He went back to his ex and I am devastated

Hey!

I’m sort of going through the same situation. I met a guy on tinder, we started talking and it all went really well from the start. We both had the feeling there was something magical going on. After a few months of dating he suddenly ghosted me and I found out he just got a new girlfriend. I was devastated but went on with my life.
Now a year later I was thinking about him and started following him on instagram, just to see how he was doing. At first he deleted my request, but later he started talking about that his new girlfriend didn’t trust him and she was kinda psycho. Weeks went by and we kept talking. Until one moment I couldn’t take it anymore and said to him we needed to stop talking. He then told me the two of them just broke up and wanted to try it with me again. He apologized for how he left the last time, and it seemed to me that he really regretted it. We started talking more frequently and while I still had my doubts everything he did was showing me things were different this time. It looked like he really wanted to make things work between us and kept telling me he wasn’t going to hurt me again.
After 2 weeks being broken up with his girlfriend he told me he needed space, he really wanted to make things work but had to deal with his emotions first. Since then none of my text messages arrive at his phone and he just fully disappeared. I found out at his ex girlfriends instagram that they are back together.
Really didn’t see this coming and my heart is kinda torn apart. My mind doesn’t understand how on earth he just suddenly disappeared while this time things really we’re going well. Al I want to do all day is cry. It feels like being betrayed and someone is slowly shoving a knife deep into my heart. My self-confidence levels have really dropped.

Hey guys. I am going through something like this. I wanted to know how all you guys are doing now?

This happened to me just 4 weeks ago…

I dated A for six weeks which ended almost three weeks ago.
I’m 52 and divorced. He messaged me on a dating site. As he didn’t live too far away we soon arranged to meet up for a drink.
It went amazingly well and planned a second date two days later, and had a wonderful time.
Soon, we were spending as much time together as possible. He was attentive and very complimentary. When we weren’t together we spent a LOT of time texting and calling. The sex was incredible and he totally swept me off my feet. Told me no one had understood him like me before, that he was damaged…he constantly needed validation and reassurances. I would tell him he was gorgeous, sexy, wonderful etc..he used to break down and cry in my arms…
Early on he confessed that he’d recently broken up with his ex of one year. I didn’t realise how recent it was until later on – about 2 weeks before we met!
He told me that she’d been in touch as she’d been checking his fb page (so evidently she wasn’t quite done with him yet) and she’d made some comments about me…
I was flattered at the time that A was constantly posting up photos of me and check ins like constantly…he’d say on fb quite openly that he couldn’t wait to see me (on his page not mine)
I know now it wasn’t for my benefit but for hers…
Fast forward and nearly 6 weeks later we’re making plans for the long holiday weekend…
He was going to meet my parents for the first time.
On the Thursday morning, he sent me my usual good morning text with kisses and that he was excited as it was only 2 more sleeps.
A bit later on, he even gets a bit jealous when I tell him talking to a male friend on fb when he asks what I’m doing.
Thursday afternoon he calls me and says he can’t visit my parents on Sunday. He’s freaking out.
Thursday evening he’s called me to say the relationship is over and he’s coming over on Saturday morning to tell me in person.
So in less than 24 hours he’s done a complete 180. Putting me up on a pedestal and then pushing me off! Naturally I was devastated and confused. It made no sense.
Saturday morning he came over and ended it in person stating the reason as a)I was smothering him and b) he thought he should be falling in love with me and it wasn’t happening.
He then coldly informed me that it was best we didn’t have any contact or see each other ever again.
I cried all day, luckily girlfriends came over to offer comfort.
Sunday I went on his FB and all the photos of us had disappeared and been replaced by pics of him and the ex.
Worst still, I went onto her Insta and she’d posted a photo of flowers he’d sent her.
I messaged him to ask for an explanation in the light of what I’d discovered. He refused to speak to me and subsequently blocked me on WhatsApp, phone, fb, insta and everything.
So basically he used me to get her back and it worked.
It’s beyond despicable what he’s done but for some reason I miss him and can’t stop thinking about him…

Lola

Kim,

Yes you’re absolutely right. I seem to be drawn to men who have “issues” because I want to “fix” them.
It’s a habit I need to break.

Being drawn to broken people isn’t about you feeling good about helping them. It’s usually about you thinking if you do provide support it will earn their respect and love. Most times it doesn’t. And in fact after they do get healthier or in a better place they leave you because being around you just reminds them about their past.

Except all these stories are not even about broken people and wanting to fix them, but trying to date people who were clearly not over their ex. It’s as simple as that. Otherwise you may as well label anyone who’s recovering from a breakup as damaged.

I wanna say im surprised how much this has helped me. When i go through a tough situation and dont know how to cope i always seem to find myself in these chat and this one really hit home for me. My story started three years ago. I was fresh out of a 6 year toxic relationship. I had lost family, friends and a sense of myself. As i struggled to collect the pieces an old familiar face walked into my life. It was an old childhood friend. It started off innocent, phone calls till 5am, talks about life, God, and the relationships that we dedicated some much time to and are no longer in. Soon, we became intimate but in sake of understanding that we still had to grow individually we decided to be freinds with benefits (first and last time im doing that). we grew closer and eventually the sex felt more passionate. We were still working on eachother as individuals, so he was always what i though a great friend when he would advise me on making reckless and impulsive decisions. I opened up to him in ways i didnt open up to my ex, or anyone. a year into this situationship i realized i was head over heels with the person. Hed be the first that i want to share everything with good and bad. He was there for me in my search of God and he alwasy made me laugh. But there were dark days, days where i uderstood the love wasnt reciprocated. unanswered calls,texts, dissapear on weeks on end, he only ever came over to my house, never a date, or a public outing. he never brought me around his friends, family, or even his fights when i wanted to go show support. I was looking for more but he didnt want to past the bedroom. what dissapointmets me is that i allowed him to make excusues, like he was working, or his phone was away, or he was training, i figured if this guy really didnt want me he would tell me….i ignored the red flags. Fast fowrad three years of me telling myself to be patient that he wasnt ready to love me yet, we gre closer, better friends, but i ended up discovering the truth..the missed calls was because he was hanign out with his ex, the dissaperances were days that they were out on trip, what hurt me most was that he would never let me go support him at a fight, but flew out wth her and his mom to see one of his recent ones. i couldnt evenget him to go out on a date. So as things became more clear, i knew that this whole time i was his reboud. he met his ex in highschool, it was his first love, they dated for two years and remained friends for ten years. he told me that he was like a sister to him, that they get along so well, but he never saw her romantically. My stupid ass believed that becasue this guy was willing to sleep with me that i was somehow better than her. but the truth was i was only keeping the friends with benefits bargain up in hopes you would want to commit as more. but to be honest you would have done that if you wanted to. the same way how you always made sure to be there for your ex, make time to see her, bring her around your family and friends, talk about her in such a respectble way. i wanted you to do that for me. so i ended it i told him how i felt and i asked him to be honest…he says he never meant for me to get hurt, but he had to make sure that his life didnt revolve around his ex, but he sees now that she is an amazing persn that really gets me. we agreed to end things and now im so lost and torn becasue i build this whole lie in my head that we were the love story waiting to unfold but you used me to validate your own love story. soon after they got married…and now im left here wondering where did it go wrong, how was i so stupid, and the realization that i really loved this man and he never wanted me. Im a nursing student, have to take care of my mom, and have so much left to work on but my heart is broken and i cant stop crying. i wish i knew what i was getting into. And what gets me upset is that he did and the man who admired decided to keep me in the dark :(