Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › he wants to be close friend, but i love him
- This topic has 35 replies and was last updated 3 years, 7 months ago by
Maddie.
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laura
Ok so, basically, sunday, we saw each other, he was very nice, made some plans to see each other tomorrow, and now, suddenly tonight, he was pretty cold and told me he would let me know (which means no) he was just answering with stuff like: yes / No
etc… so i mean, sunday, he told me he missed me, cuddled me ,etc;.. and now this. I mean… so so weird. He’s being a d*** right now, so im just going to take some distances.Stefanie
Laura, you’re going to make yourself mental by continuing this.
I can’t read this thread any more, breaks my heart when a woman puts herself up for this kind of crumb taking.
laura
I know but I love him so much :( and I so want it to work. . . I ‘ve been hoping for so long
Shariefa
Hey guys, how do i sign up to post here? I don’t see where to go. I actually have quite the similar situation going on and I would love to share it.
Lauren
Awe sweetie I’m so sorry you had to go through this I’d end the friendship with him if I were you because what he’s doing is selfish and disrespectful you’ll never truly be able to be just his friend like ever so you should end it before it gets too out of hand
Raven
This post is 1.5 years old …
Lauren
Awe I wish I could just give you a big hug sweetie you need to end the friendship with this guy probably forever he’s a jerk you can do so much better than that now if he was like my friend Dominic that might be a little harder because he’s a sweetheart
kelly
I’ve been dating a man that I met many years ago, while working, was a client & I started texting him and poof we connect. All along he has acted scared of getting too close to me because he cares for an elderly parent. (2 1/2 years dating) We have dated alot before COVID then alittle ( we both were scared to make contact) but always talked on the phone, said goodnight, then started working out again. We do still have weekly dates (1) walk on weekends together, workout but ever since we met he just says I want to be friends, you are into me deeply but I don’t have it in me, I’m caring for my parent. He’s 16 years older, a one of a kind gentleman, friend, we my lover and I have met his family, gone to bday parties, parties when we dated and at one time he called me his girlfriend. Saturday we were walking, had a smoothie and he said, good, its good, we are just good friends. I left without crying again, but felt like my heart was again ripped out, then he called me for a date for Sunday, we had a great time, I brought my puppy over to see his parents to play and he called me last night to say goodnight, something we have done since we were together.
I am confused, I love him but he doesn’t know if he loves me, a hard person to express that even with his family. I am wanting to wait but recently I am feeling and reading these comments makes ME wonder if I should wait?? :(Raven
@kelly, How long have you already waited?
What are your ages?He sounds emotionally unavailable…
Kathy
You have to judge if the pleasure of being with him is worth the pain of not being able to have him. Usually it isn’t.
Maddie
You should start a new thread, as it will get you more responses than this old one.
But, in terms of romantic relationships, both life stage and compatibility in regards to each person looking for the same type of partnership matters. He is NOT looking for a committed romantic relationship with you, as he has told you he doesn’t want to feel responsible for yet another person… being responsible for himself and his parents is enough. Not everyone in life prioritizes romantic relationships, and if you do prioritize being in one then you’ll need a partner who does as well. Trying to wait someone out until they change their mind, dating potential instead of reality, doesn’t work. (Especially with someone who sounds like he has intimacy issues anyway, and the caretaking is a convenient excuse to maintain the distance he wants without much pushback.)
If he’s calling you a good friend after 2.5 years, then take him at his word and go find yourself a real boyfriend. This man has shown you all he’s capable of giving you, and you’re currently already receiving it. So if it’s not enough for you to be happy, then it’s not the right situation for you and it’s time to try new ways to make yourself happy. If you can’t open yourself up to new dates that truly have the potential to turn into a relationship yet you believe you really want a relationship, then you may need to deeply dig into why you’re stuck on chasing an unavailable man. Often, it’s because you’re also subconsciously unavailable and more scared to find a partner who treats you well than you think as you don’t truly feel like you deserve to be treated well. Good luck!
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