should cut his balls and that I shouldn’t give up. I then thought “Nothing is going to change his mind if he’s not ready”. he even introduced me to his sister, blushed when he was around me, be in the same room as me. He liked me but no matter how much my friends and his friends told me not to give up, he would reject me and like a fool, I still didn’t give up. I then gave up one day and told him “Look, if you’re not ready for a relationship, just leave me alone, don’t string me along, we can be friends but please, stop confusing me, either you want to spend time with me and get to know me as a friend or you want something more but just leave me alone. Take me or leave me.” As usual he said please don’t go but I left and he was the one that was heartbroken. I think what you should do is don’t text him, call him, say you’re too busy and go out with other guys and be in an open relationship because at this stage you’re not exclusive are you? There’s no reason he should get jealous because he doesn’t want a relationship. If he asks why then ask him back “thought you weren’t ready to be in a relationship with me, I’m not into FWB, I think we should just be friends without sex, just friends, this isn’t what I want.” See how he reacts. I know it’s hard but you just have to be the man and the strong one.

I am in a similar situation. In my case when we first started talking and getting to know each other it was put out there and he said for the right person he could be ready. So I have done my best to stay unattached so if needed I could make an exit.

I gave him 3 months to figure out if I was ” the right person” (he doesn’t know this deadline exists). If by the end of the year (we started stalking in September but I started the countdown in October)he hasn’t figured it out, then I will make my exit.

I’ve met his daughter and mother and he has told me I can come meet his father anytime I want, he says I can come over whenever I want, we are dating exclusively and he says he can see himself marrying me and having children with me but none of that matters because we are STILL NOT in a relationship.

So I’m basically counting down to my exit. Sucks but that’s life sometimes. Don’t assumes, it’s the easiest way to set yourself up for disappointment.

Samantha – I’m 28 and I want you to understand something I took a whole year to figure out. Men are extremely literal. If he tells you he can’t commit or doesn’t want a relationship he is not playing hard to get. I dated a man a bit older who would ALWAYS initiate convo, ALWAYS invite me to hang out with him and his friends, paid for me to go on vacation with him, bought me jewelry, etc. etc. etc. This whole time this was going on and felt like a real relationship he was still telling me he couldnt fully commit to me.

Where am I now? Heartbroken trying to pick up the pieces, when I could have eased the pain and ended this MONTHS ago when I should have.

I agree with the commenter who said if this is still pretty new then I suppose you could keep going a little and see what happens, but if this is over 3-4 months and he’s still saying he doesn’t want a relationship then I think – truly- you should let it go. Don’t make the same mistake I did!

Men and women are guilty of this “I don’t want a relationship” garbage. It’s never true. Do you really think if the right person came along, they’d still use this line? Of course not. It means “I don’t want a relationship WITH YOU.” I had a girl drop that line on me one time. Two weeks later she was in a relationship with someone else. I’ve learned my lesson – when I hear that line, I walk away. I hope you listen to the other women on here and do the same. Otherwise, you’ll learn the hard way.

Good luck :)

You wrote about this before, the answers are all the same. You are playing with fire.

He most likely won’t change his mind. It’s too bad since it seems you are really into this guy.

Sadly no matter how much you want him, if he does not feel the same there is pretty much nothing you can do, but walk away with some dignity.