Home › Forums › Decoding His Signals / How Does He Feel About Me? › He shows all the signs that he likes me, but won't initiate contact or make move
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April
There is a guy I was acquainted with years ago because I went where he worked a lot, but wasn’t interested back then. We have a lot of mutual friends and at some point became friends on facebook. He recently moved back after living somewhere else for awhile, and I started running into him. He recognized me, and would always stare and smile. He’s older than me and very “popular” in our social circle, so I was scared to ask him out. I worked up the courage to ask him out for coffee, but not as a date, just to talk about a particular topic. We ended up talking for hours and it got very personal and felt like a date. He said to let him know if I wanted to hang out again, but I was still nervous. When he posted something on facebook about a month later about the rough time he was having in his career after moving, I gave him my number and told him to call me if he wanted to talk. He texted soon after, and we set up a time to have lunch, which again went well.
Having mutual friends and frequenting the same venues, we run into each other a lot. He has become increasingly friendly. He always smiles when he sees me, comes and says hi. We always hug goodbye. Hugs have gotten much longer, he holds on tight (once for almost a minute!). He ALWAYS stares at me, like long stares not breaking eye contact until I do, smiling, etc. I’ve observed him, and he seems to get quieter when I come around, but always looks at me. He’s recently started “accidentally” bumping into me, leaning on me if I stand by him.
Basically, I like this guy a lot and feel there is strong mutual attraction. I wouldn’t classify him as shy at all, but he’s not your typical extrovert, he’s somewhat reserved. Maybe there is some shyness in that, or maybe I’m just reading him all wrong but he definitely acts differently to me than other women.
If I text him, he always responds. If I ask to see him, he is responsive, helps plan, and always follows through. He even checked to make sure we were still on when I asked him to come over and watch a movie (I hoped being completely alone would get him to open up, but we just talked and watched a movie). I have been careful to space out my texts, usually we talk once every week or two and I don’t drag on conversations. We’ve hung out alone 3 times in the 3 months or so that we’ve been talking, and quite a few times in public with groups of friends. I feel I’ve made it very clear that I’m interested, but not overbearing. I just can’t figure out how he feels. It seems more and more that he’s starting to like me, but he never tries to talk to me if we’re not in a group setting. What does this mean? Am I acting too much like just a friend by never asking specifically for a date? Is he shy or just taking it slow? Is he just not interested?
Lane
Hi April,
Unfortunately as the saying “you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink” applies here. Its highly possible you’re “projecting” your feelings onto him in hopes he is/will feel the same way about you. The LACK of him initiating and asking you out on dates are the “actions” you always need to focus on.
Trust me, if a man’s interested, shy or not, he will let you know. I recently went on a date with a SUPER SHY guy to the point I was actually YAWNING after an hour as it was like pulling teeth to get him to talk and couldn’t wait to end it. He texted me immediately after asking if I would go out with him again!
Most men place ladies in certain box within a short time of meeting them, e.g., friend only, sex buddy/FWB, or potential GF (after a lot of dates). If you fall into the potential GF box the man will ask you out on a continual basis so he can get to know and feel you out better (like test driving a car). During this “getting to know you phase” he can easily transition a lady to a different box (friend or sex buddy) based solely on how she acts, what she says, etc.
Personally, I think he likes you as a “friend” because if he was interested he would be initiating and scheduling frequent dates with you at least once or twice a week. His ACTIONS of not doing this shows his true interest level in you. Always measure a man’s interest level on how many times he takes you out/schedules dates:
Lots of date = high interest; low to no dates = no interest.
Texting is the worst measurement, as well as how a man acts around you if he’s not asking you out. I just watched it play out this weekend where a friend of a friend had the hots for a guy in my social group and was pawning all over him and he was trying to AVOID HER, albeit nicely, but she couldn’t see it and actually told me “he was into her”! I was just shaking my head going no wonder why you’re single :-(
Lane
As a side note: I have been “blindsided” by some guys I knew who had a secret crush on me that I had no clue about because I thought and treated them only as “a friend”. I never asked them out for a drinks/lunch, initiated contact, or gave them any “signs” of interest which is why they didn’t proceed.
Guys SUCK at hints, so if you want to know where he truly stands then you have to be blunt and straightforward with them. If you want to know then calmly segue it in such as “I’m beginning to really like you” and just wait for his response. He will either politely say something along the lines of “I think you’re a good friend” or “I was hoping you felt the same way I do about you.” You can either end the torture or remain in the friend zone.
kat
I like this guy who I work with. Even give him hint but he still not getting it or is he just not interested. but every time talk to me, he’s seems shy, kinda nervous, blushes, and laugh. I test him about hanging out with friends and he smile, say maybe, then got up start moving around,when he have time, then sit back down…??? What is this mean not interested? ??
kat
Another thing, one of my co worker ask him does she like u, he smile & laugh.he never give a stair answer ???? then she as me I like him, didn’t say nothing bc, rumors..few wk ago me & him talk and he ask me for my last name, I told him look on fb, then he ask what’s my fb name, then I told him he can text or call me in a joke way just to see, he say don’t have your number…is he playing too???
