He sent me the wrong message??

I replied him in a pleasant and polite way, I will just leave him be for now.

I said “not sure you sent the last text to the right person~ but happy Friday :)” and I left him alone, he hasn’t replied yet. I guess he just won’t reply anytime soon or not at all.

Anyways, I am not that worried. We have only been seeing each other for a few weeks and I don’t really know him or his intentions that well yet. If he is not interested, there is plenty of fish out there.

I was pretty naive before, I thought “dating others” only means going out on dates with them, but apparently he is sleeping with them and he lied to me about it( I asked him if he was into causal thing before when we were kissing, and he swears to me that he hasn’t slept with anybody in months, lol) I know I shouldn’t ask that but I was not trying to pry or anything I was just curious so I asked. I guess his first text”going away to philly this weekend” is also probably some excuse, he is probably hanging out with other girls. But who cares?

I am dating two other guys also, but I am not sleeping with any of them. I guess guys’ standards of ” dating others” mean differently than ours, ugh?

Anyways. Should I take this as a warning sign? Should I give up on this one now?

I would never ask a man I had only a few dates with if he was having sex with other women? First of all, it’s none of your business UNLESS you are having a discussion about starting sex between you both.

If someone asked me that question, I probably wouldn’t tell the truth anyway, because again, it’s not anyone’s business unless and until it becomes an issue with that person.

It seems you need to chill. You are getting way ahead of yourself. Most men you meet will not be looking for a relationship with you. That is why you take your time, get to know them, make zero assumptions, and let it play itself out. Always assume he is seeing other women unless he says otherwise.. And of his own accord.

Instead of worrying about if he is seeing someone, look to see if he is even good enough for you to consider as a BF, I doubt you can decide that in a few dates.

Women get confused with the process. You pick from the men who show you that they want only you. Not the other way around. Only pick from the men who show serious intention, until then, stay neutral and see if they deserve you.

@Veronica

Navigating through dating in nyc myself, it’s a tough territory. regardless of who that was truly meant for, i would have my guard up. would i be totally butt hurt about it? no. you’re seeing 2 other guys. put this one a little more on the backburner for now, since your gut is telling you he is more on the casual, rather than serious side. trust your gut. if you have a feeling, FINE. no big deal. know how to proceed with a bit more caution now. to expect this man to throw away all his other potential ladies is absurd, because he is allowed to date and see who he wants, he doesn’t owe you anything. vice versa.

i personally feel as though it was probably meant for some other girl, most likely. even if it was, so what? you’re not official and you’re just in the early stages of dating . don’t be so caught up with it. have fun with it, and don’t take it so seriously. you know where you stand, and act accordingly. was he wrong for it? no. he could’ve covered his tracks a bit better, but it’s all good at the end of the day. hope you feel better. Happy friday

You should assume every man you are dating is seeing others and sleeping with them. That is why if you want a relationship you do not sleep with anyone until you are exclusive. That conversation is between you two and only about you two. Never a good ideas to know about the other women.

I am 23, the guy is 26.

I understand, you guys nailed it. I will not take it personally and I have no right to judge him.

It’s just he actually convinced me he likes me and may see potential now he can’t even cover his tracks that well, so I was naturally a bit disappointed.

I will put him in the back burner for now.

I am going to meet other new guys. I actually don’t like the dating environment in NYC, a lot of girls are ready to get physical, and it seems like we have to compete for guys who are a bit decent. I am not going to compete for anybody.

Veronica, you may find he does like you. If you over-think this stuff and worry and analyse, all you do it create stress and tension. When you see him, when you text, when you think of him.

Cut it down to basics. He’s dating and so are you. Just enjoy it and have fun with it. You have an end objective, which is to have a boyfriend. The more you think like that, the harder it is to find because you are analyzing, worrying and wanting the end result. Instead just think “is he nice, do we have fun together, does he treat me well?” If the answer is yes, go for it! But see it for what it is. It isn’t a relationship. It’s dating. There are no guarantees.

