He wants to stay friends, how to spark his interest again?

Sandra,

If you do want to date this guy again, you should have been honest w him.. By telling him you are OK being just friends – why would he assume you want more? And his reply seems about right, as he is the one who wants to be friends w you so of course you accepting this would make him happy.

If I were you I would say something to him like, ‘the more I thought about it, friendship is not what I want.. I want to focus my time and energy on someone who is wanting what I want’. Then wish him well and go no contact.

Dear Sandra, Here is the “Can you be friends with him test while secretly hoping that he falls for you again”:

First notice how the above statement is not honest. Dishonesty is not mature.

Next, notice that instead of sharing your true feelings, of wanting another chance at dating rather than friendship you are hoping that you can secretly manipulate him into falling for you by being some improved version of yourself. He will see through this.

Next notice that instead of communicating with him that you would love to be friends but you are interested in dating and it would be hard for you to be friends with a man that you want to date and you won’t pretend that it isn’t the case. Communication is the #1 predictor for relationship skills and happiness.

Last, ask yourself if you still want to fool yourself and pretend to be friends with him, just how will you feel when he asks you for advice on some girl he met that he is totally into, head over heels. If you will be ok with that then be friends. If not, then rethink this.

Hi Sandra, Well, a little space from one difficulty to a conversation with him about trying out dating again seems reasonable. It seems at least that you are thinking about this in a level headed manner. However, I suggest that you ask him about dating when you meet him again and not really prolong that question. The reason why is that whereas you say that you are ok with being friends now, as you spend more time with him even as a friend you may start to deepen your emotional attachment and it may not be a good idea if he is still only interested in friendship and that will be more hurtful to you in the long run.

I think to go from dating to friendship is not automatic as it takes time to let go of the romantic notion at least for you since you still want to date him, though not for him because he already decided that he only wants to be friends with you. When a man dates you and then only wants to be friends with you I think that is a big long-shot to expect him to change back to wanting to date you. If a man is unsure about a woman he will often date her while he is working out his interest but if a man flat out says he just wants to be friends, then he has worked that out already.

If I were you I would suggest a break from contact and/or seeing him so that you can internally move from dating to friendship. If the two of you are meant to be, then it will happen. It is more of a long-shot by trying to move right into friendship mode though.