Saraa
If a guy isn’t asking you out, it means he either isn’t interested and you’re reading too much into things or he is interested, but not enough to do something about it. Either way, forget this guy and move on. Nothing is going to happen and you can’t force it.
kat
thank u, I kinda figured that a bit that’s why I decided keep him as a co worker friend. ..thanks:)
katie
Just wondering how to get to know a guy more but don’t want him to think like him that way…friends. ..and should i give my number to him bc he’s shy
Yolanda
Hey um I was seeing this guy and he asked me out and I was hesitant about it at first because of our age and stuff not going to say that age group but I did go for it and he came by and we were watching a movie and we got intimate and he was coming over regularly we will watch movies and we will be intimate we work together so we kind of were keeping it on the down low like our relationship and stuff and so the last time you came by he we were intimate and he was telling you how much he loves me and how much I mean to him and I love him I do but just recently I found another job and we don’t work together anymore so I haven’t heard from him and then when I text him or call him he won’t return either one so I’m not sure what’s going on if he saying he loves me and stuff you know I know that he had worked a lot of hours and everything and he was busy and he does a lot but he does not initiate contact I always have to do it and I’m tired of doing it what do I do I love him
Maria
Sorry, but I disagree that men suck at hints. I find they are very good at hints and can be very subtle themselves. But I agree about not initiating. If they are interested, they want to see you and they would find ways to ask you out or suggest a get together.
Some men enjoy attention and encourage it. Stop initiating and texting and wait. If he does not make a move, then you’d have your confirmation.
Janet
@Yolanda
This guy is using you. Sorry l don’t want to be harsh. If he ‘Loved’ you he would respond and behave in a loving manner. He is not taking you on dates,,has kept you a secret,,its nothing but intimacy when you are together and he’s not replying to you or initiating contact! Trust me,,this man DOES NOT love you. He has said this to keep you on the hook. This is an unpleasant man – get away from him and/or leave him alone. He will hurt you and not care as long as he’s getting sex.Tom
Alright, I’m a guy, and I have literally been doing this same thing with a girl for the last month or so. She hits me up a lot, and I’ll hit her up about the same amount. When we hang out, we get really close a few times and I’ll do just what OP described; long eye contact, accidental brushing up, but I haven’t gone in for a kiss or anything yet. Trust me, this guy likes you, he’s just trying not to be pushy. Mimic his actions, like when he stands close to you, get closer to him etc.
This situation is really frustrating as a guy too. We go through the same thought process, “does she like me back? I can’t tell because she’s not getting closer.” Next time he does that stuff, just grab hold of his shirt and the kiss will come shortly afterword.
As for my situation, I’m just waiting for the moment that she makes it obvious she wants to kiss but fuuuuck she hasn’t done it yet. Hope this helps. Wish me luck!Christy
Men go after what they want. If he’s not asking you on a date, it’s because he’s not interested. Try not to take it personally. He may like you a lot but not see you as a good long-term fit. There’s no way to know how he feels; focus on actions. Bottom line, this guy isn’t asking you out. Forget him and move forward.
Lane
Tom, you really need to make a move! :-)
The last guy I dated was the same way. I initially didn’t see him as a romantic interest because he was being cool, we talked about stuff, and so I just thought he was a nice guy. He invited to me to have Christmas dinner with his crew mates (works on a research ship) and again thought nothing of it other than him learning I had no Christmas plans during one of our discussions and was extending a friendly invite.
After the dinner he walked me to the car and he then planted a big kiss on me!!! I was totally blown away because again I wasn’t even thinking of him that way, and damn he was a good kisser! After that he pretty much made sure I didn’t have time to date any guys…in fact became ‘too needy’ and let him go.
Man up :-)
Heather
Tom, thanks for speaking up. I’m also currently in this kind of situation. It’s only a couple weeks in, but I’ve initiated everything. He’s the one that admitted he had a crush on me 1st though. He said something about not being quite ready for a relationship, but we’ve had fun the few times we’ve hung out. I’m not trying to “smother” him by texting him every day. I’ll give it a rest for a day or 2 and then we’ll have a short “hey, how are you” chat. We agree we want to keep hanging out, but I’m teetering in my thoughts of he’s probably too shy to make the next move or he really isn’t ready. Ugh. Don’t want to scare him off by being pushy or not showing enough interest. It’s a fine line, this one! Maybe “use your words” & just tell him/her applies best in this case? All the luck in the world to you Tom! I see my guy again tomorrow night!
L
How old is this post? Isn’t this the same Tom who now claims he is happily married for 20 plus years and has a BFF girlfriend?
dori
Tom, is that you? I have this problem with a guy named Tom. It’s all great, we have a great time… We’ve been on dates (and it was clear that they were regular dates, not just hanging out) and no kiss! Last time I was really hoping for a kiss :( And I don’t know what it is… Either:
1) he is too shy
2) he treats me too seriously, and he doesn’t want to go too fast (not sure if that’s a possibility for men, but maybe – if he really respects me and sees me as a long-term material)
3) he changed his mind and decided that I am a friend material only.