I was single for a lot of my early 20s and I loved it! It would have taken a very special man to make me want to give up my independence and all the great fun I was having at that time in my life. Who cares what your friends are doing?! The more you are yourself, the more you enjoy your life just being you. the more you’re likely to find the right man.

Veronica, do you kiss you dates? I imagine most people do. Are you going to kiss these men you’re going out with?

That’s why I don’t date (but I’m in a country where we don’t really date anyway).

NYC is defintely a hard place to date, everyone seems constantly to be on the look out for the next best thing.

If a guy making out of kissing or girls bothers you that much, I rather to honest with them with your belief.

If you don’t tell them know, they will think you are doing the same or similar as what they do. It is much easier to do it up front.

Now you can’t really speak your mind – don’t walk on egg shell. You still young – you can afford to speak you mind.

It is good that you are single because your girlfriends may be heartbroken or divorce down the road. Speak your mind – it will help you to find the right guy who has similar values.

Veronica, I just wanted to say that I actually understand you – I want a guy whom I’m “dating” to be exclusive asap too… I understand that it doesn’t always happen in real life, but for me it seems more honest that persons are focusing only one person at one time. There’s so few guys whom I’m interested anyway and if I’m already willing to go out with a guy, I know that I like him enough to at least try to focus only him. Then again, I’m not from US, it’s seems to me that US people have really different mindset about things like this and there is a dating culture with multiple people really common, even norm. In my country we don’t usually just date for a dating, so my mindset is different about that I guess. Anyway, do what’s the best for you. If it bothers you, be up front – if it’s not meant to be, it’s not meant to be, at least you spoke from your heart. Dating many people at the same time doesn’t have to suit to everyone.

@Veronica
I know how difficult it is to juggle more than one guy, especially going on all these dates on the weekend! but the good thing that comes from it is…you get to see who you have more fun with, more chemistry, greater attraction, etc. that’s fine. it seems as though you’re more attracted to this 3x33rd guy, which is understandable. i am dating in NYC as well, as a 25 year old girl, i find that most guys i’ve been on dates with are usually seeing some other girls (just always assume this…most NYC singles in their 20’s have the “grass is greener on the other side” syndrome). they’re always looking for the next best thing. i’ve learned to manage this a tad better. just assume he’s seeing other girls because (like you), he’s sampling more than just 1 option out there, like you are. it sucks! but that’s how women and men roll in NYC.

how to proceed: i personally think you if you want to get this off your chest, and don’t feel like letting this go unnoticed, i would just make a lighthearted joke about it. don’t be accusatory or angry (because you have no right to be). i’d say something along the lines of “oh, were you asking me to come to your place on 3x33rd?” and just laugh about it. see how he reacts or retaliates back on the joke. life is too short to gnaw away at something that isn’t confirmed, nor was it a text that was a super obvious hookup or booty call type thing.

i think we all want men that we like to be exclusive with us asap. we tend to romanticize the situation, see all these endless possibilities for the future, while forgetting about the here and now. enjoy NOW, and your time with him NOW rather than thinking way ahead. he hasn’t given you reason to axe him. in my opinion, YEAH he probably sent the text to someone else (most likely another girl), but whose to say you wouldn’t accidentally text some random text meant for him that was intended for guy 3?! you just covered your tracks better than he does. to penalize him for it, without blatant rhyme or reason is totally jumping to unnecessary conclusions. if he wants to hang out with you tonight, go for it. let loose, have fun and enjoy your time with him. it says enough that he wants to take time out of his life to hang with you, and down the road if you see GREATER (more significant) red flags, then you re-evaluate your situation. you’re still young…23. when i was 23 in nyc, i went all out, threw all dating rules to the wind. i had my fun. you should too :)

How long have you actually known him? If it is shorter than 6 weeks, cool your jets. What you do is to date him, and to be clear sex is off the table until you are exclusive and you can decide that together. Stop talking about other women, it goes nowhere and makes you look crazy/needy.

I suggest you talk about what you are looking for and ask him the same. You want some form of relationship or open if he meets the right person for his reply.

But I want to call out you are very anxious about this and you will kill it with that energy if you cannot roll with the flow of it being new.

No matter what happens, you have learned to not have conversations about dating others…