He wants to be Exclusive but not Serious…huh???

Why don’t you just ask him what exactly does he mean by that?

Next time he contacts you simply say the following or something in your own words.
The other day you mentioned you wanted to be exclusive however, you are not ready for a serious relationship. I’m a little confused by that statement, can you clear it up for me?

Be sure to listen carefully. This is crucial because if whatever he says doesn’t match up with what you really want. Think long and hard about going forward.

I would ask him what he means. I would guess that exclusive means not dating others and definitely not sleeping with others – but I wouldn’t assume his definition is the same.

Not serious…hmmmm….this could mean he doesn’t want to get married anytime soon, doesn’t want to be too GF/BF-ish? Not sure about this one. You guys live far away – so it would be hard to get too serious anyway.

Definitely ask.

Oh…I should be clearer in my response… He volunteered to be exclusive with me providing I am in agreement with being exclusive with him. It wasn’t a one sided thing.

I would pass on the offer, what’s in it for you?

Hi Andrea.

Thing is, men don’t want “serious relationships” because well, they aren’t fun! The word “serious” has a dark depressing undertone to it which is why I don’t want them myself because when the fun goes then the seriousness sets in and the relationship hits a lot of rough patches.

Additionally men need to go through an “uncommitted phase” first before they can move into a “committed” one (engagement/marriage). Just relax, have fun, be your cool self and let the relationship evolve organically. :-)

Just went through this myself…. And won’t repeat this mistake. It was so confusing that it ruined my confidence in him. Wanted exclusivity yrt kept his dating profile up on a dating site.

And he belonged to these groups on Facebook sharing online sex content… And had so many female friends that he liked their photos constantly. Each of these things slone wasn’t bad, but all together it felt like he was playing games with words. He asked for exclusivity so I think defining that is very important.

Btw… It was too stressful for him when I started to question what his intent was then got mad out of frustration. He was embarrassing me online and making me feel not do special. Nor exclusive.

I will be honest with you here.

I want to know what you want. I am perplexed when a woman says what a guy wants but does not state what she wants.

Do you want to exclusively date a guy without a commitment on his or your part? Be honest with this. Personally I would not go for such a deal….but that is me.

If someone wants to take me off the market they need to be offering me something beyond let’s see where it goes. It is always an unwritten premise that all relationships are built on seeing where they go…anything can happen…that is true. But when a man wants more than just dating he better have more behind it than it feels like a good idea today. He needs to love me and that I love him…there needs to be a fuzzy direction forward at least.

Those are my feelings and the way I look at things. I may not be correct in this situation but I also could be. It is up to you to decide that.

I just posted a question about exclusivity in the dating forum! Like I said there…it is a strange word these days.

I can completely empathize with your dude. I want to be exclusive. I want a boyfriend, but I DO NOT want to be “serious.” It’s hard to explain, but I get it. I want commitment, but I don’t want to be moving towards marriage. I just want to be together and enjoy one another with loyalty involved. Does that make sense.

I can’t say that is what your guy means by it, but that is what it means to me. I don’t think it’s weird to be in a committed relationship that isn’t “serious.”

I think you and I both need to have very explicit chats with our leading men to nail down what we each want and expect before someone gets hurt by unintentional “wrongs.”

I am on the same page as RCS.

For a long time I didn’t want marriage or to be tied down. Now I do. So before I get involved with a guy at all, I tell him I’m looking for an exclusive committed relationship with someone who is looking for marriage and to build a life together.
Not necessarily with them, because until I get to know someone how could I determine that?

If that isn’t what they are looking for too, no harm no foul. I move on and don’t see them again.

Why waste each others time knowing we want different things, that’s just silly. I don’t want to have to convince or change any man’s mind.

I want to know we both have the same values and goals to begin with, to build on and see if it will work.

I’m not fooling myself thinking having the same intent at the outset guarantees anything. But is does remove most of the time wasters and incompatible matches, which at least gives it a starting chance.

I have never had a guy who really liked me tell me he didn’t want anything serious with me, or act afraid to commit. So when I hear this here it always puzzles me.

Phillygirl

“I’m not fooling myself thinking having the same intent at the outset guarantees anything. But is does remove most of the time wasters and incompatible matches, which at least gives it a starting chance. I have never had a guy who really liked me tell me he didn’t want anything serious with me, or act afraid to commit. So when I hear this here it always puzzles me.”

100% agreed and thank you for sharing.

It is encouraging to know other women hold the same mindset.

I think one of the biggest problems in the dating process has to do with the reason why you want to date. Not knowing what you want, not knowing why you want it, not telling the other person what you want, doing things you do not want, mimicking what someone else wants until someone you want more comes along.

I have single friends who want relationships but they hesitate disclosing that because it might “show their hand” and “scare” men away.

What makes their fear so disheartening to me is not so much that its false (which it is) but that its so widely accepted. I am also upfront early on that I am dating for a relationship. It amazes me how many men look surprised when I tell them we won’t see each other again because we don’t want the same thing. Their reaction might suggest how common it is for women to compromise themselves.