He says he is not happy with me but yet wants to be with me

Does anyone have advice on this?

Well, I just broke up for the fourth time with a guy who would stay with me because he thought I had the whole thing going as in, the perfect girl for him, the one. He stayed because he wanted things to magically work (as in no efforts on his part) because he didn’t want me going off with someone else, since I was so perfect for him. But he was not happy. Like, what..? Anyway.

It all started like you.. fights, problems. I would tell him to go if he was not happy. He stayed for some months then left then returned, then stayed briefly and left and so on..

My advice:
-Don’t ask him to do stuff you don’t want to happen. That is if you don’t want to break up, don’t bring that up. That is just stupid and it’s a lesson I learned (late!)

-If your gut is telling you he is not happy, let him be. Stop texting, talking, arguing about whether he is happy or not. Go about your own stuff, your hobbies, work, homework whatever. Sometimes guys need some time out to keep going. Show him you are an individual who doesn’t depend on him to provide you happiness.

-If that doesn’t work, break up. Give yourselves some time apart. But REALLY.. don’t do what we did. The most we have been without contacting each other has been 3 weeks in the beginning. that brought nothing but less oportunity of fixing our issues.. :(

Hope this helped a bit.

I agree, this is exhausting. It’s stressful just reading what you wrote.

First of all…. don’t tell a man to break up with you. That is immature. Take charge of yourself and your role in the relationship. If a man told me he was unhappy with me, I would leave him. Not tell him to leave me. Why would you stay and why would you give him control over whether or not you stay in a relationship.

Do you realize this means that you are OK with him not liking to be with you? Because your inaction and telling HIM to break it off says “I am going to cling to this relationship even though you are not happy in it. I am not good enough to be with a man who truly wants me and is happy being with me.”

Second: What are you fighting about all the time? My guess is that it is all petty. That text you sent him was antagonistic and you basically looked as if you wanted to start a fight with him. Do you realize this?

If you expect a man to ‘talk out the relationship’ – forget it. He won’t. Men do not like to talk about the relationship. They like to live it. It’s true that it’s important to establish boundaries and discuss important issues – but a man is not going to talk things to death. That is what women do, not men.

I have no idea if this relationship will ever work. You both sound as if you lack communication skills and act of emotion rather than reason. I agree that if he says he is not happy, you need to believe him. Right now he is prime to start cheating or looking for a woman that DOES make him happy.

Some people stay in bad relationships because they don’t like being without a mate. As a result, they stay until they find another person to leave you for.

My boyfriend has also said the same thing. He told he can’t remember when the last time he was happy. I told him why are you with me? he said cos he loves me. I don’t know what to feel, there really is no point in being in a relationship with someone who is unhappy and constantly angry.