Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › He sends me pics of other girls ,why does he want to hurt me?
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wtf22.
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Mel
17 months ago I met a guy.
It started off great,he was caring,considerate,we started dating and I thought we were together.
Then he started backing off and saying we were just friends.
All the while messaging me and then told me we are just friends (even tho he called me his gf ) then we started dating again.
He would then back off.
He would send me screenshots of all these women chasing him and ask if I was jealous.
He sent me pics of a girl smiling in bed with her.
Then asking me if I was mad?
Then we went on a date again
I would message him and he would read and ignore and 5 seconds later he put a pic on his Snapchat of a girl in just his shirt (so I would see)
Then he told me he didn’t want a relationship and did I know anybody who was single and up for fun ?
The day later he would comment how sexy I looked.
We stopped speaking for 4 months.
Then started speaking again 3 weeks ago.
He was messaging me and sending me screenshots of “our”
Song.
Then I wished him merry Xmas
He didn’t reply
I text him Boxing Day he replied “I’m kind of seeing someone,don’t bother speaking to me again I won’t reply”
This is someone I have a lot of history with and spoke daily.
He told lies in the past to hurt me so not sure if this is another one of those
Why ?Anderson
I’m struggling to believe this is a real post. And not something written to entice reactions, just like the guy shared stuff to light a fire. But then I realize there are actual cases like this in the world. So I’ll respond keeping that in mind
I could be an armchair psychologist and conjecture that he’s sadistic, that he’s treating you like a chewtoy for his entertainment like a cat toying with a mouse that it doesnt want to eat. Or because you’ve put up with so much of his nonsense, he’s curious and testing to see what he can get away with. Like a high school bully that continuously pushes the boundaries of what someone will put up with. And it doesnt help that you keep trying to stay or get in touch with him.
So the only important question here is why are _you_ still with such a person who consistently treats you this terribly? This entire post is about him. I didnt see a single mention of what you want, or how this makes you feel. No emotion? Now I’m no stranger to being so focused on an ex lover’s needs that I would often lose sight of what I wanted.
You need to let him go. Permanently. Or else the damage you’re doing to yourself will take a long time to recover from.
Anderson
*Now I’m no stranger to being so focused on an ex lover’s needs that I would often lose sight of what I wanted. But this is on another level
Tallspicy
He hurts you because you tolerate it. This is 100% on you. Snap out of it.
Mel
I’m aware most people would have walked away by now.
The only reason I have is that I have feelings for him.
It started off so good,he was perfect,really fun,caring then everything just changed.
He seemed to not care he was hurting me.
I’m not contacting him again
I want to prove to him I’m stronger than this and show him I don’t need him In my life.
I’m just strugglingMel
*havent (sorry typo )
Newbie
You have to find out why a guy like this can have such a grip on you when he treats you lesser than you treat someone you loath. You need to really find out because if you keep allowing guys like this in your life (and its not even him checking in but you feeling him again), you will waste collosal loads of time, your selfrespect and selfesteem and then years of therapy getting it back. You posted about this guy before so its a long term problem for you. I hope you can get clearity and realize from within you deserve way better than a guy like this. Heck a guy like this shouldnt even be on your radar. All the best on finding a good guy in 2021
Anderson
“I’m not contacting him again”
That’s a great first step! <3 Second would be to identify and build your support system.
I completely empathize with your struggle. I’m self-sufficient in most things in life, but getting out of a great relationship that I was completely invested in, that started to turn unhealthy for me was something I couldn’t do all by myself, especially not as soon as I did.
So I’m in an eternal debt to my sister for the weeks after the no-contact/breakup. And occasionally thereafter. She kept me in check when I kept questioning if leaving my ex was the right call. Or questioning if my mistakes in the relationship were to blame, when my ex did way worse things.
Luckily for me, no matter how strong/stubborn I may be, if someone can make solid points or present a strong argument, that can make all the difference. Sometimes the same points may need to be reiterated a few times because feelings can be irrational and annoying ;)
Hopefully this gives you some perspective in understanding yourself. If on the off chance you don’t have or want your support system to be your family/friends (dirty laundry, I get it)… forums like this have people who will be happy to support you during this tough time and keep you in check
Mel
Do you think it was something I did wrong ?
Or is it just his behaviourNewbie
Does it matter? This guy turned out downright cruel and if you could see clearly you would be happy he is not in your life. I think what you forgot to do was grieve he didnt want to make it serious. He told you he saw you as a friend. You should have heard it. Not hearing him meant you wasted 14 more months on this guy and still youre not done. Youre hurting yourself at this point.
Mel
It was confusing as after he said he didn’t want to be more than friends ..a month later we started going on dates again and sleeping together /weekend away etc
Then a week later he would send me a pic of women messaging him.
It was just a messed up situation
He knew I was hurting but I should /could have walked awayNewbie
If a guy tells you he wants to be friends/doesnt want to hurt you/thinks you deserve better it means he doesnt want a relationship with you. If after that you go back and sleep with him you silently agreed with being a casual hook up. Just remember that you cant sex a guy into a relationship, in fact it often does the opposite. And if a guy does come back, like this one did after a month, ask him if he changed his mind about the two of you, or what is different now. You have to ask.
And your last texts should be a sign to delete his contact info. Promise yourself that guy isnt around you in 2021. The end is humiliating but accept it and realize he is just a guy, and not a good one from what you wroteMel
I’ve deleted his number
I’ve removed him off social media
If he ever messages again I won’t reply
He has totally humiliated me
I feel like I’ve just been discarded like I’m rubbish.
It’s awfulMel
I think he wanted to hurt me tbh
Or he wouldn’t have showed me pics and asked if I was jealous etcNewbie
Dont beat yourself up about it. We all done that but in time the memory fades away. Just use him as an example you deserve better treatment and work towards that goal where you trully feel that.
Mel
Thankyou
I’m hoping next year is a new start
Happy new year xElvira
Hi Mel
This post was actually very sad and I hope you read it to yourself and ask why did I accept this behavior? A man who tries to make a woman jealous by sending pics of him and another woman in bed has very big insecurity issues. His ego needs to be constantly stroked so he feels good about himself. His constant disrespectful behavior is not acceptable, please understand that.
I think the first thing you should do is invest in some self help books for the new year. There are many out there that will explain to you how to gain confidence and know your worth. One book I read gave me the best advice – it said make a date with yourself…set yourself up like you would if you had company coming…light a candle, play some music, organize your area, pour some wine, run the bath with a scent and make it a date with yourself. Put on your sexy/comfy nightie and get to know yourself as a sexy woman. Sometimes we forget our biggest critic is us and we let others take advantage of our vulnerability instead of rising above it. I hope you find what your seeking in the new year!Mel
I’ve just read it back and I feel absolutely pathetic.
I must have looked so desperate mustn’t I ?
I wanted him so bad ..at the expense of my own self worth.
I deserve so much better than that don’t I.
I wish I had done it differentlyAnderson
Mistakes are a blessing because they allow us to define who we are and set boundaries for next time. I have a strong conscience, good morals and standards today but I dont think they would’ve been possible had I not made the mistakes that come with a lesson. Like newbie said, we’ve all been there
Hindsight is 2020. Dont get caught up in coulda shoulda woulda.
I admire how you immediately dropped him after you got outside views about your situation. In spite of being hung up on him. Love is blind and you snapped out of it very well. That takes strength, so give yourself some credit too :-)
wtf22
You’ve posted this many many times over the past year. You say the same things every time. First it was a woman you were dating. Then you changed the story to it being a man. This isn’t real. You just post this to get attention because everyone jumps in and responds.
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