Made me wondering if I did something wrong… to make him change his mind. But he keeps scheduling dates, we remain in touch, he is very nice.Also, you people always underline that girls should not initiate. I am not sure. With Tom, for instance, I sometimes think that I should – just to encourage him. I guess for some guys it may be frustrating and stressful too if they are the only ones who initiate contact. If I were a guy, I would definitely wonder ‘maybe she’s not that into me’.
DJ
I am in a same situation. This guy in my work place keeps staring at me, he turn arround look at me when ever he is passing by my desk. His friends have a smirk on their faces when I enter the cafeteria or when they look at me, they tease him when he is looking at me (I can see that from far ). Even many of my collegues told me that he keeps looking at me. He looks pretty confident and open with all his teammates and other women. He makes sure I look at him when he is passing by and when i look he look down or look away with a smile (blush) and walks away, and sometimes he looks at me from far and when I catch him looking he goes red nods his head squinting his head (like …ohh noo). Sometimes he totally ignores me. Its been going on for months now, but he never talks to me. Just keep looking at me. I smile when I look at him too (I am a very shy person) and I tried saying hi to him but he dint reply(or may be he dint hear me). Does like me?? Or he just likes the attention??
Nat
No guy is that shy. If he wanted to he would have already talked to you ten times. There is probably something stopping him, he has a GF a BF or something else. You can smile politely if you walk by but do not start a conversation yourself.
Crisula
Post from 2014
Shannon
I’m sorry, he’s not interested in anything other than friendship from you. He’s never asked you out, and you’re usually the one who initiates your hang outs. It has been months and he’s never made a move on you, never tried to kiss you, bring you home, asked you on a date. You say he’s popular in your social circle. He is not socially awkward, especially not if he’s texting you and hanging out with you. You’re friend zoned.
laura
Hi . Well the thing is that i always read about signs and stuff so i’ve got confused , there is this guy that ,as they say, everything I’ve ever wanted. And he’s a third year and am sec year. I’ve liked him for almost one year and actually started talking for a month .i tried my best to become known for him so I started talking to his friends and be wherever he was until we actually started talking , at first he commented saying that I’ve much prettier ,after pointing that I’ve gained some weight, cuz I said that I spent all summer sleeping . After that he was smiling and looking at me ,also teasing me , and once I was talking with my friend and he was standing and then he was playing with my hair . And when I told him that I was sick , he asked my gf about me the next day , and the day after when I met him he was like how are you? And what was wrong and stuff like that . And one day out of nowhere he started ignoring for the whole day , and when I was talking to our mutual friend (girl) he came said hi to her and was like I forgot her name , and he was talking about me like I wasn’t there and I gave him question sign with my eyes which he noticed it but acted like he didn’t. The next day I came and I saw him in a room that I’ve entered into. And I saw him and saw me and I walked out . After that I met him next to the door and I literally ignored him (he was walking with his friends) , and he stopped in front of me and poked my shoulder and when I looked at him he said goof morning and left. After that I treated him differently just smile when I see him after that he made move he came directly to me saying can I borrow your phone, and when I gave to him he took about 10m and came back , then he said thank you and before leaving he was like , can u tell me your name again? (I was with two of my girl friends) . I told him my name and that it . After that he seemed to be around me much. Smiles alot says hi and sometimes he ignore me like he didn’t see me but when I act like I didn’t see him he poke me or say something, lately I send him msg in fb saying nice selfie. And he wasn’t engaged in the conversation, the next morning he sent me inv , and I accepted it , yet the problem it that I texted him twice (after 2 or 3 days without talking) . First to welcome him in ma fb and the sec asking about js frnd (girl ) that was sick . And after that nothing happen , he says hi and asks about how i am when we meet yet never texted me (even when i was crying a day ) he asked what was wrong and I said that u wasn’t good and said another time that I wish u get better . And never texted that night . And tdy I was looking good and I met him and he was with his frnd and they both smiled when they saw me and he was like are better now? And I said that I was and I was smiling so was he and his frnd too said that I was always positive and then he said no she was good yesterday . And he was around me all day and felt like he was chasing me and he was talking with a girl like he wants me to see it .
The thing is that his frnd (guy) was my frnd and said that he liked me but I didn’t and some prblms happened so are not talking anymore, so I think that his frnd told him and that way he’s hesitating , plus thinking about that the day that he started ignoring me I had a fight with his frnd the day before and he always gives me that guilty look like he wants to talk but something is holding him back , plus I can be little hard to talk to because I only say hi , and walk by cuz I can’t talk for long time with him, I feel awkward like that if he likes me he would’ve tried more . Soooooooooooooooo please help meCrisula
Laura
You need to start your own new thread. Just copy and paste your question.
This thread is 3 years old and it’s not yourslaura
Well ,crisula, I tried to find where to write my question, yet I didn’t find where . Where should I enter or click .Because I tired all of the options right above and I didn’t get any space to write
VANESSA
Laura – click on forum up top, then click on a category, then scroll all the way down to where you’ll see a text box like where you typed in here.
They really should make it easier to find the way to post your own question.
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