Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › He wants me to look into his eyes when having sex
- This topic has 14 replies and was last updated 7 years, 11 months ago by
The Truth Bringer.
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Niomie
I’ve been dating this guy for 2 months.
I’m shy, I rarely look into the person eyes. Last night, we were having sex, and as usual, I just couldn’t look at him in the eyes. He knows that I’m quite shy about it and I’m uncomfortable with it. So, in the heat of the moment, he took my face rudely in his hands and said “look at me”. I got upset that he did that. He seems annoyed all the time about it… When we talked about it after, he told me “people fall in love because they look into each other eyes, how am I going to remember your face if you don’t look at me, if i can’t look at you”
Other time he told me “Men are visual creature” “I don’t know with who Im having sex with” “It’s like I have sex with any brunette girl”.
It makes me feel bad about myself…
Am I right to think this is not okay? or am I being way too sensitive?
JC
He has a point, but he handled it in a very crude and inappropriate way. Doesn’t sound like a guy who is sensitive to your needs.
Niomie
Yes and his words doesn’t help at all because I’m even more shy… That does not make me feel secure.
Last time he told me another rude thing, I was lying on his bed in underwears and he told me “hello, how’s Somalia going?” comparing me to an african children. I’m skinny but not in an anorexic kind of way and I felt very bad after he said that. He told me he was joking.
He is 32…… Not a young adult. I don’t understand that he lacks so much empathy like this.
Niomie
There are many more like this…
Hannah
Wow. That Somalia comment was really mean and nasty.
As for the sex thing, I don’t like to look into a man’s eyes during sex. No one has ever had a problem with it. Obviously I do sometimes but not all the time or even most of the time. He can remember your face when you’re not having sex or without eye contact.
He doesn’t sound like a very nice person…
Junior
He doesn’t sound like a nice person. If he’s this rude now, I can imagine him getting worse. Think about finding someone who makes you feel ok to be you (ie not giving eye contact during sex). He doesn’t sound like the guy for you.
Niomie
I do look at him in the eyes when we have sex but briefly… He wants me to act like a pornstar and to look at him deeply, especially when giving oral sex.
Nat
This guy sounds abusive, emotionally abusive, rude, selfish and insensitive. It is not about what he wants but how he handles it and how he talks to you. At 32 he should know better. Especially if you are in the States. How old are you? are you in the States or the UK>
Hannah
Urgh! I don’t care if he’s into the UK, the US or Antarctica. If he wants someone to act like a porn star, he should pay a hooker. Not expect you to act that way! Especially at his age as Nat says.
Niomie
I’m from germany, and yes I do believe that at 32 he should have more “tact”?
Nat
I don’t think it is a matter of tact, it is his character. Maybe in Europe men a little more “chauvinistic” for lack of a better word, but still not to this point, he sounds condescending and very disrespectful of you. “how am I going to remember your face?”. You should have gotten up and left as soon as you heard that. Do not allow this, you will feel low about yourself and it will take you a long time to regain your self esteem.
Algo
I think the way he handled it is absolutely awful and not okay at all.
But I would feel very insecure and not caredforfor if my Bf never looked me in the eyes during sex.
I really need eye contact. It would have to be something I would dit him down for and have a talk or it would be practically a dealbreaker, as much as I like him.
I’m a very physical person and I need a person to be right there with me when I’m intimate with him.
So I understand his sentiment, but what he did was not okay and it’s normal you feel bad. And it’s not acceptible.
L
Next time, stare him down like a hawk hunting a mouse
Harline
I understand a guy wanting this. But it does not sound like the right man for you based on everything else you are saying. You know you need to end it, don’t you?
The Truth Bringer
Him forcing you to look in his eyes is rapey. A guy should never force you to do anything that you don’t want to do in bed, and it is his job to make you feel comfortable. Him saying he doesn’t know who he is sleeping with indicates that soon he will be underneath a male. He says he could be sleeping with any brunette. Tell him to go get on some skank and shut up. Sorry u had to deal with the clown. There are definitely better fish in the sea.
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