Home › Forums › Decoding His Signals / How Does He Feel About Me? › He says I scare him!
- This topic has 6 replies and was last updated 4 years, 10 months ago by
LaFrance Thibodeaux.
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Cassidy
So I thought things were going well. But I’m at a bump in the road. We were in communication since July last year, we met and things flowed. We always have so much fun together. In December he invited me to some family gatherings and I met his parents and siblings. Things were normal in my view. Lately he’s been telling me weird things, like he says he is afraid he will hurt me. Now if I didnt know any better, when a man says that it means he knows he will eventually hurt me. I told him that, but he said no that’s not what he meant. After he said that I pulled away a bit because that was confusing. He kept on asking to meet me and all, made things feel normal. Then two days ago he said HE is afraid. And I noticed he was pulling away. I asked him what he meant and he said we will talk in person. I was in his neigborhood when he sent me that text and I told him we can meet now if he can. He told me he’s hanging with his brother in law. I said ok cool. Then the next day he sent me a text that said. “You’re tense lately” to me that meant maybe im crowding him a bit or something. So I texted him back with “I understand”. Then i haven’t initiated any more text or conversation, haven’t called him, havent tried to get his attention in any way. It’s been 2 days and we both haven’t contacted one another. I’ve been binge watching some videos on YouTube about when a man pulls away or ignored you and have received some insightful messages. That I should give him some space and remain distant. That he is scared he is heading for commitment and things of that nature. So I came here to get some opinions on if being distant is really what I should be doing. I like him a lot and when I look back on things I think that I have been too much in his face, that I haven’t given him much scarcity. And I think he is comfortable with the idea that he already got me and he is now taking me for granted. And I’d like to know how can I redeem myself on this! And if or when he does reach out to me again how do I handle it?
Tallspicy
You seem to have a good head on your shoulders. It is a major red flag when a person tells you they think they’re going to hurt you especially a man. You did the right thing by trying to talk to him about it. There is not anything else you can do. I think that pulling way back is a very good idea let him initiate everything. If it looks like within a week or two he’s not kind of coming back around, you may want to consider whether or not you should break this off. I cannot tell if you’re actually in a committed relationship from what you’re saying, if you are then I would end the relationship after a couple of weeks without any decent communication. Or simply tell him you will be dating others. “I can see you need some time, and you can have all that you need. However, During this time we are going back to non-exclusive dating and I will be seeing others. I simply want a real relationship and it is ok if it is not with you, but I won’t put my life on pause while you decide.”
And in the meantime take very very very good care of yourself.
Andrea
My take is he has determined he doesn’t see a future with you, and is looking to ease away. He’ll probably slow fade.
T from NY
What Tallspicy said
Dutchiii
You seem like a calm and collected person . Please be prepared to anything.I’m impressed by the way you handle things even if you’re dying inside. Keep giving him space and let him do the job . In the meantime take good care of yourself.And use this opportunity to find the honest, real pros and cons of your relationship.
Ames
He probably got scared after you meeting his parents, etc..and isn’t ready for a serious RS. So is pulling the slow fade..and somewhat blaming you for being “too tense.” Give me a break. Unless you were coming on too strong and in that case, you’re doing the right thing by keeping your distance. I know how it feels when this happens and you freak out and overanalyze it and spend all your time searching articles on the internet. Unfortunately, that won’t solve your problems. And will eat away at you and cause anxiety. Which guys can pick up on/sense..like a vibe that just comes off even if you’re not in contact with him. Either way, it’s not all about him. And you’re giving him too much power and space in your mind. It’s a waste of time and you’ll end up mad at yourself for focusing on something that you can’t change. I know it’s hard but can you try to focus your energy on something else? Anything else?! Like going for a walk, hanging out with fam/friends..reading a book. Work out (the endorphins will ease your anxiety). He’s just a person with flaws like everybody else..don’t put him on a pedestal. It sounds like this is not going to work. So act as if it’s a done deal. And consider talking to other men and going on dates. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. I know it’s cliche but it’s 100% the truth! A man is either all in or not. You deserve somebody whose all in! xox…In the grand scheme of life, this is so minuscule and you will move on with your life!
LaFrance Thibodeaux
Cassidy,I salute you for not chasing him or give him any inkling of an idea that you’re bothered by his words..Men have gotten so accustom to the fact that some women will accept anything they dish out just to have a man around..It makes it really hard for the women who are content with themselves..Me personally,I wouldnt explain anything to him when he reaches out..If he has it in his mind that he’ll hurt you & felt the need to give you the heads up then its apparent that either he has unruly behavior or he’s entertaining other women..He knows that you dont deserve that so that’s a warning..Always think of yourself first whether you care for the guy or not,whether you’ve slept with him or not.. Remember nobodys going to love you like you love you!..Several years back I had an ex that I knew for many years prior to dating..He wanted a relationship for awhile but I was dating,living life,having fun & didnt want a commitment..When I was ready we made it official..Things were great for the first 2years..During that time he’d say things like ‘I’m a bad guy Fancy(my nickname) I’m no good for you’.I couldnt see it because in my eyes he was great to me!..He worked damn hard to get me & was doing everything right..If boyfriends came with a number he’d be in the top 3 of my roster..In the middle of year three,I started to see exactly what he meant by being a bad guy..He became extremely jealous,judgemental,& ice cold for no reason..I only wanted him,I was going to marry this man..He had gotten so delusional he accused me of being in a porno when he knows what i do for profession..An accusation like that would ruin me..I couldnt get with this ‘new him’ at all & I wasnt going to fight for someone who’d changed like Easter Sunday for no reason..I truly loved him but not enough to lose myself..So from the day I saw the change in him I started training myself on how to live without him,build myself up to leave & never looking back..The final straw came maybe 2-3 months later..We had a big blowout & I told him he had 2 go,I told him that I loved him but I didnt have the desire to be with him any longer..He started to get his things,hell I even helped him pack,I gave him his ring,& gave him the ✌🏼..The weight of the world was lifted from my shoulders that was until he broke back into my home later the next day,armed with a knife,& stabbed me repeatedly in the neck & chest..He almost took my life & it was all because I didnt take heed to what he was telling me..Sometimes you cant base things off of how long you’ve known a person,how well they may treat you,how well you may think you know them..To hell with love,likes,looks,& feelings..You have to pay attention to everything!..That includes Actions & even words because people live in disguise..I can vouche for that for sure..
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