Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › He says no spark, but still contacts & makes out?
- This topic has 11 replies and was last updated 3 years, 6 months ago by
tammy.
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Jen
I’ve been on 4 dates with a guy. We had instant sexual chemistry before we went on dates as in attraction.
We’ve kissed & he came on to me to make out a number of times.
Yet he says he doesn’t think we have a spark
We have everything in common. Interests & I can’t forget how we acted around each other with nerves etc…
He still is asking for more dates and wants to see me & hasn’t tried to sleep with me. But I can’t ignore those words “no spark” when it doesn’t seem that way
Kim
If he’s saying there’s no spark and his actions don’t match up to his words it’s a major red flag. Sounds like he must just be lonely and likes the idea of a relationship. That’s not a good enough reason to be in one. Have some respect for yourself love and put an end to it.
Khadija
Please stop seeing him, he’s probably bored and hasn’t found someone he’s really into.
When he does he will disappear and you’ll be scratching your head.
Listen when a man tells you these things.
Lastly, please bring your standards up guys like this have no place in your world.
Lane
This is aa learning lesson. He’s TELLING YOU he’s not feeling it the way he needs to in order to make you his GF but is enjoying the challenge. Trust me, you give it up and he’ll disappear!
The best male indicator that will save you a lot of dating angst is to CAREFULLY LISTEN to a man’s WORDS and then WATCH HIS ACTIONS—-if they don’t align he’s blowing smoke up your you know what.
WORDS + ACTIONS = TRUTH. This man’s words are not aligning with his actions—-only when they BOTH ALIGN on a regular and consistent basis over a period of time (many months) can you know if he’s a good man or not. I would stop wasting my time on this one OR make him wait several more months for any sexy fun, if he makes it that long lol
Anne
He doesn’t like you- enough. There isn’t spark- enough.
Spark doesn’t necessarily mean sexual attraction. That’s part of it, but what he means is that he doesn’t feel any drive to be your boyfriend.
Isabel
No guy would ever say that to a girl he wants to be serious with. You’re going to end up being a placeholder in the relationship. Although you may think you’re perfect for each other because you have the same interests and stuff, he doesn’t see what you see. Someone saying there’s no spark between us what be a big deal for me. It should be a deal breaker for you, I mean why would you continue a relationship or whatever you guys have after that point (unless you’re prepared to breakup down the road) because it already sounds rocky.
Jen
Thanks for this. Best to call it a day.
I think it’s bull about no spark as his behaviour doesn’t mirror those words. I think he’s scared of commitment so wasting my time. Move on to the next
Jenny
Jen you don’t get this. It’s true, he doesn’t feel a spark enough to be serious about you. But he will still take all the sexual activity you’re willing to let him get away with. Guys separate sex from love quite easily. He’s not scared of commitment. He knows you’re not Ms. Right… but you’re fine as Ms. Right Now. That’s correct – walk away.
Maggie
So I’m one of the 1% that had a guy say that to me, and he changed his mind.
It practically never happens.
I thanked him for telling me. I stopped talking to him. Two weeks later he asked me out on a date again. After that he said he’d changed his mind and he was sorry. And now we’ve been going out for 10 months and are talking about moving in together.
Only way this works out is if you accept he isn’t into you and then ignore him and get on with your life. Maybe he will change his mind. Maybe he won’t. But stop talking to him and definitively dont put out.
anon
I dated a guy and we had sexual chemistry and made out and it was fun. He told me the same thing…. and I agreed. There was really no emotional bond/draw, and we weren’t necessarily “easy” with each other. It was awkward at times. But we both liked each other as people and were horny. We would have probably continued to see each other (and other people), but he is just a bit too far away for casual.
So it’s not “bull” that you can have pretty hot chemistry, good dates, and a lot in common, but still not have that emotional draw to a person.
By contrast, I met a guy, and we had the chemistry, little in common, but an emotional pull like nothing I’ve ever experienced. We melt when we see each other. It’s a different feeling, emotional attachment.
Gan
I wish I knew this earlier, his words and actions did not match, but I took the action and left the words. Months after he likes someone else and tells me he liked me but not enough to date me but we did all people that “connected” did. guess I was connecting alone.
tammy
he just hung out with you till he found someone. yes next time, if guys tell you that they are not feeling it but still make plans and see you, you need to understand that this is casual and not going to lead to anything. its ok we all learn from our mistakes. take this as a lesson learnt for future. all the best.
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