Home › Forums › Break Up Advice › He verbally abuses me in public
- This topic has 11 replies and was last updated 5 years, 1 month ago by
Heather.
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Tina
My boyfriend of over a year is so verbally abusive towards me I cant take it anymore. Whenever we argue he will swear at me and call me names and now it’s in public too. Hes done it infront of my friends and just today we was out shopping and he was telling me to f* off calling me a bitch in the street because he was annoyed I turned up late to meet him to go to his sisters for her birthday. I had just got off a nightshift i had 4 hours sleep and rushed down to meet him. When we met he walked straight past me. I asked him why he didnt greet me and he said I hadn’t greeted him. His attitude was horrible then he started cursing and everyone was looking at us and he kept walking off I was trying to go after him and he was still going on. He just doesnt care where we are if hes angry he will say what he wants its draining. He can be a lovely sweet guy but when we get into an argument the abuse is bad to the point where I’ve lost feelings for him. Since it happened today he hasn’t even called me to even apologise. Usually I would call him but I haven’t i just feel like I’ve had enough. He sent me texts earlier saying i was wrong not to go with him to his sisters after the row and trying to make me feel guilty but after the way he was speaking to me how could I just act normal? I had to try and get my money he owed me after I lent him over 150.00 to buy my birthday presents because he was broke and couldnt afford to get me anything so he asked for a loan as he doesnt work after I finally got it back I just went home and not heard from him since.
If I’m at his and we argue he will shout so loud for neighbous to hear, shouting abuse then tells me to get out. It’s just draining and then he turns me into that kind of person where I’m going to his level and I’m not like that. I’m a very reserved person I dont do drama infront of people it’s made me feel so bad. I told him it was over earlier because he upset me so much. He could see me crying and I went home crying but he blamed me for it even said he was going to block me because i deserve it I’m embarrassing. I feel so bad right now. Hes nearly 50 I thought he would be more mature.
Joanne
Tina, that sounds absolutely terrible. If he’s been like this for some time, I don’t think he’s going to change. You need to find ways to become independent of this man.
Your story sounds familiar, have you posted here before about this man and his toxic behavior? This sounds like something that has bothered you before – that should be an indication that he’s not about to change anytime soon.
Raven
Why do you put up with this?
Next comes the hitting…Kirstie
In my experience he will only get worse, not better. Don’t put up with vile behaviour just because he is able to control himself at other times. I don’t even think you should try to discuss this with him, just leave him. He may continue to be abusive after you leave him so I would recommend calling on friends/family for support during this period, or keep posting here for moral support from the community.
anon
So you are dating a man past his prime who needed to borrow money from you for your birthday gift who also berates you in public.
He needs to be an EX, you can do better, even if it means being alone.
Khadija
Leave now because it only gets worse.
He is giving you a preview of what life will be like should you stick around.One day he will really lose it and then starts the hitting.
Dangerouse
So much like my ex longtime boyfriend. I have been away from him for a couple of years now.
Believe me, nobody will ever talk to me that way again!!! One hint of rudeness or bossy and I laugh and turn my back instantly and proud of it.
Hes not going to apologize, HE’S NOT SORRY. He believes you deserve it. He’s an ugly person. Be strong.
kaye
Oh sweetie you can do SO much better! I was already going to tell you to dump the guy as I’m reading your post but when I got to the party where he was 50 I was seriously like…are you kidding? A grown man with anger issues who can’t afford $150 for a birthday present and doesn’t work?!? What is even attractive about that? If you don’t have your sh@t together by 50 it’s never going to happen! This man is set in his ways and isn’t going to change. Any man who will call you names and berate you in public is going to end up doing much worse in private!! And if you accept it your life will become a living Hell!!
Please don’t lend men money in the future especially not to buy your own gifts!!
kaye
part not party
Tina
Thanks for your replys. I have put up with it for long enough and the fact we are still quite early on in the relationship says it all. This started happening a couple months in. I should have walked away then he was also lying to me about other women. He was still seeing one 2 months into relationship and just recently after promising that no one from the past brings irvtexts his phone I found out he was talking to another ex and he wont change his number after telling me he would. I feel so unhappy right now and just recently hes been telling me about my job because I work 12 hour shifts at night that it’s not right I should be at home at night it’s not good for my relationship and after 14 years was thinking about giving it up. I can just feel that everytime I talk to him I’m just not happy. I have had doubts for a while and I think it’s just been habit.
H.
Him being in his 50s makes that whole thing more terrible, Tina. That’s a nightmare and I don’t think anyone deserves that kind of treatment.
Listen to those people in above replies and leave him.Working night shifts is already hard without him yelling at you. If he has such a issue with you working long night shifts then he should be helping you by cooking and other chores to make your life a bit easier.
My heart aches just by reading your problem.Heather
Oh Tina, I feel like you might be talking about my ex. I put up with his emotionally abusive, borderline behavior for months, even though he showed his true colors almost immediately. Even after we broke up I gave him many chances to act decently as a friend, and he couldn’t even pull that off. I loaned him hundreds of dollars, which of course I never saw again. Recently I found out he’s in a serious relationship with someone else, all the while continuing to beg me to take him back, calling in the middle of the night, etc. I finally had to block him to get him to leave me alone. The sooner you cut this guy out of your life entirely the better off you will be.
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