He vanished!

Oh and one of the pics was shirtless, WTF? lol

I’m glad you were able to get that closure for yourself.
He’ll probably keep contacting you from time to time but, I wouldn’t give it any attention.
You know your worth and just remember some lucky guy will see that too and treat you right.

Rose, I’m sorry to say, you opened yourself for this because you responded to his “provocation” and got into it with him. He is picking up your ambivalent feelings – which are very obvious and are the real reason you contacted him – and that’s why this is happening. He didn’t try to torture you. YOU are torturing YOU. He walked away after 4 dates. That said it all. And as another poster said, 4 dates is only 4 dates. But you didn’t want to accept that because you were into him. So it ate you all this time and you went and picked at it and now you’re indignant and blaming him. You’re driving yourself bats and you have to STOP IT because there is nothing for you to wrap your head around. He liked you but the distance to drive was too much for him. You have to be extra careful with men online. He threw too much at you too soon. The recently divorced ones have a way of doing that. This is just basic human psych 101 – you want what you can’t have, never mind the fact that it’s no good for you. You DO care that he didn’t want to be with you or you wouldn’t have gone back three months later to revisit this. I’m not trying to be hard on you or hurt you. I’m sorry to hear you’re hurting. When you understand what another poster said is “high value woman” and become that, this stuff won’t even get to you. Hugs to you and I hope you can get past this pronto girlfriend.

Pasito, you just revealed a dirty little secret of internet dating. Once I contacted a guy who lived 10 miles from me and he said no thanks, looking for a woman within a 2 mile radius of my house. Seriously. I wished him luck finding true love within his geographical boundaries. With a straight face.

One more thing, maybe varies from man to man. I had a FWB driving 45 min back and forth at 3 in the morning for a year and he stopped cause I ended it, so it is a factor but there’s still men willing to go the distance

Lynda – I wonder how he went? Maybe he’s married now to someone he doesn’t find all that interesting =)

Yeah, i know now. I was probably too receptive and he was just too cute and sweet and nice and that plus hormones just clouded both our judgments … He was getting emotional too so he stepped away like every rational guy.

I’ll be way more careful next time. A guy that I’m kinda talking to (kinda because he insisted even after I decided to take a break) thinks I’m not interested in him because I don’t seem too emotional or excited, see? Who understands men???

Lynda – yeah that one

Hey Rose. Just a quick word cos u got it all covered here with everyone else. Never, ever put the blame on yourself when these guys ghost, fade etc. They have the problem, not you remember that. A guy doesn’t just bail or stop texting cos u don’t reply fast enough or say the wrong thing. They have issues ! lol major issues. What they are will be on an individual basis but issues all the same. It could be commitment issues, fear of getting hurt, not wanting to step up and make the effort of a relationship oh the lsit goes on. Anyway these guy are going to ghost no matter what you do, you could be the hottest, coolest girl on the planet but if their heads elsewhere they wont see it. Anyway my point being don’t give your precious time and energy trying to work out these flip flappers as they really don’t deserve this from you. And don’t engage with this guy any more, hes a time waster for sure. Good luck x

It was a joke, but okay, good for you.

Thank you so much to all of you ladies, you are seeing things from a logical point of view, I’m still love intoxicated with this man and It’s hard to see clearly, I know…

He’s probably afraid of losing his freedom to me and still wants to prove to himself he’s a stud able to pick up any chick but that’s his problem and it’s so stupid at 42 or 44 I don’t even know for sure.

I get scared too with men, I do not want to settle down, not because I want to be living la vida loca but because living with someone is really hard work and requires a lot of patience plus monotony kills love, I say I am ready but once things start feeling real I ruin everything out of fear. Maybe he feels the same and I can understand that.

Rose, men ghost because they don’t feel safe telling a woman how they really feel. It may not be anything YOU did. It may just be life experience that taught him that the poo hits the fan if you tell a woman something she doesn’t want to hear. People learn not to poke a hornet’s nest real fast once they’ve been stung, right?

I can’t say I approve of men doing this but if you look around, you’ll see that it is happening to almost everyone now. I see quite a few bad habits that women are developing as well. It then becomes harder and harder to develop a relationship, even with two good people who actually want the same things.

You already know why he stopped communication with you. I applaud your courage, honey. It takes a lot of strength to do that, knowing that you may be hurt by what happens.

He responded with honesty because you showed him that you ARE safe to talk to. That he can tell you the truth and he felt safe doing so.

You know how to keep drama to a minimum and are a mature and sensible lady. NOW he feels safe with you. And honestly, that is all most men truly want from a woman. I think most girls don’t realize that men have just as many issues as we do and can be hurt too. They need to feel like you are safe and comfortable to be around, exactly like we need. And there are many ways we can show them this so that they don’t feel the need to disappear. I have never had a man do it to me. Women can learn how to prevent it from happening to them too.

In his rather appallingly clumsy way, he is trying to get back what he lost with you. I had to laugh at him thinking a shirtless picture would help entice you into wanting to be with him again. I know plenty of women who text pics of their breasts to men to do the same thing. Just be happy the picture wasn’t of anything below the belt and try to see the humor in it. lol

It is up to you whether or not you choose to be with him and to work through his issues together. That is the biggest thing here. People CAN grow and heal from their pasts if they have someone willing to be a team with them and do what it takes to make it through it. It isn’t easy. But it IS possible. Most women just give up. They do not want to learn to be a better partner and they want their man to come to them whole and perfect.

But in this world, no one is whole or perfect. We all have baggage and a past that can be hard to get over. He does sound like a good guy who has just developed poor behavior habits. He let his past dictate his behavior toward you.

What is learned can be unlearned. No one is perfect. And it is up to you to decide if you want to be with someone who needs to do some growing or if you’d rather protect yourself and move on to try someone else.

My husband of nearly 20 years had some difficult issues with women. It could easily have torn us apart. I saw underneath it that he was worth it and we got through it together. And we’re still ridiculously happy after all these years. People often ask us if we’re newlyweds.

I am not saying to give this man another chance. Only you can decide that. I just wanted to provide a little bit clearer picture so you can make a decision based on what really goes on in a man’s head. I see a horrifying amount of misunderstanding and miscommunication happening these days. Texting is really a terrible way to communicate in new relationships. There are few guidelines on how to do it well so things don’t fall apart due to lousy communication.

I’d like to help as many women as possible to see what is really behind the things that happen so you can all have great relationships too. :)

You did not do anyting wrong, but four dates means you reallly did not KNOW the man, so really you didn’t know if he’d stick around or not.

I posted about women having sex too soon on this topic “My pillow still smells like his cologne, he already blocked me from WhatsApp ” please read it as it applies to you as well.