He wants me to wait for him

If you look far enough in the future and you do marry a man like him is this where you would want to raise children?

People usually don’t change much….and they say if you want to know someone look at their five closest friends.

I am sorry, but this does not sound good to me. I would walk.

He probably cares about you a lot, but would you sacrifice your future for his feelings? Feelings change. He can be saying more than he feels too to keep you hooked. You can’t put your life on hold even if you love him. In my view if a man truly loves a woman he won’t let he get away. He says he has a plan, ask him about it. If you’d see that the plan might take a long time or might not even materialize, you think to think about yourself and your future.

I know you said you don’t want to judge people based on their past, but his past puts you in a totally different social class and also imposes a lot of limitations on you and your future family with him.

A guy in this situation would walk away probably, regardless of his feelings. We women always try to nurture, often at the expense on our own future and interests.

You will find a connection with someone else, it won’t happen right away, but it will happen. You might find even a deeper connection and a better fit socially, have you thought about it?

I think he truly does care about you based on what you said. But that doesn’t matter, really. And the reason that doesn’t matter is because if you’d end up with him without him making some seriously life-changing, er, changes, well, he’s eventually going to resent you.

You probably reflect the best parts of him back at him. And he loves you for this. But that reflection is only valid in certain lighting… He has to truly fix his problems to see himself (and for him to be) worthy of you.

As the others have said, think of your future. Think about how people so rarely change. You waiting around is only going to be a safety net so that he doesn’t change and you lose. But you moving on? You could meet someone new who is great or this guy could clean up his act and come back to you. You win.

It’s hard, I know. But you have to take care of you.

Thanks everyone. My friends always say that I end up choosing the wrong guy and guys happen to be my biggest weakness. I have a lot of high expectations for myself when it comes to my career. But I don’t expect that much from a guy. I have guys in my field that really want to pursue me, but I’m attracted to something totally different. I’m a medical graduate and my friends tell me that I need to look for someone on my level, whatever that means. This guy, he’s really smart, he’s just made some really bad choices in his life. He says I’m the girl that he wants to spend his life with and the reason why he walked away is cause he needs to fix himself first. But I believe if a man truly loves you he won’t risk losing you. I think he knows how I feel about him too so he’s pretty confident about me waiting for him too. I hate that. He chases me when he thinks he’ll lose me … but when he thinks he has me, he leans back. I guess that’s just human nature or something. He still wants to talk to me and keep in touch with me. But it makes me get more attached to him… especially when he tells me the things I wanna hear. I know he’s really attracted to me … he tries to kiss me and I pull away … until I eventually give in. He likes to be close to me. I don’t know what to do with him.

Don’t wait for him. I know how you feel and how you see love in his eyes. He could really love you, but still don’t wait for him. It’s not a movie. There’s no dramatic reunion where you embrace each other after that one year. Life happens. Life gets in the way and throws you a curveball. Who knows what will happen in that year?

@waitwhat – no I’m not and life has been pretty good to me I have to say… why do you ask?

He will still make his own choices….even if the ones in the past were bad. That’s how he will build his life. The fact that he feels you will wait for him is not very good. Then there is no time limit, no goal to want you back. Will be like an anchor keeping you fixed in one spot while his life moves on. And since you anyway waited for him without a fuss, you will forver.
Unfortunately, when women make things easy for a man, they value them less.

@waitwhat… no offense taken. You might be right… and yes, I do dive in like a kid. To me chemistry is everything… and hard to find the person you feel that with. I don’t mind bluntness. I appreciate all honesty. I like to see things from a different point of view even if I don’t agree with it. I don’t know if I made things that easy for him… I blocked him, didn’t answer his calls, refused his dinner dates… but I did give in eventually… is that still making it too easy for him? His personality is everything I want in a man… along with the chemistry.. its hard to let it go, but I can and I will if I feel that he doesn’t feel the same way. I don’t know why, but I just want to save him. I believe real love is selfless … but then I end up getting hurt. If someone can snap me out of this… please do!

hey I’m in the same position
He told me he needs to concentrate on his career and that he will be in and out of the country so it won’t work out to be in any relationship.
he said he’s been in long relationships too much and also need that time for himself to be single enjoy freedom. But coz we have so much chemistry he wanted to still be in touch with me and see me and have amazing sex … coz we have great physical chemistry. But he doesn’t want the pressure of commitment .
I do want to support him for his career and hope he succeeds . I want to be there for him. I don’t think he is out to get me and I think our feelings probably won’t change after one year . We ended quite badly and there were parts of the relationship where I acted quite crazy ! and I must say I was a bit clueless at how to handle it. So I do also need time for myself to grow .
He’s much older than me so he definitely isn’t the type to go out clubbing any more so I know that about him. He wants me to have faith in him and trust him…. it’s more of an exercise for myself to do this. he isn’t likely to change . So I’m in dilemma too. :(((( sometimes i wonder whether I do need to take that leap of faith in someone. He says he still cares for me.. obviously he isn’t in love with me now. Think he can be again if we started all over again later down the line. But it’s just time… everything needs time and everything will reveal itself with time. Do what your heart says hon but be mindful and careful you don’t get too attached then to be hurt so gotta put that feeling aside for the moment. it’s a fine line but you balance it.

Life experience (if you pay attention) will teach you that you can have off the charts physical chemistry with men who are wrong for you in every other way.

So he’s saying keep having sex with me, but your not good enough to be a gf.

test