He wont commit and I walked away

Hey Ellen,

I think you are doing a good job, I suggest in the meanwhile just keep your options open. I mean WIDE OPEN. Feeling single and in the game is amazing, if you allow yourself, I promise. You never know what you are gonna experience.

I personally am going on a date with a great guy (in many ways beats Prince Charming) next week. Although I’m not over him, I know it’s good for me to use as much distraction as possible.

Sorry English is a foreign language to me. I hope I had expressed myself well enough.

Love is an universal language, I believe women all around the world could be experiencing the similar situation. It’s real pain and difficult dilemma in today’s dating world, when you want a happy ending, while marriage is sort of a joke in contemporary dating culture.

I still hold hopes for this guy, out of instincts. That he will realize I’m an amazing girl that he let go. What else could I do, if I truly love him? There is no other option.

Yes, I will fall in love again. For sure. But right now, I’m not yet. All I think about is him.

It’s been 10 days.

Instead of NC rule, what else can I do?

Thank you. I’m sorry to hear about your experience, Lenore. It’s a learning experience and not always one we want to learn. I’m going to try and step back emotionally and continue doing what I am doing and “enjoy the ride.” If I feel it starts to become too much I will have to try and walk away as well. Meeting new people and keeping busy helps. That’s the plan. I hope it works. Thank you ladies!

100% agree RCS. It can only be infatuation if it’s one-sided. True love requires two.

Thanks Lenore. Why break something off because it’s not exactly what you want. Granted I would be happiest if it was but I can’t force anything and why try. I’m going to enjoy my time with him. He said “now is not the time for me and you.” Honestly, he’s right. He’s got way too much stuff to straighten out before he can focus on a committed relationship, even if it’s not with me. I kind of understand where he’s coming from. When he first said those words I was like “yeah right, here we go.” But after hanging out with him I do believe he meant it. Down the road things could change, or not. If I left and cut it off with him, I would never know. For now I am keeping my options open, and if I meet someone that I really like, than it’s a win win. However, I am afraid that one day our time together will be over and I’ll be sad.

Oh gosh I am in a very similar boat. My guy of several months would not step up either so we broke up. Now I’m on Day 4 of no contact and it is only starting to set in that it might really be over. I think he expected me to beg him to stay but I told him that I was only looking for a committed partnership and wouldn’t accept things in an ambiguous zone. He also asked me if he could still text me and I told him that I didn’t think it was healthy for me. We both said we would like to try again in the future if/when circumstances change, (obviously there are many details I am omitting here for the sake of brevity) but for right now things are over, open ended and oh so painful and scary for me. I am only starting to accept things in small doses and it is painful. He hasn’t tried to contact me – yet – but I worry I might cave soon. :(

Alison, I understand and know how painful this can be,I have been right where you are now, the worse thing you can do is cave, if you do,it will not be in your favor, not only in possibly having something more with this guy, but you will also lose your self-respect.

Stay NC let him see that you have boundaries and self-respect.

Good morning Ladies,

Just want to say that I really have been doing a great job at stepping back emotionally. It has helped me a great deal. It really does work. I’ve also hung out with another guy, younger, which helps too. I’m not going to let this other guy control my life because that’s what was happening. I’m starting to really like me for who I am and if he doesn’t see it, nothing more I can do. He has reached out just to say hi, and we’ve texted back and forth but I have not seen him in a week and a half, and I’m good. He texted me last night and I didn’t respond. I’ve realized something – I’m a pretty damn good catch and I’m not letting him hold the cards anymore. Confidence and liking yourself goes a long way. People see it and react to it in a positive way.

So whatever happened… update?

Yeah I need to do this…

I was basically dating a guy in the army last summer for about 5 months until October when he said he was moving away and couldn’t do the commited relationship thing. He said he’d done it before and he got hurt. I felt a bit sour and decided to stop contact with him. It was hard but I soon got over him and moved on to someone else. He reacted so quickly and did everything to get my attention from messaging to Facebook tags. I noticed around January this girl was cropping up and I guessed he was seeing her however he was still in touch with me. I ended up breaking up with my new boyfriend as I realised I still had feelings for my ex lover. He then went distant and I felt so confused. In the summer he came back and we met up with each other, it was here he mentioned the other girl but said it had been casual and nothing serious as he still wasn’t ready. We got into a massive argument and after a few weeks he removed me from social media. I felt so hurt and like he’d cut me out completely. One evening he came around and wanted to call me, and we had a 3 hour FaceTime about how much he missed me. We started messaging and he said how they hadn’t been official and said he removed me from everything to spare himself pain and he “didn’t want to see what lucky guy was dating me.” I feel he is ever so distant rarely communicating, but when I text he replies in minutes. This weekend he came down and we were both out Saturday night. We were messaging and then called only for him to invite me to his family Home. We spent the weekend being very intimate, watching movies, cuddling, talking about life and he even bought us lunch. I dare to ask about the commitment thing but I assumed he still hadn’t changed his mind. Since the weekend we havnt spoken but when I left he hugged and kissed me and said we would see each other next month. Yet no message. What is going on and do I walk away from this man girls? I don’t know what to do. I think I love him