Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › He seems to pull away after I rejected him on sex
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Joe.
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Macy
Dear all,
I feel very uneasy at this moment.
I met this guy online months ago. I know he’s quite interested in me, but something I feel weird is he never held my hands in the public, but would kiss me in some secluded corners. I pulled away when he did this, as I think if he tried to put me in the dark. He complained a bit, but not seriously. Honestly, I am quite a conservative person, I prefer not to do this in the public, so we did kiss when i was in his place.
Two days ago, I went around after I had my dinner and as usual we kissed. This time, he asked for sex. And I turned him down. He was a bit shocked when I said no, and after a while, he left the room and became very distant. After I went back to the living room, he said he’s really tired and wanted to go to bed. Before I left, I tried to hug him and said “Don’t mad at me, I just want to take things slow.” He stood still and said “No, I am not, if you keep say this, I would be mad.” He tried to take things easy by asking me my work tomorrow, but at that moment, I had my ears shut. On my way home, I received a message from him saying “It is not what you think. Good night.” I could understand that he was very upset and mad at the moment but I really didn’t know how to handle this and chose not replied him. And whenever he make the “good night” message, he would turn his phone off.We didn’t contact each other for one whole day yesterday. And I saw him going back to the dating site… This hurt me.
This morning, I whatsapp him a “good morning” message, he didn’t reply, and when I sent the second message, “busy?”, he replied coldly, “always”… I gave him a smiley face and stopped sending him anymore messages. And he didn’t get online again after he replied till now.
Ladies, I think I did something really wrong to him, which is turned him down on sex. And I didn’t handle this well.
What can I do now? Would we just end it like this? I really like him, but truly, I am not ready for sex when I know I am not his exclusive one…Please give me some advices…
Many thanks.
Sin
@Macy: Firstly, kudos to your self control and saying no to Sex. Secondly he does not deserve you. A man who really likes and respects you will respect your boundaries. This guy does not have any regard and respect for you and is acting like an immature douche.
Just ignore him and cut him off from your life. You dodged a bullet and came to know of his real intentions. You don’t need such douches in your life. Always kiss/ have sex only when you feel like it. There is no hurry. I’d say, even if you want to have sex after marriage it is okay, it’s about what you really want. You are not obligated to have sex with a guy just because he is nice to you and has been taking you out on dates. Good luck xx
Macy
Sin, Thanks for your prompt reply. I feel hurtful when he became distant because I rejected him. And the feeling of being kicked out of his home was not horrible. I think I hurt his ego…
But you are right, I should feel ashamed of rejecting him, if he really likes me, he would understand as I have told him that I wanted to take things easy…
I just need to be strong to get over of losing him.
Thanks, Sin.Sin
Macy: Anytime. And yes, you’re right on the ego bit. It’s obvious that he came on the site looking for sex and he thought he’d probably get to have sex with you and when you said no, he could not deal with it gracefully. Additionally the whole ‘kissing in a private place only’ thing that you posted about is shady AF too. You really dodged a bullet and feel happy that someone as pathetic is him is out of your life now. There are some really nice men out there who will respect you for who you are and you’ll definitely meet them. Keep the faith :) xx
Macy
Thanks for your support, Sin.
I will try hard to move on. :)Karem
Macy,
“Ladies, I think I did something really wrong to him” oh boy. You would have done something -bad to yourself- if you have sex with this little man.Losing him? You are not losing here. He is not yours. He is the one losing the chance to meet you in a deeper level. (And I am not talking about sex here)
“This time, he asked for sex. And I turned him down. He was a bit shocked when I said no, and after a while, he left the room and became very distant.”
BIG RED FLAG!!! If he wants something serious with you, he knows how to handle this.
He wants sex only or he is very immature.“the feeling of being kicked out of his home” BIG RED FLAG!! Don’t lie to yourself. That make anybody feels JUST bad and disappointed because even if you don’t accept or realize that in this moment, his behavior proves you he was only interested in one thing : – SEX –
Please move on and Keep the faith as Sin told you.
Emily
Hi Girls, I had exact the same problem last week. I met this guy online, we talked for about 4 days and then we met for the first time at cafe, after that we went back to his place for a movie and I asked for sex. I said no, then he just kissed me and said okay I get it. I thought he understand but no, he didn’t contact me anymore. So I cut him off completely from instagram, Facebook and deleted his phone number.
We are all beautiful, stand up for ourself ladies xxAmz
Yeah, it’s pretty obvious he was only ever after sex. It’s a good thing you found out before, not after you had sex with him!
You dodged a bullet. Good on you for sticking to your guns, you should be proud. Forget him an his small-minded ways. Find yourself a man who wants to be with you, not your va-jay-jay.
Paige
He’s a loser. Count your blessings. You can find some way better.
Anne
He was not concerned about impressing you. Not much of a gentleman either. You showed him your valuable self. Be proud.
Aida
He was only after sex.
Joe
This post is from August 2015
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