Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › He told me he’ s bad at sex!
- This topic has 2 replies and was last updated 2 years, 9 months ago by
Raven.
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Annabel
I met a guy on tinder. After a few messages he told me that he isn’t looking for a hookup and wants a real relationship, besides and I quote: “I’m very bad at sex, I don’t like it”. I felt so sorry for him, I tried to tell him that I’m sure he could fix his problem. He said that I’m very polite and a rare girl for reacting like this. Anyway, we started talking and it was very well, but I couldn’t forget what he had told me. Later on, he explained to me the issue and I realised that if we ever had sex I wouldn’t enjoy it. So, I explained him my concern quite honestly. I told him that when he begins a convo with such a statement how does he expect to have something further than a friendship? What would it mean for me as a woman to be OK with no sexual pleasure within the relationship? At that he became furious, he said that I should have told him when he first informed me that it would be a deal-breaker. I felt so bad! I enjoyed our convos, it was awkward to tell him anything before I was ready but at the same time I feel bad because it’s as if I strung him along or no reason. I’m very sad.. After not receiving any message I deleted my account, tinder wasn’t my thing anyway. But right now, I am very sad because I didn’t want to hurt him and I did… He seemed a nice guy and maybe it was a need for validation, pity perhaps, but now I’ve made things so much worse for him and his psychology. Am I a bad person? I never had a guy confess his sexual problems and all I wanted was to help him…
Maddie
This is not on you! He was oversharing with you in a way that suggests he has very bad boundaries, as you had not even met in person to see if you had a real connection. You can’t tell that from a couple messages! In addition, he made everything about sex immediately. Yes, physical intimacy is very important, but bringing it up before you even go on a date is always a red flag. If you hit it off in person on a first date, then bring it up if it’s important enough that it may be a dealbreaker, but it’s very presumptuous things would even get that far after only a few messages.
I started wondering if he says this so that women will jump in to bed offering to try to fix it? Or if he’s so insecure that he’s leading with it right away to scare women away and sabotage himself? He would not be sabotaging himself intentionally, it would be subconscious, but it’s all a giant red flag of someone not mature enough to be ready for a relationship.
So you didn’t string him along just because you chatted. You hadn’t even met! And you’re not a bad person. Just don’t jump in when online strangers start rushing along to very intimate and personal details way too early. You’re right, if you knew there was a major incompatibility you should not pursue things (again, chatting a bit without ever meeting and then deciding and saying this won’t work for you isn’t pursuing in bad faith!), but talking about sex and major health or emotional issues IMMEDIATELY without establishing a connection and real trust first is a big red flag that something is off.
Raven
Sorry @Annabel, You will find a lot of Bat Sh!t Crazies on-line… You didn’t hurt him, he’s a turd who gets off blaming women for his shortcomings. I smell a misogynist.
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