Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › He says he wants to be friends after rejecting me
- This topic has 27 replies and was last updated 2 years, 10 months ago by
Lisa.
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tammy
i think despite all the above posts, your still engaging with him. when you know you shouldn’t. why are you wasting your time and energy over this? this is a dead horse yet your flogging it every now and then to see if it will get up! it wont Lisa. just get rid of the carcass. its time. by engaging with him your taking that much more time to get over this and move on. to give an example. my eldest sibling. we have an 8 year age gap. we just dont seem to get along at all! i see north and sibling sees south. noone is right or wrong. we just see differently. after one particularly bad argument we decided enough is enough and we need to accept the fact that we see differently! and from that day onward we have been polite and cordial. let this go and do not engage in dead issues. how hard it is to say no to discussions? why should you have to move and stay at hotels? just do your on thing and do not engage with him!
tammy
ok another example lisa. i have this friend who recently lost his wife to cancer and also his job! the treatments were very expensive and he has 2 children. his financial plans went for a toss and he now needs to rework his financial plans since a big chunk went in his wife’s treatment. anyhow we had a few disagreements over the past few months before his wife’s death. and i couldn’t understand just why he was acting so unreasonable and weird. his wife struggled with cancer for over 2 years yet he informed me only post her death! his erratic behavior and over reaction to small issues and minor disagreements then made sense to me. he was struggling to cope.
his wife has been dead now for 6 months! yet just 4 days back he started arguing over minor issues. i told him lets agree to disagree. yet after 3 days he restarted the same argument! i simply told him i will not listen to what you have to say on this issue anymore. and i told him i do not want to fight on this. i refused and chose to walk away!
told him the other day while as a friend i can take his bs occasionally, i refuse to be your punching bag anymore. refuse to engage when a person acts unreasonable or is spoiling for a fight. WALK AWAY! for that you dont have to move to a hotel but if you feel you cant deal with him thn do move to a hotel so that you can enjoy the balance part of your trip without drama.
Lisa
***UPDATE***
After almost an entire month of animosity because he didn’t seem to understand that I needed space. I finally had enough. I hated having to act a certain way just so that he’d finally “understand”. Not to mention that my productivity at work was taking a hit. So I finally suggested a face to face sit down and talked for almost 6 hours yesterday…
We ended up having to split the conversation up over 2 “sessions” because I failed to use my “effective communication skills and walked out on the first one session, because he pretty much insulted me. (What I should have done was kept my cool and explained that he couldn’t talk to me that way and it also hurt my feelings or upset me. Not said, “F*** you” and then walked out. Whoops!) So I still needed a resolution. I told him I did not want to continue doing this anymore…
The final conversation lasted over 4 hours. In conclusion he said he will give me the space I need. So we’ll see what happens. Hopefully this is the end. -
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