He still has feeling for ex

How long had they been divorced before he started dating you?

Ugh. If she’s still barking up his tree after 5 years, that’s a bad sign (of people not fully dealing with their issues). Moreso if he’s entertaining it. He needs to figure out what he wants, but if he doesn’t reasonably quickly choose you and tell her to back off, then you should walk. Yes, they were together a long time and have children and history, but if the relationship went so poorly that he said may never want to get married again yet he STILL needs to figure things out with her… at best, they were co-dependent and at worst it was extremely unhealthy and he didn’t finish processing what happened. Neither of those bode well for him being ready for a relationship with you.

Give him a minute to choose you and show you he can have healthy boundaries and wants to prioritize being with you. Out of respect for the relationship he has with you, he should be choosing not to talk to her at this point except about necessary family things related directly to the kids (everyone’s an adult, but I assume there may be overlapping family gatherings occasionally). At least he was being honest with you and not hiding anything, and maybe her contact threw him for a loop but he’ll regain his composure and really is done with her. But start to back off and protect yourself if he stays “confused” in any way. Just because he has residual feelings doesn’t mean he needs to indulge in them, he’s a grown man and can choose what he wants. If he hasn’t kicked her and her new overtures to the curb soon, then walk.

I wouldn’t just walk yet.

Five years post divorce is a good a bit of time to get over an ex. I’m sure it felt good to his ego to hear his ex essentially grovel but I don’t think he would consider a “do over” at this point in time as he appears to have fully moved on when he told you the chance was slim.

If I were you, I would take a big step back. Let him not only FEEL what his life without you in it would feel like but to also give him some time to process his feelings for his ex before you re-engage.

This happened to me when dating my (now ex) husband. He was still torn, as he still had residual feelings for his ex post divorce which is a very normal emotion to have. He needed to sort out his feelings, and make sure he made the right decision before he could fully move on, or not. When he saw her, he said he immediately KNEW he didn’t love her, that he was *in love* with me, and couldn’t wait to tell me!

That ex tried to interlude in our marriage at various times over our 20+ year marriage but he NEVER got back with her, even after our divorce, as she was bat sh!t crazy lol.