Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › He says he isn't sure he want kids, i told him i do
- This topic has 6 replies and was last updated 4 years, 4 months ago by
maria.
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Sadie
We started dating last week and have been hanging out a lot, he mostly initiated it.
While on the topic of our parents, he says that he and his parents fight a lot about him not wanting kids. And I asked him if he doesn’t want kids at all to which he replied he doesn’t know. In his previous relationship, his ex hadn’t wanted them so he didn’t put much thought into it. His reason for not wanting kids is because they require a lot of work and he feels like he won’t be able to enjoy his life and be happy.
I told him its a deal breaker for me, and he told me that he really isn’t sure but this is just where his mind is at.
At the end of the conversation, he apologized for bringing this up at all and asked me not to disappear or bail on him.
I am not sure what to think? I know men who have come around to the idea of kids and men who truly don’t want them. A part of me wants to bail because I am worried. Another part says that its not been long, I should get to know him to see how firm he is on this.
Gaia
It’s only been a week! Are you even sure you’d like him enough to have kids with him? I can no longer have children so I’m pretty upfront with guys I date about it especially the ones that want to start families, but those conversations don’t even come close to happening until after the 3rd/4th date.
Sadie
Gaia, I actually don’t know that at all. But this came up in a conversation prematurely and now I am not sure if I should just walk away or continue getting to know him to see if things evolve?
Vera
Sadie, he said he doesn’t know. He didn’t say definitely no kids . I would continue getting to know him
Liz Lemon
How old are you both?
And yes I agree, it’s been a week, this seems like a very premature conversation to be have after dating one week! \
And he said he’s not sure, he didn’t say a firm no. However if it’s really really important to you to date a guy who’s absolutely 100% sure that he wants kids, and if you think this will weigh on your mind and bother you and be an issue for you when dating him– then maybe you shouldn’t date him.Marie
Take things slow and just see how it goes with putting no pressure on him about the situation and he may come around to the idea.
maria
He said he was unsure whether he wanted kids or not. That’s not a definitive “no”. He also said that he didn’t want you to bail. If he didn’t like you, he probably would have bailed on you immediately when you said you wanted kids. I feel like this means he’s not playing games. Deep down, he may want kids with the right woman, you never know.
Me personally, I have 1 son and I don’t want anymore. I never hide this fact from guys. At the same time, if I was in a serious relationship & he wanted kids, if I absolutely felt like he was “the one”, that could change my mind.
I think it’s great that he takes having kids seriously. Some men say that they want kids, then they bail when that baby comes, so at least your guy takes it seriously.
It’s a little too early in your dating/relationship to give up on him simply because he’s not sure he wants kids. He may change his mind, but don’t try to change his mind, cuz he’ll see that as manipulative and it may push him away.
I would just take it slow. I understand you’re worried you may fall in love with this guy (who is unsure about children, when you’re totally sure). You either take a chance on him or you don’t.
I’m not a relationship expert by any means, but I would say, just go with the flow. If your dates blossom into a serious relationship, bring up the topic again. Know that a man will move mountains to be with the woman they’re in love with.
Alright, I’m done rambling.
I hope you don’t give up on this guy. He seems to genuinely like you. -
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