Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › He stopped contacting me – performance issues?
- This topic has 6 replies and was last updated 4 years, 5 months ago by
Sensy.
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Lara
My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years and while we have had a few bumps in the road everything is pretty good between us. Things have been normal but he suddenly is not reaching out to me. He will answer if I text but he won’t text me. In the past he would reach out most mornings to say good morning and then we would text lightly during the day or have a phone call if we weren’t going to be able to see each other. Some days we wouldn’t text at all but that was fine too.
This all started about a week and a half ago and I got a little concerned because he goes through some minor bouts of depression here and there so I called to see if he was ok. He said he was but just seemed agitated and I felt he was picking issues with everything I said so I ended the call and let it go. Next day nothing so I texted good morning and we had a nice normal chat then talked on the phone so I think great, we are back on track. Then the next two days nothing again so at some point I reach out and say hello and he responds with Hi and that’s it. It’s just not like him.
Concurrently, two weeks ago we had sex and he couldn’t get hard for the first time ever in our relationship. He has a lot of pride in his “prowess” shall we say. We managed to have sex but he was only halfway hard throughout it. I didn’t say anything about it and everything was normal afterwards. Then last weekend we had sex again and he had erection issues again. We did have sex but he had trouble staying hard and there was no round two which is the usual for us. This is when he stopped communicating in the same fashion that has be the norm for us.
I don’t know what to do… things going through my mind:
Is he sick of being the one to reach out first everyday?
Is he upset about his performance?
Is he losing interest in me completely?I’m not sure how to raise this with him because I’m afraid of hearing that he is losing interest and no longer finds me attractive. Everything has been fine until these two times…
Newbie
If you have been together for a few years already, cant you just leave him alone for a bit while he sort things out? This is over a week of him being shorter and less communicative. So let him stew for a bit. No need to chase him down to ask whats wrong, certainly not about his penis.
From what you are saying it could be some sort of depression. So dont start with making this about you right away. Give it 2 more weeks and be light when he contacts you.Lara
Thanks Newbie that’s good advice… I will completely back off. He is not even responding anymore. I’m not texting asking him what’s wrong.. just sent a pic of what I am doing which we always do and he always responds but nothing today.
I won’t text him again… this is so hard… I don’t know what’s wrong with him but I can’t ask him again or I will just become annoying.
T from NY
You can definitely seek clarity at some point – but for now I agree to let him be. There’s definitely something up whenever a partner changes the way they normally communicate. But you have no idea if it has anything to do with your relationship or he just needs to work out some of his own stuff. You say you’ve been together a few years – is there a reason you’re not living together or engaged? I only ask because some times – unless both parties agree they will not marry and there are good reasons to live separately – not progressing the relationship can be a red flag. If more than a week goes by and he continues zero contact and doesn’t make plans to see you – you deserve an explanation and it would totally be reasonable to expect him to tell you SOMETHING about where his head is. Until then refocus on you. Keep busy and let him be. Wish you luck
Lane
Agree with others in that the best thing to do is the OPPOSITE of what you want to do. Let him MISS YOU for a bit and fully feel what his life without you in feels like. Couples need time apart ya know. Being in each others pockets day-to-day can get tiring where sometimes you just need a *me break* but don’t always know how to express it because when you’re in a funk sometimes you just want to be left alone.
I would completely pull back and stop trying to fix it as you could very well be making it worse. Give him the space he’s screaming for but not able to say it because he may not have the words to describe what he needs and probably afraid if he says the wrong thing you’re going to freak out and/or grill him to death. He’s in his man cave, and if you give him some room he’ll spring back faster (look up rubber band theory).
I raised two sons and trust me, as a mom (woman) it was difficult to understand their need for space. I learned to adjust and just gave it to them because I noticed they sprang back much quicker than peppering them to death with a bunch of questions, especially how their *feeling* because that’s something men aren’t really good at expressing so best to just leave them to fix/solve it on their own.
Lara
Thank you T and Lane… I will let him be. He did text this morning and everything seems ok but I will just follow his lead for now and not make a big deal of it. Thank you all for taking me off the ledge!
Sensy
Try to brave and face your fears head on. It makes you stronger. Everything happens for a reason and you cannot force what is not meant to be. There may possibly someone wonderful and more right in your future…waiting.
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