Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › He slept with ex, and that made him realize he is falling for me?
- This topic has 42 replies and was last updated 5 years, 7 months ago by
Carolyn.
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Khadija
Yes, Ivy you really made a great point.
Lane, I didn’t see it from that angle….I appreciate you sharing that.Jenny
Listen, these things suck sometimes. I sadly had to walk away from a millionaire who rolled around in a maserati because I HEARD he was doing shady shit behind my back. I had already invested a little bit emotionally and I even though he would be the one I ended up with… I wavered back and forth whether or not to let it go but I just realized NOTHING is worth my dignity as a person, yes, we’re all only human, we all make mistakes, but I’m responsible for my decisions and am the only one who will face the consequences. The divorce rate these days is almost laughable and it’s because people can’t help but be driven by emotions which is completely normal, but it takes a deeper strength to be driven by your values and I’m a firm believer that once you know what your core values are as a person, decisions aren’t hard… The follow through is a real b*tch but from that perspective, you always know the right answer
Ivy
@Jenny, “I’m a firm believer that once you know what your core values are as a person, decisions aren’t hard… The follow through is a real b*tch but from that perspective, you always know the right answer”
This is brilliant!!!!! WOW, just wow!!!! You are just so so right in this. And yes, follow through is tough…but I like your wording better. Just an awesome quote, I am going to to remember that one!!!
Serena
“…people can’t help but be driven by emotions which is completely normal, but it takes a deeper strength to be driven by your values and I’m a firm believer that once you know what your core values are as a person, decisions aren’t hard… The follow through is a real b*tch but from that perspective, you always know the right answer.”
Jenny, I liked that…it’s very true and very well put.
Jenny
Ivy, thanks! :) It’s honestly made me beyond miserable at times but it’s also brought me peace of mind knowing that I’m being true to who I am at my core and attempting to lead the most fulfilling life possible. You can never have all the answers but with a solid foundation it’s just easier to appreciate and be able to handle all the beautiful chaos life throws at you
Jenny
Thank you also Serena, you guys are making me blush
alia
Yay Jenny!!
Ivy
Jenny, Yes, you are right in that it can make one miserable sometimes to give up things we want in favor of our values, but that is really just the short-term pain. And the pain of living outside of your values is far greater. It’s a real tough balance cause it sometimes can mean giving up something that one wants now, in favor of something one really wants later. And sometimes whatever you want now is kinda hard to give up when you are still waiting for that real thing you want later, but it’s worth sticking to one’s values.
Ivy
And ugh….crazy as it is, I am writing this text and my Mr. Doesn’t want a Relationship that I ended with no-contact a few months ago just texts me out of the clear blue sky, and I guess the Universe likes to really test people. Thanks Universe, funny joke.
Lane
No Jenny.
It did work for me as we got married 2.5 years later and that lasted over 20 years. He did it with his soon to be ex wife right when we started dating as he was struggling with those “what if” feelings. It not uncommon for exes to wonder if they made the right choice and if they may have jumped the gun so to speak. Like the OP said it was a “last ditch effort” and he realized that he longer wanted to be with her and sometimes one needs to take that FINAL STEP to fully know if you made the right decision before they can move forward—he wants to move forward not go backwards like mine did.
Its up to her but I don’t think she should bail on him and at least give him a second chance—it may work out, it may not, but if she doesn’t try she’ll never know.
Lane
BTW he NEVER once cheated on me during the 20 years of our marriage, sadly he became an alcoholic in out 10th year but I have zero regrets as I married the RIGHT MAN I just don’t he would get sick with alcoholism later on. BIG sigh.
Jenny
I’m sorry to hear that Lane. To each their own, I can absolutely agree to disagree. Each individual has their own wants and desires thus, there’s a spectrum of differing opinions. That’s why these forums are helpful. I’m glad you feel you found the right person for you and were able to experience him for as long as you did!
Lissy
All of you are so insightful – wish we could get together for a cup of coffee!!!! So many valid points, but there probably isn’t a right answer, is there? To answer one of your questions, he separated last February and his divorce was just finalized last August – so yes it is a little early I guess. He came over for dinner tonight and we talked. He said he has done a lot of introspection in the past few days, and has realized how awesome I am (lol). He said he was caught off guard – that he thought he would be on the dating scene for a while. I didn’t want to hear anything about him sleeping with the ex so we didn’t discuss that any further. All I said about that was that if we had been in an exclusive relationship I would not tolerate it, and he agrees. He wants to have an exclusive relationship with me and frankly, that’s what I want. I don’t think I can handle multi-dating. He seems to be a wonderful father to his kids ( I haven’t met them yet but they are doing great in school and he talks about them all the time so obviously an important part of his life), has a great career, is extremely handsome, and I feel really comfortable with him. I also feel he is honest (to a fault, maybe – if he had kept his slip up to himself we wouldn’t be having this problem). I feel like I can trust him. He’s ready for me to meet his children. So that’s it – we’re going for it. I am hoping for the best. Thank you all so very much – and hopefully you can learn from my mistakes.
Robo
I’m in a similar situation, I have just found out that my partner slepted with his ex 2 weeks after being together it’s a year later and he has a child with this woman but I’m also pregnant I was so sure of things but now I just feel sick and he said well it confirmed my feelings for you and he has apologised but I have no idea what to do if it wasn’t for being pregnant and the sake of his other child I would of kicked him out can someone give me advice please
Raven
You can still kick him out!
Warasen
Sounds like a good guy, honest and up front. You 2 just meet and he’s figuring out what he wants. He certainly didn’t “cheat” on you.
hs
it never fails to surprise me what ridiculously low standards women expect and accept from men. oh you weren’t exclusive, he’s free to sleep with anyone, he certainly didn’t cheat on you…. good grief!…. if i’m sleeping with a man, you can bet on it i expect him to be exclusive (which is different from committed), if he sleeps with another woman during this time, we’re done. Seriously? how hard can it be to keep your d… out of other women whilst getting to know one to decide if you want to commit to a relationship, or rather call it quits?
Carolyn
A similar situation happened to me. When I first started dating, we were both coming out of failed marriages. He slept with his ex. I accepted it. We were married for 25 years. We are very happy and I trusted him 100%. I believe coming out of a failed relationship your emotions are all over the place . Every situation is different.
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