He vanished/ghosted after 5 months

Someone who treats you like that is not worthy of you. He treated you disrespectfully and is a coward by disappearing. This is not the kind of person you want in your life.

I know it hurts, but remember the way any person treats someone else is a reflection of their own inner dynamic and character. In time, you would have seen more of him that probably would have made you realize he is not the person for you.

I would suggest going NC for now. Do not attempt to reach out to him any more. Block his number, delete any connections on social media, and ghost him. Work on healing yourself and moving on with your life.

In time, you will realize he has done you a big favor.

I really just want an answer, an explanation, closure. I can’t believe that I wasn’t at least worthy of an answer or an explanation after 5 months

He is ignoring you. That is your answer. Silence can speak more eloquently than words some times. Would you rather him tell you again that he’s playing PS4 (whatever that is)?

Many times we can’t get the kind of closure we want. Just know that you have your closure.

This man has been treating you like you are not worthy of him. It’s actually the other way around.. he is not worthy of you. Maybe he sensed that and left. Whatever the reason, don’t obsess about why he left. Move on to meet someone who is worthy of you.

And I would like to point out that a lot of people are going to say that taking back your power comes from being silent. But really, I feel like when I walk away quiet, the ghosters never get the message that they did something wrong. They just get the message that I must not have cared, either. And so they continue on ghosting. Maybe my last message to my ghosters will never change them, but I’d rather give it a shot than just sacrifice the next girl to the same bs.

How does reaching out to someone who is ignoring you give your power back? I’m confused by the logic. Th person chooses to not communicate and so you tell him ‘ok, I won’t comunciate you you anymore.?’ Huh? He already made that decision for you.

I think sending this message was really a way to get him to communicate or give an explanation. I see no power in reaching out to someone who disappeared on you to let them know that now you will disappear on him? But hey if it makes you feel better. Silence speaks way louder than words many times.

How does telling someone off , who is ignoring you and may have even blocked you, a way of teaching him a lesson?

All it shows is that you were more emotionally invested in him than he was with you. So he gets the satisfaction of having you yell at him, because a woman who didn’t care wouldn’t go through all the drama.

If a person decides to ghost on you, it isn’t rolling over to accept it and move on.

All I can picture is th guy getting such a text, rolling his eyes, and deleting it. Might even have a laugh at it.

A man that disappears on you isn’t going to get taught any lesson by you giving him a piece of your mind, but if that make s you sleep better, than have at it.

Kayla, I actually addressed the fact that people would come back and say that “silence is more powerful.”

1) Ghosting is not just something that happens sometimes. It’s becoming a cultural norm. And every time a good woman, or man, just keeps their mouth shut about someone ghosting them after 5 months, or a year, or whatever, they’re indicating that it’s okay. How is silence powerful when it makes something grotesque okay?

2) Why pretend like you feel okay or that you don’t care if you really do? Pretending like it doesn’t hurt doesn’t help people. It makes us all forget to be humans with feelings. And I’ve never actually seen it work; people become more bitter, more jaded…but they’re never just okay. How is silence powerful when all you want to do is scream?

3) If they really don’t care about you, then it really doesn’t matter what you do. Except that you’re doing it for yourself. I sent my ex that text because I needed closure and that’s how I gave it to myself.

4) Most people who ghost after 4-5 months or longer love to ghost because they know that even when they’re gone from your life they get to control your mind and your emotions. Sending that type of text message says, “You’re gone.” They don’t get that power anymore. And even if it’s just for the person sending the text, that’s a very powerful statement to make. The sender is putting in writing that this person is gone. That they don’t get to come back. And they’re saying it to that person who hurt them.

She may never get a response, and I really actually hope she doesn’t. Because then she got to have the last word. She got to say, “Nope.”

Amy, I completely agree with you.

I used to be in the “don’t give him the satisfaction of a reaction” camp.

But, I feel that letting them off the hook that easily and not calling them out on their wrong behavior just encourages this extremely poor behavior to continue. They’ll do it again, and again, and again, unless called out on it. If enough of us call men out on this (and women) then eventually it will stop being a cultural norm.

When I came “of age” in the nineties, yes, there were people that handled breakups this way, but it was socially condemned. Now it’s become routine and I think there is something really wrong with that…people have become disposable. The term “narcissism” gets bandied out a lot, but I wonder if this current climate of social media, Instagram, hooking up etc…is creating narcissists.

Also, by not telling him off you are leaving the door open for him to walk back in. Pretty much everyone who has been ghosted has had the ghoster come back, full of apologies that appeal to your ego…they made a mistake, you’re special, they’ve never stopped thinking of you…and many times we weaken and let them back in only to find ourselves heartbroken when they ghost again.

I think it’s better to shut that darn door.

i agree with you Shannon– not saying anything could lead them to believe you are foolishly hoping they will get back in touch with you, I’d make it VERY CLEAR I never wanted anything to do with them again….if they can’t be bothered to formally close the door, I’ll slam it right after them.

I’m sure I’ve just been lucky— and largely been in LTR/not done much online dating– I’m a wrong in assuming much of the ghosting is from guys met online? That is my perception based on hearing friend’s stories / reading here.

I’ve also mostly dated guys in the same profession as me, so even when it’s gone nowhere, neither of us want to be rude/burn a bridge…

Yes, Maria, my experience with ghosting was a guy I met online. Not always the case, but my theory is that if you don’t see the guy in your daily life it’s a lot easier for him to vanish. In the “olden days” you met the guy in your daily life so he couldn’t vanish on you…you worked with him, had mutual friends, when to the same stores…there was a common ground there. It still happened, but nowhere near as often as today.